Mommy, you don’t love me
Thursday morning, I kind of lost it.
Tuesday and Thursday mornings are always a little rough; CJ has to be at speech therapy by eight, which means all five of us have to be semi-presentable by seven forty-five. That shouldn’t be all that difficult, but it almost always is.
For one, I have yet to remember to set Tacy’s alarm clock – you know, the one I bought her for Christmas so that we wouldn’t have to wake her up every morning? – and she has developed the morning personality of a teenager. Instead of an alarm clock, I might try a bucket of water.
Meanwhile, CJ is an early riser, but that’s only because she wants to go downstairs to watch TV and drink a cup six cups of milk. Getting her dressed and brushing her hair and teeth almost never happens without at least one instance of bursting into tears, which is really hard to take at any time of day, let alone first thing in the morning without the fortification of coffee.
Oliver is the most compliant where it comes to getting ready, but only as far as getting HIM ready. He sits on the floor and howls as I struggle to get my contacts in and rearrange my bedhead, or else he climbs the slate steps to the master bathtub and teeters there until I just barely catch him.
So, last Thursday. Kyle had to be at work by seven, and although I don’t doubt that he nudged me at six forty-five, I didn’t actually peek at the clock until seven thirty.
Fifteen minutes to get one adult and three children out the door. Fifteen minutes.
There were a lot of tears, a little howling, a shameful deficit of toothpaste, and one really old pair of gauchos, but we made it downstairs…where I discovered messes left behind from the night before. And my threshold for mess tolerance was at an all-time low right then.
Yeah, there was no “kind of” about it. I lost it.
The worst part of it though was when I was buckling CJ into her car seat, and she looked up at me with tears still streaking her face and said, “Mommy, you don’t love me.”
Oh god. I SUCK.
Of course I reassured her that yes, in spite of my hysterics that morning, I loved her. That I loved her all the time – when I was mad, when I was sad, when I was sweeping her up into my arms and kissing her and breathing in her sweet cedar smell. That I never, ever didn’t love her.
She’s at the age and the stage where she needs that extra reassurance though. She’s old enough to make me absolutely crazy by doing what she knows better than to do, but she doesn’t yet have the perspective to realize that when I lose it, she hasn’t lost my love.
Because as many impromptu hugs and kisses as I dole out every day, my kids can always use more. And I’m happy to oblige.
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February 8th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Hi GooseMouse,
Mornings are similar; even for the best of us. I was intrigued by your comment about CJ’s Speech Therapy in the AM.
My son Shea has a severe speech delay and am always curious about others doing the duty.
Nice blog.
Shea’s Moms last blog post..Connections
February 8th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I feel your pain, right down to the tear-streaked child accusing me of not loving her. Some mornings are really craptastic.
February 8th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Ohhhhhhhhh. I got that one not too long ago as well. Talk about a shot through the heart. I wish they could know just for one minute how hard it is just so they could understand.. Hope tomorow morning is more smooth.
binkytowns last blog post..Binkytown now with more EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
February 8th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
oh, OUCH. Even when you know it’s not true, that hurts.
mayberrys last blog post..Sibling shuttle diplomacy
February 9th, 2009 at 8:10 am
ahhhggg… i hate when i lose my shit with the kids… such guilt :-/
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..1990.
February 9th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Oooh that sucks. I’ve definitely had those mornings. The you don’t love me stings every time.
Issas last blog post..Dear Andrew,
February 9th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I’m not kidding when I say that one major reason we homeschool is because I know that EVERY MORNING would be like that if I had to get three kids out the door for the school bus. I just can’t start my days with that much ‘action’. It’s so hard to go from zero to sixty, especially when you are late.
And, I’ve heard the “you don’t love me” or “you love her more than me” and “you wish I was never born” too. At least they say what they feel which gives us a chance to bury them in kisses and hugs and reassuring words.
Fairly Odd Mothers last blog post..Need to laugh about something?
February 9th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Better than what my business partner got at age 6.5:
“I HATE YOU YOU STUPID MOMMY.”
Yeah, right at Declan and Tacy age. Yay.
Aimee Greeblemonkeys last blog post..God Talk With A 6 Year Old
February 10th, 2009 at 8:40 am
This post spoke to me, because I can tell you that when your kids are in high school and college? The “you don’t love me” accusation comes it subtler forms. But it still comes.
apathy lounges last blog post..Greetings From A Miss Congeniality Class Drop-Out
February 10th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Oh, I hate those sort of mornings. Unfortunately, ours always start earlier than 7:30. I’m so impressed that Oliver will sleep that late.
Ozs last blog post..Drawing Blood
February 10th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Ciaran is one of those kids that needs the constant reassurance of love. He’s so like me it’s not even funny. When he was younger I would have to remind myself to give him the extra attention that he needs because instead of asking for it or giving to get, he would bottle up and become totally impossible to deal with. Luckily he has come into a period (at age nine) where he is giving it in spades, sometimes to the point of being annoying about it, but I recognize it as yet another manifestation of him needing so much more than he gets. The part of me that recognizes this need and yet still somehow doesn’t dole it out adequately like my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother before me lives with an awful guilt that I am always failing him. Now I am crying so I will submit now and quickly change the subject.
fruitladys last blog post..Finding me
February 10th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
I can’t believe I am admitting this but better here than on my own blog.
I went to Blissdom this weekend and I am so exhausted. Plus my mom has been handling morning school duty since I broke my foot but she left yesterday going back to be with her terminally ill sister in Florida.
So, here goes the guilty part….this morning…..I got up late. That meant the kids would be grumpy and irritable. And, it also meant that getting him there late meant I would have to go inside with him…so I let him stay home. I look like run over death. I mean run over death. I haven’t showered or anything since Saturday night at Blissdom and I was not about to go into that school looking like I do now…..
And, if I had taken the time to shower and get myself ready, well it would have been darn near lunch time by the time I got him there. And, the only thing going on after lunch is…physical education, snack and nothing really….
Oh my Gosh, my dad just rolled over in his “never miss school unless you can produce a death certificate” grave….sorry…but man….
And a quick short story….speaking of my father. I started getting up with an alarm clock at the ripe age of 7, in an empty house, got breakfast, got dressed, teeth brushed and caught the bus…..all alone……..these days, you’d go to jail for such behavior….but oh well, I apparently turned out ok, not great because I let my kid skip school for no reason …but ok…
oh and his dad? he was quite agitated at me…..oops!
Jerri Anns last blog post..Jen Lancaster – I was ready to pass out
February 11th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Mine always says, “Nobody wants to be with me because I’m just a dumb kid.”
Sob.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Isn’t it always times when we are in a hurry that the worst of us comes out? I find I do the same in the mornings right before we are heading out the door. Sometimes I think I just need to set my clock 15 minutes earlier and deal with getting up…just so I don’t act that way with my kids. I am glad I am not the only one.
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