Whose rules apply to whom? – the first grade classroom version
Almost two years ago, I wrote a post on The Imperfect Parent blog about how I got smacked down by a four year old for saying “God”.
“You shouldn’t say Oh my God!” she informed me, adding, “My mommy says so.”
As I wrote in that post: “Obviously the children don’t set and enforce the rules in the class; the teachers do.” But what if the teacher makes a similar rule?
Last night, we were working with Tacy on her homework, which involved taking turns writing down rhyming words. Tacy started with “sit”. When it was my turn, I teased, “How about shit? That rhymes, right?”
Tacy didn’t laugh. Instead, she lowered her voice and confided, “My teacher wouldn’t like that. I think she believes in G-O-D.”
Overlooking the obvious non-sequitur, I asked her, “How do you know?”
“Because we aren’t allowed to say God,” she replied.
“Really?” I frowned. “Like, instead of saying Oh my God! you’re supposed to say Oh my Gosh!?”
She nodded.
Kyle and I exchanged a look over her head.
I didn’t comment on her teacher’s policy, nor on my expectations as to whether or not Tacy ought to follow it. I simply told her that if she got in trouble at school for saying God, she would not be in trouble with me.
Kyle, of course, had to attack the logic of the policy. This is much more of a hot-button issue for him than for me. I have a feeling he’ll call dibs on attending the first parent-teacher conference.
Unless we get called in sooner to discuss our daughter’s insistence on taking the Lord’s name in vain.
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Speaking of The Imperfect Parent, I’ve got a post up there today at The Parental is Political. Want to know more about sex offender registration and notification? I did some digging, and I’ve got good news and bad news.
August 19th, 2008 at 5:45 am
Wow. Read these two posts and was blown away. What dilemmas. My kids went to “secular humanist” schools where all faiths (or no faith) were tolerated; most of the parents, like us, where Jewish and the “ethical values” of the school jibed well with ours.
I, however, grew up the only Jewish family in a steel town. I went to mass all the time with my best friend because I slept over on Saturday nights. I went to Stations of the Cross and hung around at church Friday afternoons while they went to confession. I almost knew more about Catholicism than I did about being Jewish, actually. And it made me embarrassed and kind of snobby (negatively) about my own background. I wish now that I had had more ammunition to sustain myself then. It wasn’t that I wanted to be Catholic it was that I didn’t know what in the rituals (or lack of them) of my own faith offered similar advantages.
I guess what I’m saying is that it’s easier to be different if you know who you are and why you’re living the way you do. Tacy’s “believes in G-O-D” comment suggests to me that she is getting good grounding in the values you choose to pass on. That’s the best inoculation against blind conformity I think. It’s an interesting challenge, isn’t it?
August 19th, 2008 at 6:20 am
I have a sneaking suspicion that Kyle and I would get along famously.
If Tacy were my kid, I’d be sending her to school with instructions to say “Oh my Allah”, “Oh my Jehovah”, “Oh my Yahweh”, and “Oh my God” at alternating intervals, and then report back to me with what her teacher’s reactions were to each.
My suspicion is only one of those would be met with a reprimand, and therein lies the problem. A teacher in a public school needs to appear relatively non-denominational. Of course, the basic precepts of their faith (be nice to others, don’t steal or hit, etc) will come through, but those aren’t really religion so much as decency. But the real faith related stuff (I’m betting “Jeez” would get a swift response as well) needs to be consistent: all or none, not just the teacher’s personal preference for non corporeal entity who benevolently monitors our failings.
August 19th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Please make him wear a wire to that parent-teacher conference. We don’t want to miss a word of that!
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August 19th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Wowwwww this is a tough one.
My knee-jerk instinct is to side with Kyle. But then I think, if the idea of banning the word “shit” from a classroom is because it is offensive to certain people, then doesn’t that follow the same logic as banning “God?”
I suppose it comes down to motives. If the teacher is offended by “God” that’s very different than if she’s teaching children to be sensitive to others with the use of the word.
In other words, it could be a very progressive rule! Or am I giving her way too much benefit of the doubt.
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August 19th, 2008 at 8:23 am
I want to know what would make her tell a group of six year olds that, on their first week of school. Like, no hitting, no screaming and no saying god. Is it in writing on the wall? And seriously, isn’t she breaking a school board rule by bringing up god in the first place? The religion in school thing always pisses me off.
Am cracking up at your rhymes with shit comment.
Issas last blog post..Hey, Look a Boy!…has a certain ring to it, no?
August 19th, 2008 at 9:26 am
If she is putting it in the context of being respectful of religions in general, then maybe. I would still be wary of her bringing up religion at all in school.
However, if it is personally offensive, or she considers it swearing, then I have issues. As the only kid in school who didn’t believe in god, I was regularly singled out in my public school, so it is something I take very seriously.
Besides, for all she knows, your personal religious beliefs that she herself needs to respect involve regularly taking the lords name in vain.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I still remember when my dad washed my mouth out with soap for saying “Oh My God.” I can taste the Dove bar. Ewww. It was weird, though, because he swears a good bit himself, and I don’t think the phrase raises any eyebrows for him now – it was only a problem when said by a five year old. Maybe my grandparents were in town and he didn’t want them to think I was a heathen.
Even though I go to church (sporadically) myself, I am a bit perplexed that the phrase would be a problem, what with all the OMG text messages flying around these days.
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August 19th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I can’t decide if I’m offended by this because she’s not telling them they have to pray or preaching her particular faith, she’s just saying don’t use that word in front of me. Are we being oversensitive because of the topic?
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August 19th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
At first I thought it was because kids were preaching in class, and then it would make sense to me.
BUT… the ban it because it personally offends you due to a religious affiliation, NOT because it’s socially inappropriate (etc…), not the smartest decision, really.
What worries me most is what kind of explanation did she give? I mean, there’s a good story behind why not to say “Fuck” in the 1st grade, but God? I don’t think you can explain your disdain for it without explaining your religious affiliation which in a public school — eh, not so much.
August 19th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
my dad had a field day when a teacher in my elementary school told us we couldn’t write the word god. it had to be G-d.
alis last blog post..Come and party with me. there will be beer slurpees. maybe.
August 19th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
“Life of Brian”: stoning scene.
half-naked condemned man: “All I said was that my wife’s salmon was good enough for Jehovah”
Centurion: “Right… that’s enough of outa you. Ya don’t want to make it worse on yourself.”
condemned man: “Worse? How could it be worse? I’m gonna be stoned to death! [starts dancing and singing] ‘JEHOVAH JEHOVAH JEHOVAH”
August 19th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
How about if in class Tacy just starts using “OMG!”
Would the teacher get her knickers in a twist over that?
August 21st, 2008 at 10:33 am
I’m having issues with other words as well. For example, apparently my 4-year-old nephew can’t say the word “fart” in his preschool. Fart? Really? WTF? I totally thought fart was okay, but I’ve been informed now that some people don’t think it’s a nice word.
As for God, we are at least somewhat religious and my husband apparently cares about “taking the Lord’s name in vain,” not that you’d have been able to tell over the past 11 years I’ve known him. But now we are supposed to stop because we don’t want to teach our toddler that. It’s hard to stop when it’s second nature. And I’m not even sure I’m behind this decision. I just don’t think God gets his/her panties in a wad over these things.
p.s. I LOVE Sci-Fi Dad’s comments!
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August 21st, 2008 at 10:44 am
Um…God’s not a swear word, sorry.
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
I remember in Catholic school the priest actually came into our room and gave us all A Big Talk about how he hears people saying ‘Oh my God,’ and it is an incorrect and unacceptable saying.
Even then I didn’t really get it.
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August 31st, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Ciaran and I have these discussions all the time. I’ve been a long time supporter of not giving power to words just because someone at sometime that I don’t know assigned them power. Cuss words are used to add emphasis. We use them. I’m not going to stop the boys from doing that unless they are using them to attack each other or someone else. But I’ve had to be very clear and they’ve had to learn the hard way, that outside our family circle, those words cause people to become upset, or to think badly of the boys for using them. So I tell them that to be safe they should only use them at home and only when they really feel they need to. And they should stick to the rules or the expectations of the other places they exist in the world and try to save it for later if they need to let it out. I applaud your stance.
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