Transition
When I was pregnant with Tacy, I read about the stages of labor. Every time I reached the stage called “transition”, I had to shut the book. Just reading about it was enough to induce nausea.
During my labor with Tacy, I never made it anywhere near the transition stage. My guts were piled on a platter, but I never had to vomit in one of those aqua, kidney-shaped bowls.
But this transition to first grade is inducing nausea too. It’s been a bumpy two weeks.
She hasn’t yet feigned illness in order to stay home – and I’m really hoping nobody puts that idea into her head anytime soon – but she’s not excited about going to school.
I haven’t gotten much information out of her as to the reasons for her feelings about school. Last week, she told us that “my teacher put me in time out”. We asked her why, and she told us “for playing with Play-Doh” (each student has a can of Play-Doh on their desk). I asked if she was supposed to be playing with Play-Doh, and she said yes.
So I got out the packet that her teacher had handed out on Back to School Night, and I flipped to the page about discipline. “Tacy, it says here that your teacher will give you a verbal warning first. Did she tell you to stop playing with the Play-Doh?” I asked.
“Well…it was because I was talking,” she admitted.
“Did she tell you to stop talking?”
“Yes.” She looked down.
“And you kept talking?”
She looked up. “But Mommy…” she began.
Then she told me about how she hates sitting in her seat all day. How she only knows two kids in her class from kindergarten. How she just wants to go out and PLAY.
I hugged her. And I bit down hard on my urge to tell her that this is how LIFE is. You sit in your seat all day and do work you often don’t want to do. Sometimes you don’t know anyone, or you only know a few people, or – worst of all – you know people, but you don’t like them and they don’t like you. That thousands of people have coffee cups on their desks that read “The worst day of golf is better than the best day of work” and for most people, that’s true.
She doesn’t yet need to know that this reality exists. But I don’t kid myself – and I won’t kid her – that life only gets harder.
I remember my own first grade worries. They’re nothing compared to the worries I’ve carried with me as an adult, especially as a parent. But at the time, they were monumental. Minimizing them gave me no comfort.
First grade is the start of new patterns that persist for years – waking up early, getting ready, spending the day adhering to someone else’s schedule. It’s a grind, no doubt. And it’s a tough switch for even the most enthusiastic six year olds.
We’re still in transition here. I’m just hoping we can get through it without any vomiting.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:07 am
When I worked in a cubicle I had a sign on my wall that said “Garden More, Work Less.” I don’t golf.
Assertagirls last blog post..Chance schmance.
August 28th, 2008 at 5:10 am
We are one day into 2nd grade, but I think it may prove to be an adjustment as well.
In first grade, the teacher let them stand by their desks if they were having issues sitting (and my daughter loved to stand). I don’t think the second grade teacher will. She is the most strict teacher in the school, so we’ll see how it goes.
margarets last blog post..Driving by
August 28th, 2008 at 5:58 am
First grade was hard for me too, so I understand. Hopefully you can help her see the positives before it starts killing her spirit. Plenty of time for that later.
Amelia Sprouts last blog post..Breaking Point
August 28th, 2008 at 6:01 am
I think the Kindergarten to 1st grade transition is harder than nothing to K. At lest in Kindergarten its all new and expectations are lower. In first grade you know what you did the year before and if you liked it and its not the same its HARD. Hope the year gets better for her…if she is in trouble for talking she should soon have more than 2 people she knows
Mama Mavens last blog post..I am an Iron Girl
August 28th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I agree! My 8 year old daughter has trouble sitting so long so her teacher actually told her it was ok for her to stand up and stretch whenever she needed to. That has helped a bit, but the kids all still would rather be home (and I would rather have them home too!) I think this year I am the one having the mroe difficult transition!
toris last blog post..Surprise
August 28th, 2008 at 6:54 am
That is so tough! Good for you not minimizing her troubles. I think about that sometimes too, how things are so much harder now as an adult, but when we were younger the small things really were monumental. It never helped to have someone say get over it or that’s life or it gets harder. I think it’s great that you didn’t go there, although it’s so easy to want to say.
I hope that she’s able to adjust and things get easier.
caramamas last blog post..Going For Number Two
August 28th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Speaking as a former teacher here, one of the more “progressive” things that schools are starting to do is letting kids in grades 1-3 get up and wander around the classroom as much as they need. This is especially important for boys and girls who simply cannot physically sit still at a table all day or for great lengths of time.
If you decide to, you might want to ask the teacher, if Tacy continues to struggle, how she deals with children who need more movement in their day.
Good luck! It is definitely a hard transition for some children.
mandys last blog post..Awww….
August 28th, 2008 at 7:23 am
The teachers have said that it takes about 6 weeks for the kids to kind of “get it” and become used to the routines and expectations of the new school year. N has had his issues. After a stellar first week, I learned he had to sit out of 10 min of recess yesterday and he has 5 min left to sit out today. I am sad for him, of course, but he made certain choices and knew of the consequences.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Oh dear. I always hated school, and now I hate work. Not my job specifically, just, work. And I was good at school and hated it anyways.
The thing that I really hope for my son is that he’s one of those kids who LOVES school and becomes really PASSIONATE about his job as an adult. Silly dream, but I stick with it.
Miss Graces last blog post..Scattered and lazy
August 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
First grade. Yes. Huge and monumental issues for a little kid.
Hang in there. It’ll get easier!
traceys last blog post..Comment Luv – yet another blogging pressure…
August 28th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I hope that when the day comes for my daughter to start school, I can handle it with the grace you have shown. Life just gets harder but she doesn’t need to know that yet. I wish my parents had felt that way.
Caras last blog post..You Like Me, You Really Like Me
August 28th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
It probably would help her be more successful and happier at school if she WERE allowed to get up and move a bit! My son totally needs that. It’s weird – I have boy/girl twins in kindergarten, and my boy is autistic, on an IEP, and has a full time aide in class with him. If they extended a couple of the things to my daughter that they allow him (like being able to get up and move around once in awhile) I think she’d be a lot less stressed out at school, too!
Hey – I’m excited about tonight! I can’t wait to meet you in person!
Lauras last blog post..Thursday To-Do List! DNC Edition.
August 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
OK you all are scaring me for next week, when my first grader starts school!
mayberrys last blog post..Gut-busting and gut-boosting
August 28th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
It makes me said that education is here to quash the innate spirit of children. I wish she could just run and play. I wish we all could.
mom101s last blog post..Home Alone
August 28th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Monkey Man starts back next week. Last year, I’d say he did really well the first week and then we had a few weeks that were, um, challenging. What can I say, the boy LOVES to talk. And of course, he had a super-strict teacher that actually emailed me one day and said “Monkey Man does not make eye contact with me during circle time.” Um, huh? It wasn’t that he wasn’t listening, because I did get her to admit that when she would ask questions he always knew what was going on….Honestly, it was a little ridiculous and her expectations were a little high, but we talked through it and it all worked out.
We made it. She was a good teacher. And he had good days, most of the time. But those first few weeks were a little rough. I have no doubt that Tacy will get in the swing of things in no time.
(Selfish side note…since when did we end up having kids in FIRST GRADE???)
Builder Mamas last blog post..Football frenzy
August 28th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
My daughter was unhappy the first few weeks of first grade this year too. She’s since adjusted and tells me how much she LOVES school.
Hope your daughter adjusts quickly!
Heathers last blog post..No Thanks, Oh On Second Thought Yes
August 28th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
There’s a very important element of you getting to teach her the importance of finding the good things about a bad situation as well. Perhaps things like the two friends that she DOES have and how much they enjoy her company, the time on the playground that makes her so happy. It always gets harder and it’s always a learning process and she couldn’t have a better person guiding her. Good luck tomorrow.
Anissa@Hope4Peytons last blog post..Playing Their Reindeer Games
August 29th, 2008 at 9:57 am
This is, like, the hardest thing about parenting — explaining to these innocent little beings why we must compromise, conform, or otherwise behave in an illogical way. Yesterday I had to come up with a reason for why can’t we look in the side of our underwear for our penises when we’re in the dining room.
RookieMom Whitneys last blog post..Liveblogging a vacation
August 30th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
My son is in a similar situation—in his current first grade class he’s the only boy from his kindergarten class last year. It’s tough making new friends and I hope that my son and Tacy both adjust to their new classes soon.
And, as a middle school teacher, it pains me to see 12 and 13 year olds sitting in desks for the better part of the day. Unfortunately, it’s really the only way we’ve learned to teach them (even if it isn’t always effective).
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 am
I think the best we can do is not encourage a more negative view. Yes, life gets harder, but there are new choices and experiences. Then again, we don’t start for another 22 hours, so what the hell do I know?
amandas last blog post..Hmming, Grrring, Mmming