The birds and the bees
A few weeks ago I read a post by Sarah and cringed. She reported that: one, her son nearly slammed the toilet seat down on his penis – the thought of which still makes me shudder – and two, he didn’t remember the talk they’d had about the birds and the bees two years prior, so she had to cover that topic again.
Just last night, Tacy asked the question herself: “How are babies made?”
I giggled. Then I said, “Just a minute, honey.” And then I shouted for Kyle.
I turned back to her. “Well,” I began, “it takes a man and a woman…did you know that already?”
“Yeah.” She nodded.
“Okay. Well. And they love each other very much, right?” I went on haltingly.
She stepped back. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to know,” she told me.
Seriously. That’s exactly what she said.
I felt silly that I wasn’t prepared – Did she already know? Was she just testing me? How much information did she want? – and that I couldn’t read her well enough to tailor my response accordingly. I worried that my reaction conveyed an inaccurate or negative message – that babymaking talk is akin to fart jokes, or that it’s something to be ashamed of.
Most of all, I hoped that I didn’t blow my chance at being her confidante, at least for a while longer. I know that eventually she’s going to direct these sorts of questions almost exclusively to her peers, and she may reach out to other adults besides Kyle and me.
Which is fine. Normal. Good for her, in fact.
But I want her to feel comfortable coming to Kyle and me. Because ultimately, no one else will have her best interests at heart the way we do.
Even if they can do a better job at explaining the birds and the bees than my botched attempt.
November 23rd, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Maybe she could tell by the way you were telling her that it was going to be an uncomfortable truth.
Good for her for being smart enough to just admit she wasn’t ready to know… yet.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarahs last blog post..I Know What I am Getting Gabe for Christmas
November 23rd, 2008 at 11:56 pm
It sounds to me like you said exactly what was necessary for the time. She’ll be back when she really wants to know.
Heathers last blog post..6 months
November 24th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I am getting this a lot lately … had to disabuse child of the notion that “magical wishing” had something to do with it.
mayberrys last blog post..Haiku by Jo
November 24th, 2008 at 9:55 am
sounds like she heard what she needed to for the time being and you let her know that you were totally receptive to talking openly about it. good luck when she really IS ready!
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..It Only Seems Fitting…
November 24th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I think you only give them what they want it the moment. I figure she got what she wanted…the knowledge that she doesn’t really want to know yet. I think you handled it well, because you didn’t ignore her or say later or whatever. So when she wants to know something, she knows she can come to you.
I had a bit of a talk with Maya, because she asked, but I think she wishes she didn’t ask.
Issas last blog post..Can I tell you a few secrets?
November 24th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
My huz cringes every time I use the “correct” words or go into discussions about it because he thinks I’m offering up too much info.
I figure the more info the better. Less she can go ask some grubby kid at school about.
Motherhood Uncensoreds last blog post..Where Comedians Go to Die