“The Internet is not BlogHer”
I don’t remember who said it, but it was said at the Naked Blogging session on Saturday, and it’s stuck with me ever since.
The panel of women in that session – Mena Trott, Sweetney, and Koan – bravely shared their painful online experiences. Audience members – most notably for me, Loralee – chimed in with their own sad stories. I sat in the back with Catherine and Amy, and Amy whispered some of her own mind-boggling tales of conflict. Later, at the closing keynote, I was shocked to hear Heather describe an email in which a reader threatened to throw acid on her at the conference.
I’ve never had a troll. The closest I’ve come was the kid who called me a “middle-aged suburban sow” – and that wasn’t even on my own blog. People have disagreed with me on all sorts of issues – from religion to politics, from feminism to Steve Irwin – but it never degenerates into recurring nastiness.
I’ve never found myself disparaged on someone else’s blog. Never had a site created solely for the purpose of mocking me. Never seen my children’s pictures defaced. And yet, the ladies above – and so many others – have been the target of such cruelty on too many occasions.
I don’t know how I’ve managed to escape such unkindness, but I’m exceedingly grateful that I have. While I know that my online sisterhood (and a few brothers for good measure) would rally behind me, such outright hostility as other bloggers have experienced would undoubtedly threaten my commitment to blogging.
We may needle each other occasionally – intentionally or otherwise – but we’re basically all friends. No one in the community dares to stir the pot too violently and sheerly for her own amusement. Those who perpetuate the antagonism of bloggers like Mena, Sweetney, and Koan may be bloggers themselves, but they’re not part of the community. They’re not BlogHers.
Meanwhile, with each successive BlogHer conference I attend, I find myself having exponentially more fun than I did at the last one. I’ve reunited with old friends and met new ones. Some of them I never even read before, and now they’re at the top of my feed reader. Some of them I met only in passing before, and this time we greeted each other warmly. The genuine affection I feel for so many people – people whom outsiders would claim I “barely know” – is overwhelming.
Maybe that’s why I found myself tearing up throughout the conference (and I wasn’t the only one). It’s a heady experience to be surrounded by so much love and camaraderie. Even among those who are virtual strangers to one another, a common thread exists. They’re BlogHers.
I can hardly wait to see you all again next year.
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As promised, here’s the Flickr photo set that includes all the baby-holding shots.
I missed a lot of picture-taking opportunities when Oliver was in child care or tucked into the sling (Polkadot Papoose in the day, Pippalily at night) because keeping him content was the top priority.
Speaking of keeping him content, many wonderful people took especially good care of both him and me. The short list of shout-outs go out to: Rachel (Sarcastic Journalist), Isabel (Alpha Mom), Jenn (Mommy Needs Coffee), Laurie (Leap Design/Upside Up), Doug (Laid-Off Dad), Kristen (Inkthinker), Kyran (Notes to Self), Casey (moosh in indy), This Military Mama, and Kristen (Motherhood Uncensored). Thank you all for being so kind to both of us.
July 21st, 2008 at 6:23 pm
This was my first BlogHer and I was nervous about going. I don’t know why. It was the most awesome time. I know the internet can be such a sucky place (I’m lucky like you and haven’t had any trolls) but it is nice to know that there are SO MANY awesome bloggers out there that make it such a great place!
Kristabellas last blog post..The Sky Is Falling
July 21st, 2008 at 6:44 pm
It sounds absolutely wonderful.
And no, I’ve never had any trolls – not real ones, anyway – and I think I’d crumble if I did.
My MIL is a local and famous columnist, and she’s also quite opinionated. People have a definite reaction when her name is mentioned, and sometimes a strongly negative reaction. I asked her once how she puts up with the hate mail and the haters in general, and she has much more of a water off a duck attitude. Which impresses me so much, but is not me. I’d be crushed…I think.
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. Next year…next year I’ll be there. Thanks for the great report.
Jozet at Halushkis last blog post..Goen Guest Postin
July 21st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I wish I could have gone, although I’m a pretty quiet person so I have a feeling I would have faded into the background.
I haven’t written anything that would cause controversy. So no hate mail for me. I think it would make me mad though.
Heathers last blog post..She did it again
July 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
In the short time I’ve been blogging, I’ve come to see that this community can be so supportive and welcoming – in good times and bad. There are nasties out there, but when they show themselves the community rallies in a way you just don’t see often in the “real” world. I so wish I could have gone to Blogher to celebrate this thing we do. Maybe next year.
Caras last blog post..Six Things You Need To Know
July 21st, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I was in that panel too, and that really resonated with me. The other thing that really stuck was when Tracey said just because you have a comment section, people are not entitled to comment. I have always felt that way, but still nice to have validated.
slynnros last blog post..IIIIIIII haaaaaaaad the time of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.
July 21st, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Thank you so much. Even though I ended up resembling Alice Cooper by the end of it, I loved that session more than I can say.
I meant to say hello to you on more than one occasion and always got pulled in a different direction. I DID see your gorgeous little one, though and yup…prettiest eyes on the planet. Still, you are on the list of “People I wish I had gotten to talk to.”
There’s always ‘09, right?
Loralees last blog post..BlogHer ‘08 Part I: A preemptive strike and making lemonade out of the damn lemons that keep falling on your head.
July 21st, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I, too, was quite taken aback by the negativity so many wonderful bloggers have to deal with- whether they be thick skinned or not- it is just not right. I don’t get it. I’m thankful I don’t have that in my little blog world, but am still sad that it exists at all.
Your little guy is too precious. So glad to see you both again!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Golden
July 21st, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Just went and looked through the pictures and that is one cute kid!!
Caras last blog post..Six Things You Need To Know
July 21st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
It was wonderful to FINALLY meet you in person. Oliver is delicious and thank you for all of your wonderful energy and vibes.
July 21st, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Oliver has the cutest clothes (and the most amazing bug blue eyes!)! I’m due with a boy in September and am on the lookout for cute baby boy clothes. Could you tell me where you got his cute elephant onesie, the personalized flag onesie and the yellow elephant jammies? They are all adorable!
July 21st, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Julie, thank you for not running away when I drank in your son’s amazingness and started having a massive meltdown as a result. I just – he’s so – and I really want to – but I’m not gonna say it, because I really don’t think i can.
my point is just that you’re lovely and wonderful and your energy is insanely warm and enveloping and like a hug and a sugar cookie at the same time, and I’m so glad I got to spend at least a little time with you.
xoxo Deb
lildbs last blog post..pity partying: the inexpensive way to get down.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:00 am
1. i’m sorry i didn’t get to meet you, and
2. it was a great thing to meet so many strong women with a common interest.
magpies last blog post..Tales from San Francisco: Blogher
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:24 am
MISS YOU SO MUCH.
Her Bad Mothers last blog post..By Guy Kawasaki’s Swimming Pool I Sat Down And Wept
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:47 am
Oh, it did me good to read this. I feel the same way you describe here,
“Some of them I met only in passing before, and this time we greeted each other warmly. The genuine affection I feel for so many people – people whom outsiders would claim I “barely know” – is overwhelming.”
It’s sort of painful though it’s so good.
badgerbags last blog post..Uneasy need for rest
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
was such a powerful session. i’m so glad i went to it. i’m lucky to be fairly troll free…but it kills me to see that other bloggers are not that lucky.
alis last blog post..i will never learn…and i suffer from the wonk-eye
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:52 am
That session was by far my favorite of the conference. I’m so glad I went to it! But, I don’t think I met you!!
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
This post is why I love you. You shine light and goodness, my friend.
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..California Hemp and really important shit at the bottom of this post
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
LOVe the pictures, the pictures of Oliver and her bad son are ADORABLE!
Rachaels last blog post..The Omnivore’s Dilemma: It’s easier to be ignorant
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Wish I knew we were allowed to scoop up and love the baby. I was trying so hard to restrain myself. He’s yummy.
RookieMom Heathers last blog post..Play hide and seek
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:43 pm
LOVE the photos – thank you for sharing. Oliver is adorable.
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I think your footnote was actually a perfect punctuation to the entire post about support and community.
We’re here for you, mama. Thick and thin.
Mom101s last blog post..Mom-101 vs Brooklyn Heights Parking Violations Department: I’ve got you now.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I miss you friend. You bring me such joy.
I can’t wait to see you again.
Redneck Mommys last blog post..Naked at BlogHer
July 23rd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
That is so baffling and disappointing that people go after other people like that. I have been lucky so far… or maybe I am just oblivious and I’m getting ripped to shreds. I’d prefer to stay oblivious if that’s the case…
manager moms last blog post..I’ve Had The Time Of My Life
July 24th, 2008 at 9:30 am
I like to count myself among the “smiled warmly” group…because I didn’t have much chance to really CHAT with you. I guess that’s why it’s wonderful that there is always the next year.
I’m glad you wrote this post. I really can’t wrap my head around the way some people have behaved/are behaving toward bloggers when we are all just people trying to do our best to get through life by writing about it.
Assertagirls last blog post..The swirling.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I’ve never had hate mail before, but I did get a commenter who felt the need to tell me that I shouldn’t use my daughter’s cancer as a reason to gawk at our site. That hurt a lot and I was stunned to think that someone would think that. But, I also know that’s not my intent and I like to think the other 99% of my readers know that. It’s my life and if it makes you uncomfortable, go find someone who is all kitten noses and rainbows all the time.
I’m looking forward to ATL this year for a mini-blogher experience. I can’t wait to meet some of the other people out there who are letting the raw honesty of their lives touch others. I respect that and I respect you for it.
July 25th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
It was so nice to meet you in person! I just loved that you and Catherine and Canape and so many others brought your babies. It just felt … right.
whymommys last blog post..Squeee!
July 25th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
It really is incredible getting to meet women who share this crazy passion of blogging. Whether I knew the women from their blogs, or whether I met them for the first time, I agree – that common thread of blogging made an instant connection possible.
Can’t wait to see you next year!
Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)s last blog post..Janice Interviews Alice (FinSlippy) On Video At BlogHer08
July 27th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Thank you for letting me hold the little guy for a bit in the bookstore/cafe. He is adorable. So good to see you again. Wish I could have seen you a bit more and actually chatted, but I was so scattered this time.
beckys last blog post..Final thoughts on BlogHer – and links!
August 1st, 2008 at 4:01 am
the pleasure was all mine. great round-up. i wish I could have made the “naked” session.
kyrans last blog post..Bustle in Your Hedgerow:a Blogher Tale