The cost of tampons
Hello Aunt Flo, my old friend
You’ve come to plague me once again.
Because my estrogen is creeping
Downward even while I am sleeping.
And the boxes that were stored up on my shelf
Help myself
Defray the cost of tampons.
In restless dreams I tossed and turned
While inside me something burned.
Convinced that it just could not be
‘Cause the boy still wakes each night to feed.
When I was stabbed by the pain of
A menstrual cramp.
Turned on the lamp
And cursed the cost of tampons.
And on my credit card I saw
Ten thousand dollars, maybe more.
Dollars that would have bought new shoes,
Handbags, makeup and jewelry too.
Dollars that now go straight to the pockets
Of P&G execs
Thanks to the cost of tampons.
Flo, said I, you do not know
The cost of tampons grows and grows.
Soon it won’t just be tampons for me
Soon they’ll be for CJ and Tacy.
And my cash, it all will soon be tossed,
To pay the cost of tampons.
But then Flo reminded me
How much worse that it could be.
Could be that my tubes had come untied.
Could be going through the change of life.
Then I saw that, the boxes of Tampax
Are cheaper than Pampers mega packs
And that’s a fact.
So I’ll bear the cost of tampons.
——————————
The Electoral College sucks, and I’m not the only one who thinks so.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:15 am
Sorry about her early return. I hate buying tampons too. But yeah, they are cheaper than paying for another baby!
Heathers last blog post..Safety Lessons
October 14th, 2008 at 6:22 am
Haha. Yeah. Just watch out for the poorly constructed tampax that have a tendency to, um, you know…
Motherhood Uncensoreds last blog post..Sunny Came Home
October 14th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Oh Shit. I am going to be singing that to myself all day now…
traceys last blog post..Yes, the coffee WAS decaf today… What of it?!?
October 14th, 2008 at 7:36 am
And cheaper than Depends, too.
Wonderful ode to Flo.
October 14th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Nice and scary all rolled into one. I am so not looking forward to that day when I have to buy Tampons again.
Issas last blog post..Happy baby shower iMommy!!!
October 14th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Mine returned the day after LB turned six months. And we’re still nursing. Joy.
Anyway: cost of tampons? Try Instead or even the Diva Cup. Save money and avoid icky chemicals.
FireMoms last blog post..Is It November Yet: Forget Those Other Guys, Vote Duck!
October 14th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Sorry about your “vacation” being cut short.
midlife mommys last blog post..The More Things Change
October 14th, 2008 at 11:32 am
There are a few other companies that make tampons too. ahem.
mayberrys last blog post..Monday miscellany*
October 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
You should shape this poem into the shape of a tampon and then you’d be just like ee cummings. But with tampons.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..If I was a mugger I’d use vines to swoop down on my victims because that would be very entertaining and they’d feel like they were getting something for their money
October 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
you’re definitely not the only one who thinks the electoral college sucks. nice ode to tampons, btw
MommyNamedAprils last blog post..The Secret is in the Sauce!
October 14th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
LOL - beautifully done. And now of course, I’ll be singing that all day.
magpies last blog post..Sauce
October 14th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’ve always felt that tampons would be a lot more affordable if men needed them.
Miss Graces last blog post..Halloweenish
October 14th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
That was hysterical! Since I’m still nursing, I haven’t had a real period in 21 months. How great is that? I am SOO not looking forward to the return of Aunt Flo. And I’m scared as hell for the day when she comes to visit my daughter.
October 14th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
This was GENIUS! I’ll never hear Simon & Garfunkel the same way again.
Chags last blog post..This Was Not In My Job Description
October 14th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
You are the Menstrual Minstrel!
Lovely poem to the high cost of being female.
I can hav period bailout?
October 15th, 2008 at 11:03 am
i ALWAYS get mine back 5 weeks postpartum, consider yourself blessed!
fidgets last blog post..Work at home job goes awry
October 16th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Bwah ha ha ha indeed.
Except that Aunt Flo recently returned to my area and I’m not so much with the laughing about it.
Her Bad Mothers last blog post..Baby Can’t Dance (Or, Everything I Needed To Know About Post-Partum Mental Health I Could Have Learned From Jonathan Swift And Ally McBeal)
October 17th, 2008 at 4:42 am
That was seriously funny, especially the ending about pampers! So smart to come up with that!
October 17th, 2008 at 6:35 am
LOL That’s a great poem and so true. Tampons are cheaper than pampers. I started my period when my youngest was 3 months old and she was exclusively and on demand breast fed till 5 months when she started solids. So I should have had 2 extra months.
Callistas last blog post..HALLOWEEN CANDY ALERT
October 17th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I’m currently in Medical Menopause and not having to buy tampons is about the ONLY good thing about this situation.
Rhis last blog post..Friday Bullets: I got nothing edition
October 21st, 2008 at 2:40 am
I’ve switched to Glad Rags and am so much happier!
KYouells last blog post..Election Gas
November 8th, 2008 at 8:17 am
[...] I’m nominating Mothergoosemouse and her post “The Cost of Tampons“. Trust me, you won’t listen to Simon and Garfunkle quite the same way ever [...]
November 9th, 2008 at 1:11 am
I wonder why everyone says that Aunt Flo doesn’t visit when you’re nursing … she always returns long before I finish nursing, when we’re going hard-core full time on the milk thing. And everyone else I know has the return of the aunt during nursing too. I think it’s an urban myth, that she stays away til you’re done.
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