Grow old gracefully, or fight it every step of the way?
I loved the book Beauty Confidential – lots of great product recommendations, many of which I still use, from a former beauty editor who knows what she’s talking about. But the one chapter in the book that evoked my skepticism was the one about cosmetic surgery and skin treatments.
I was actually fairly interested in all the procedures being described until I got to the part about Botox, which seemed to imply that everybody ought to get Botox. It was such an offhand assumption – akin to saying something like, “Well, everybody ought to brush their teeth twice a day,” – that it gave me pause.
Are these procedures – from Botox to boob lifts – really becoming that commonplace?
My guess is that they are. Not just from reading about them, but also from discussing them with people I know personally. People whose boobs and bellies looked just fine to me, but who were personally dissatisfied with them and who were willing to go through the pain and expense of surgery to alter them.
Even Botox and other cosmetic procedures seem to be growing more and more routine. Our family medical practice offers Botox, Juvederm and Sculptra, administered by a registered nurse.
Why do I blithely go to see my colorist every eight weeks to make my hair a color that it most obviously is not naturally, and yet the idea of paying someone to inject liquids into my forehead or lips seems ridiculous? It’s all cosmetic, isn’t it?
Having gazed at a Petri dish coated with C. botulinum, knowing that just one case of botulism constitutes an outbreak according to public health standards, it’s probably not surprising that I’m hesitant to purposely introduce it into my body under any circumstances.
And having watched friends recover from cosmetic surgery – taking months for the pain to subside, even in cases where the procedure was a huge success – and hearing them say that they don’t really feel all that different, it’s also probably not surprising that I’m less than enthusiastic about plunking down thousands of dollars for similar results.
I don’t look in the mirror and admire how smokin’ hot I am, but neither do I look in the mirror and make a mental list of everything I wish was different about me. Sure, there’s plenty of room for exercise to translate into physical changes, but that goal is secondary to being healthy. I’m a bottle-blonde today, but maybe next year I’ll go back to being a brunette. Maybe in ten years I’ll let the gray go, unfettered by foils.
But at the back of my mind every time I contemplate the reasons for and against cosmetic procedures are the lessons we’re teaching our little girls.
What does a mother tell her daughters when she gets a tummy tuck or breast implants? How does she reconcile her own actions with the discussions she has (or that I hope she’s having) with her tween daughter about accepting her body as it is?
While Botox isn’t comparable to a face lift, it’s not the same as a jar of Creme de la Mer either. Why is it easy for me to explain putting cream on my face – “It keeps my face from being dry and itchy,” – but an explanation of Botox – “It makes wrinkles go away,” – sounds to me like vanity instead of hygiene? Even when I go get my hair done, I wonder if I’m inadvertently telling my girls that blondes do have more fun.
Of course I’ve got a measure of vanity; it’s why I use make up and perfume and an Italian-made salon-quality hair dryer. And it’s why I bought a pair of Assets and wore them unashamedly at Mom 2.0 (although apparently I need to upgrade to Spanx in order to get the perk of the pee hole).
I’m nearing the end of my thirties, and I don’t kid myself that diet and exercise will restore my body to its underappreciated youthful fabulousness. As I told Kyle when I explained the need for Spanx, gravity’s a bitch, not to mention childbearing.
Sure, I still think about how I look. But more importantly, I think about how I view myself and whether it’s in line with the way I want to teach them to view themselves.
So count me as part of the growing old gracefully camp. One year older today, in fact.
February 27th, 2009 at 6:35 am
Happy, happy birthday! I hope you have a year filled with joy and lots and lots of laughs, hugs, and love. Enjoy your day!
February 27th, 2009 at 6:43 am
Happy Birthday!
I agree, I don’t get why people do some of the things they do. I understand some things, for physical comfort (like getting skin removed if you’ve lost a lot of weight) but not things like poison in your skin.
Amelia Sprouts last blog post..Starting the addicts young
February 27th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Happy Birthday!!!!
I totally agree with you. Actually, my main reason for not doing anything would be because I tell me daughters (and sons) to accept themselves as they are, and that what is inside is what matters most. The message they would get would not be worth the results I would get.
I say all this fully aware that I may change my mind at some point though. Never say never, you know?
toris last blog post..I Love You Number 2
February 27th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I used to think I’d have all kinds of cosmetic procedures after losing so much weight, but the truth is I can’t be bothered. I would have to take so much time off from my regular life and for what? To LOOK better? Apparently I just don’t care enough! I FEEL fine and that’s all that matters.
Amandas last blog post..Couples quiz
February 27th, 2009 at 8:05 am
PS – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Amandas last blog post..Couples quiz
February 27th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Happy Birthday! I think about the messages we send our children all the time. I even worry about the fact that my husband is on a (much needed) diet. He has lost 40 pounds, with 20 more to go, and we have never once mentioned losing weight in front of the children. It’s all “eating healthy food” and “making his back feel better” (he needed to lose the weight due to a bad back). I really don’t want the language of body image in their preschool minds. Perhaps I’m overdoing it, but having had friends with terrible eating disorders and self-esteem issues that I know started as early as elementary school, I think that the best thing we can do is show them at home that we are about more than just appearances.
That said, I think there’s a huge difference between a hair dye and a surgical procedure. I’m all for the former.
February 27th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Happy Birthday!!!
I think there’s a fine line between doing a few things to make yourself feel a little more confident and turning yourself into another person completely. I mean, is botox much different than braces? I don’t know what’s right or wrong – or if there even is a right or wrong … but I’m not painting (writing) myself into a corner just yet.
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..I Promise, They Really DO Like The Science Center.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I spent some time working for a plastic surgeon (in Southern California, the stuff that books are made of), and these procedures are that common. It was my perception that the concept of growing old gracefully has morphed into getting just ENOUGH plastic surgery. That the secret lies in having work done, but not so much that it will appear that way.
There’s also a perception that because everyone else is doing it, you HAVE to, to stay in the game, as it were.
It’s just….I dunno.
(Happy Birthday)
Miss Graces last blog post..When the ADHD gets too strong for me
February 27th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Happy happy happy to you!
Someone I used to work for had a face lift when she was 42, and had a daughter who was about 10. That just makes me … uncomfortable.
mayberrys last blog post..This week in grief
February 27th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Happy Birthday!!!!
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.coms last blog post..Hand-made wedding bands.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:15 am
I’m in that “grow old gracefully” camp too, although I’m not sure I will give up coloring my hair just yet. Lotions and creams are fine and good, but no one’s getting a knife or needle near this body or face, thank you very much.
Also, happy, happy, HAPPY birthday!!
Nancys last blog post..Book lust, fairy dust (or is it fairy lust?)
February 27th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I don’t even straighten my hair anymore since I caught my daughter (then 3) in her bathroom as she brushed out her naturally curly hair, sobbing because it wouldn’t stay straight. On the one hand, it doesn’t seem like a very big deal, but believe me, if you had seen the look of absolute disgust on her face as she regarded her (beautiful) golden brown curls . . . it was enough to make me stop trying to fight my waves.
Happy, happy birthday!
February 27th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Happy Birthday!
I started aging in reverse a few years ago. So I recently made it back down to 25, but the white hair won’t go away. Drat!
Dans last blog post..My First Car
February 27th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Happy birthday!
And yeah, like you, I’ve seen botulism grown in a dish. I don’t want that anywhere near me. Ick.
Christinas last blog post..Haiku Friday: (Lack of) Technical Support
February 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Happy Birthday!
I’m right there with you in the growing old gracefully camp. One of the reasons I don’t believe in cosmetic surgery and all that other stuff to make you look younger is that 9 times out of 10, the women who are doing it look ridiculous because it’s totally obvious. I do not want to be that woman.
February 27th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Happy Birthday! Mine was just a couple of days ago, so I’ve definitely had aging on my mind. I can’t imagine a situation where I would use Botox, but I have to admit that I have thought very seriously about getting a boob lift once I’m done making babies. Somehow it doesn’t seem as bad as implants. Of course, that is probably what the women who get Botox are probably telling themselves.
Caras last blog post..Friday Top 20: Random Things
February 28th, 2009 at 6:39 am
Happy Birthday — I’m buying you Spanx with a peehole.
I’m personally not into the plastic surgery route, but I can completely see why people get the boob lift and tummy tuck.
motherhood uncensoreds last blog post..I don’t think I could have even staged this if I tried
February 28th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Is there a place we can donate as a birthday gift that Spanx with a pee hole?
Happy birthday!
Having never been a real girl, I fear I’m not arming my daughter with all the tricks of the trade, so to speak, like wearing make-up. Then I notice she gets enough of that talking with her 5th grade friends. I’ll never understand the willingness to go through pain to look different, but to each her (or his) own, I suppose
patoiss last blog post..The Weekly Wonderings #98
February 28th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Omg how did I miss this?? Happy happy bday mama! I guess it’s just that you look so much younger every day I can’t imagine you ever have birthdays.
(Trying here…)
Me I draw the line at anything invasive. Last I checked, I didn’t need a medical professional to stick foils in my hair.
Mom101s last blog post..And with that, the mom blog world subdivides once again
March 1st, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Happy belated birthda!!
March 1st, 2009 at 8:26 pm
y
Pandos last blog post..Max Payne
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Happy Birthday, Julie!
I’m too afraid of cosmetic surgery (right now anyway) because I watched a show about botched procedures. And Botox is so creepy. A needle to my face? I faint giving blood.
I think I’ll just buy Oil of Olay at 45 and see what happens.
Danas last blog post..Maybe I Have Pregnancy Induced Narcolepsy
May 27th, 2009 at 4:06 am
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