Making a mountain out of a middle finger
If the girls had just met me in the cul-de-sac like we’d planned, this would have never happened.
But as it was, they loitered outside the school for several minutes before they started walking. And because I still had to pick up CJ and get her to soccer practice, and I had a howling baby in the back seat, my patience was running on empty.
So I swung out of the cul-de-sac and onto the parkway, where I saw the girls strolling along. I pulled over, rolled down the passenger window and barked, “Let’s go!”
Our neighbor girl hopped in the front seat, and Tacy climbed into the third row. I took off, making a three-point turn to head back in the right direction, when I noticed the other kids - now on the opposite side of the street - waving frantically: “Tacy’s backpack! TACY’S BACKPACK!”
If Tacy hadn’t left her backpack lying on the ground, this would never have happened either.
I pulled over again and glanced in my side mirror before opening my door to get out and retrieve Tacy’s backpack. There was a woman in an SUV behind me. She threw her hands in the air and shook her head at me. I waved her ahead.
She drove by slowly and looked out her passenger window at me. She made a terrible face, threw her hands in the air again, and shouted at me. I couldn’t read her lips, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “Have a nice day!”
So when I got out of my car and headed across the street, I flipped her the bird.
Apparently she was watching me in her rear-view mirror, because she jerked to a stop. Then she put it in park, opened her door and got out.
“Was that necessary?” she demanded indignantly.
“Was it necessary for you to give me a dirty look and yell at me when all I’m doing is getting my daughter’s backpack?” I shot back.
She kept talking, but I ignored her. I picked up the backpack, got back in my car, and put it in drive.
She grabbed her cell phone and started madly punching numbers. She turned around and looked at me, and then my license plate, as she talked.
I shrugged at her and chuckled slightly. “Call whoever you want,” I told her, even though she obviously couldn’t hear me.
At the next cross street, she pulled over, still talking into her cell phone. I kept going. Would she follow me? It didn’t really matter whether she did or not; I had places to go and no time to lead her on a wild goose chase.
She didn’t follow me.
After I dropped off our neighbor girl, I called Kyle.
“Hi. Is there anything that anyone can LEGALLY do to me for giving them the finger?”
A long pause. “No.”
“Okay, good.”
After I hung up, I told Tacy, “What I did back there? NOT a good idea. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“What did you do?” she asked.
“I showed that woman my middle finger. She made me mad, so I made her mad back. I should have just ignored her.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so I don’t want you to do that. If you do, I’ll have to punish you. Somebody should punish me.”
“Yeah, but nobody will because you’re the boss.”
I laughed. “True. But maybe I should punish myself.”
“Yourself?”
“Yeah. How about if I ground myself from my new Nintendo DS?” I suggested. “I haven’t even gotten to play with it yet, and I really want to. But since I was bad, I won’t let myself play with it all weekend. I’ll have to wait until Monday. Does that sound like a good punishment?”
She nodded, pleased by the idea that I was getting punished.
So I didn’t get to play with my DS all weekend. My six year old - and several of her friends - saw me make a spectacle of myself in the middle of the street outside their school. And I may very well run into that woman again after school today.
Perhaps this time I’ll just wave at her. While wearing a pair of mittens.
——————————
And here’s a middle finger for script writers who mock babywearing: both Ollie and CJ being worn by both Kyle and me.
Note the (extremely masculine and rawther dashing) dad wearing the baby.
Does he look like an “official mom”?
November 17th, 2008 at 5:59 am
What an idiot that woman was…what did she do, call the police and tell them that a woman flipped her off? Pretty sure they’d have laughed in her face.
(Have fun playing the DS today.)
Assertagirls last blog post..1, 2, 3…Jump!
November 17th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Awesome. I love thinking about Kyle’s reaction on the other end of the phone.
You don’t know how many times I want to give someone, including my kids, the finger, even if it is just to their backs. That one gesture is stress-relief gold.
Fairly Odd Mothers last blog post..My VBAC Stories
November 17th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Oooh, I am so mad about that Mortin ad! They should have made it about the dislocated shoulder you get from lugging around those stupid infant car seats!
November 17th, 2008 at 6:55 am
oh, girl. i have done so much more.
i wish I had a nintendo ds.
mbs last blog post..Why Can’t People Just BE NICE?
November 17th, 2008 at 7:44 am
OOOH! That is awesome. Good for you! It’s not going to kill your kids to see your human and you were honest about it later. No harm done. In fact, I think it was probably healthy. Plus, you gave someone the finger who totally deserved it.
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November 17th, 2008 at 8:31 am
I love it!!!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Bright Eyed And Bed Headed
November 17th, 2008 at 8:43 am
I’ve been way worse, hopefully M is still too young to remember.
Admitting you are wrong to your kids is something I don’t think nearly enough people do. You’re brave.
As for the babywearing. Men wearing babies look like real men to me. A show of strength and tenderness.
Amelia Sprouts last blog post..A little blast from the past
November 17th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Oh I’ve so done that. Then the kids ask me why I did whatever (finger, horn, whatever). I say the other person did something wrong (if they did more than just tick me off).
I can’t stand it when someone else is in the wrong and they give ME the dirty looks.
Heathers last blog post..Wearing Ms D
November 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Also, I totally messed up ordering my new sling. I got pink. No way my husband is going to wear that!
November 17th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I bet Tacy will remember this for a long time! Admitting you were wrong will make a huge impression. (*ahem*Motrin*ahem)
mayberrys last blog post..Good enough for Grandma and Grandpa
November 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am
That’s why you need the mean maraca dude. Just whip that thing out with it’s old nasty face painted on with a sharpie and you could have shaken that at her and she would have thought you really dug salsa a lot or something.
And then you would have kept the damn DS.
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November 17th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Wow. I will have to remember that when my daughter gets a bit older. I’m sure it made a great impression on Tacy. Kudos to you for admitting to her that you made a mistake.
And thank goodness it’s mitten season!
November 17th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
LOL!
Great post. I love that you punished yourself, what a great example to set for your daughter. I’m going to have to remember that one… and maybe buy a pair of mittens. I think they’ll come in handy
Oh, and there are very valid reasons to call the police, THAT is not one of them (I did write about one the other day…).
Michelles last blog post..Family Dinners
November 17th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Or maybe, just maybe, and you can call me wrong here, but maybe your kid noticed that you don’t have to take people’s idiotic crap lying down. Maybe you taught her that it’s okay to stick up for yourself, in a totally harmless way.
Or maybe not, but I think you’re totally fine shooting that chick the bird.
Mr Ladys last blog post..Tooth Fairy Helps Self To More Teeth
November 17th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I am a big wussy when it comes to this stuff. A trash talking-mutter curses under my breath wuss. I think it comes from living in LA, where tales of people getting shot for flipping someone off are told to you instead of bedtime stories.
Good for you for making it one of those dam teaching moments.
Issas last blog post..TV shows? Am I the only disappointed person?
November 17th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
I probably would have flipped her off too. It’s a weakness of mine. But I’m working on it!
Miss Graces last blog post..NaBloPoMo: CLA EPIC FAIL
November 17th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
Okay…replace you with me…replace Kyle with Joey…and replace random woman with the daughter of the old lady that lives across the street from us. She tried to run me out of the road in the neighborhood, apparently because not only does she think 60 MPH is appropriate in residential areas but her husband is one of the developers here so there’s that sense of entitlement. I pulled in the driveway as she pulled in her mother’s driveway and I really let her have it while Monkey Man watched enraptured from the backseat. Good times!
So now the old lady and her crazy daughter are scared of me, to the point they scurry into the house if they see me out in the yard. I can’t say that I don’t smile with satisfaction when they do that.
Builder Mamas last blog post..Damn you, Weather Channel, for leading me down a false path of hope
November 18th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Next time, instead of the bird, say this:
Lady, I have a blog with 10,000 readers and I’m going to write about what a jerk-off you are and we’re all going to laugh at you. All 10,000 of us.
Then, take a photo of her with your cell phone and say
“And now I’m going to post a photo of you after I Photoshop it to make it look like you have a butt on your chin.”
Blogging as a weapon.
This is why I should never have any position of power. I would use it for evil.
Jozet at Halushkis last blog post..I Love New York City
November 18th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Yes, assault.
Use of four letter words and the signal that can be used for a swear word would be verbal assault and you can be prosecuted on that basis.
It isn’t spelled out in US law, but the statue is broad enough to cover it. In Germany there are specific gestures, including that one that are illegal and will open the offender to getting ticketed.
In the US the chance of prosecution depends on the incident. Clearly, if you do it to some passing motorist and you don’t get his license plate then no prosecution will take place. If you do it to a police officer then you are more likely to get prosecuted, it depends on the officer’s mood.
Catizheres last blog post..T.G.I.M.
November 23rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
You were far more restrained than I would have been.
But then you are a far classier gal than I can ever hope to be. Heh.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Hi, I’m new to this stuff, but I hope I am doing this right.
That woman totally overreacted with throwing her hands up and getting all pissed off over something as minor as that. You were grabbing your daughter’s backpack and she was obviously in a hurry.
Hopefully you won’t run into her ever again, especially at the school. And if you do, maybe this time she will irritate you! Hah!
All I can say is that it was very big of you to explain to your daughter what you did. I have a six year old also, and I think I would have done the same thing. I don’t want her thinking that is an appropriate gesture, ya know? But when someone makes Mommy mad, that may be in order…
Have a great one, and keep away from that psycho!
Karen
November 26th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
You are my hero for giving her the finger, for explaining why it was wrong to your daughter and for punishing yourself.
caramamas last blog post..DC Area Cookie Swap?