Mabel, Mabel, if you’re able, keep your elbows off the table
The night before my parents arrived for a visit, I dreamed that my mother walked into our house, looked around and asked, “Is your house always this messy?”
In reality, over the course of the visit, she said one of the nicest things she’s ever said to me. After finding that CJ’s chocolate-smeared fingers had left smudges all over the bathroom, she just laughed and commented, “I’m glad you run a looser ship than I did.”
Neither of my parents offered any criticism of the Cheerios on the floor, the crumbs on the counter, or the laundry lying dormant in the dryer. Which, considering how tightly they ran their ship when I was growing up, showed admirable restraint.
But when the seven of us went out to dinner, Tacy’s and CJ’s table manners – or lack thereof – were an undeniable source of consternation for my parents.
They didn’t play with their food, or scream and cry, or run up and down the rows of tables. They ate well, used their utensils, and stayed seated for most of the meal.
But they speared chunks of fruit with their forks and nibbled from them. They held onto their forks constantly and occasionally rested their elbows on the table. They hopped up and down to look out the window adjacent to our table.
They’re six and three, and we don’t take them out to eat very often. Certainly not to places where a higher standard of table manners is expected. If I’m going to go out for a special dinner, I’d much rather spend the money for kids’ meals on a babysitter so that I can actually enjoy myself at dinner instead of corralling kids or worrying about how their behavior is perceived by my fellow diners.
That’s not to say that dining at home is a free-for-all. No one eats from a trough, and everyone is expected to use utensils and napkins and chew with their mouths closed, with the exception of Oliver. We say please and thank you and excuse me, and we clear our plates when we’re finished. The girls even get out the Dustbuster to clear away the crumbs they’ve dropped on the floor.
We’ll get to the point where we begin to focus on sitting up straight, keeping elbows off the table, and buttering bread one bite at a time. Just not yet.
And if all else fails, we’ll ship them off for a course in fine dining for beginners.
October 13th, 2008 at 6:06 am
Yeah, table manners at six (and especially three) to me means sitting still and saying please and thank you. The rest will come in time.
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October 13th, 2008 at 6:57 am
Ha! Your kids sound wonderfully well behaved compared to a lot that I’ve seen in my waitressing days… not to mention the fact that elbows off the table and not nibbling off your fork are manners that the majority of adults don’t seem to have mastered, either!
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October 13th, 2008 at 6:59 am
I think that at three and six, there doing great. While I think table manners are a bit of a lost art even for some adults, there are so many more important things to learn when you’re that age.
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October 13th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Buttering bread one bite at a time? Lord, I think I learned that one at about 17.
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October 13th, 2008 at 7:50 am
If they stay seated for most of the meal — they are WAY ahead of mine!
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October 13th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I had a friend in high school who used to eat pasta by picking it up with her fingers and dangling it over her head into her open mouth. I don’t know how she ever came to the conclusion that this was acceptable behavior in public or even at your own table to home…so I think your kids are doing great
October 13th, 2008 at 9:56 am
That sounds pretty much how I eat NOW. Especially the bouncing up and down part.
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October 13th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Sounds like things are going well!
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October 13th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Hey, yes, I’d say your kids are doing well. Mine are 5.5 and “3.75 and not potty trained” but manners, they are about on par with what you mentioned. We have never eaten in a restaurant that I felt like my kids were totally out of sync. I mean, not that we never eat anywhere nice, but mostly we eat at places where my kids can use the manners that are appropriate for their age.
One of my husband’s pet peeve’s is taking them to a place like P.F. Changs. The boys behave well enough, but they can get rice from the top of their heads to the table next to us and usually sit on some of it before the meal is over.
But, that’s about it for fancy for us and that’s rare since it is so far away in the first place.
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October 13th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
My 2 year old only stays seated if he’s in his booster at the “big table” and my 4 year old only eats with her tush in the chair if she’s sitting in a kid-sized one at the “little table” (a play table).
And they insist on eating together, so someone is always sliding off and wandering around.
I figure it will pass…probably around the same time I can get them interested in salad.
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October 13th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
You know you’ve reached the age of true maturity when your parents enjoy being with the kids and you, caring little of the home disasters. And, if my 6-year-old could act as well as your 3-year-old does at a restaurant, we might actually go out sometime. As it is, we just feed him in his crate. No, wait, that’s the dog.
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October 13th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I think your kids sound very well behaved! I saw SOO much worse when I waited tables and even to some degree in my nieces and nephews, much to my chagrin. There is no may my mom would have been able to keep her mouth shut. The last time they came to visit, my stepdad called a couple of weeks before and offered to pay for a cleaning service before they arrived so my mom wouldn’t wig out at my dirty house. How screwed up is that? For the record, my house is not a disaster area, my mom is just insane.
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October 14th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Our issue right now is the getting up to use the bathroom during the meal. It makes me insane. I know it’s that they have just sat down and now they think about it. But it still makes me want to duct tape them to their seats. I don’t, mind you, because they are only six and four, but I think about it.
I think for three and six, yours are doing great.
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October 16th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I’m a cretin; I still butter the whole damn piece.
I’ve got 3 and 6 as well. Fine dining around here is TGI Fridays or equivalent and good manners means not leaning over the booth and talking to other diners.
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