I love you beyond all measure, but I still wouldn’t have dated you in high school
In preparation for his twentieth high school reunion, Kyle asked me to take a picture of him for his “then and now” snapshots.
“Which ‘then’ picture are you using?” I asked.
He held up two of his school pictures - one from sophomore year, one from junior year. Both made me shudder.
I love Kyle dearly, but we wouldn’t have dated in high school. I know I would have thought he was hilarious even then, but I’m certain I would have been too shallow to have looked beyond his mullet and his skinny black leather ties. As it is, I’m still too shallow - those remain deal-breakers to this day.
Likewise, he might have thought I was cute, in a flaky sort of way. We would have been in the same classes, but he would have been earning A’s while I got B’s and C’s. That’s why he was awarded a four-year ROTC scholarship in Business (a total rarity), and I barely eked out a three-year scholarship in Engineering (which didn’t last long).
But I actually think our affectionate disdain for each other’s high school selves sets a good example for our children, especially our daughters.
The romance of high school sweethearts who live happily ever after is a persistent - yet almost entirely unrealistic - ideal. Yes, there are couples who began dating in high school are still married today - some even happily - but they’re few and far between. And I’d bet that most of them broke up a time or two and did some dating around, which actually solidified their confidence that they’d found the “right” person all along.
I remember feeling as if I needed to find that person as soon as possible. I don’t know why I felt that way, but it led me to overlook incompatibilities that really ought to have been deal-breakers - and I’m not talking about mullets and skinny ties. In retrospect, it’s fairly embarrassing to remember how I sublimated myself in pursuit of what I thought would make me happy.
Fortunately, it never lasted long. On some level, I must have realized that I was headed in the wrong direction each time. That’s not to say that I ended these relationships; on the contrary, when I started to assert myself - my true self - the incompatibilities were too stark to ignore. I wasn’t the “right” person after all.
Sure, it was painful. To be myself - my silly, bossy, occasionally insecure, judgmental self - and then realize that my polished, deferential, quietly confident and aloof facade was preferred. But it’s impossible to keep the facade in place, even if you think it means you’ll live happily ever after.
Kyle, thank you. For accepting my extremely silly, often bossy, still occasionally insecure, and ridiculously (but usually privately) judgmental self, and for sharing your own unvarnished self with me. It doesn’t matter what we would have thought of each other in high school. It only matters what we think of each other now.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:25 am
I tease my hubby about the same thing. Oh, his poor sheltered upbringing…
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Hello From The Depths Of My Suitcase
July 15th, 2008 at 8:17 am
My hubby and I say the same thing about each other! He’s the one to point out that I wouldn’t have looked twice at him and his mullet or long hair (depending on the year). And I note that he would not have been interested in me and my long, flowy skirts and silly jewerly. Boy, how we both changed (externally) by the time we met.
Luckily, I was one of the few I knew who never thought a high school romance should be serious. I believe I escaped a lot of heart break by simply having fun and not thinking long term. But how do I teach that to my kids?
caramamas last blog post..Question of the Week - Favorite Day?
July 15th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Seriously! If I had known my husband in high school, I never would have been interested in him and the other way around too. It always surprises me when I meet someone who is married to anyone they knew in high school. I am slightly envious of that, but what I was looking for then is vastly different from what I ended up choosing.
toris last blog post..Triathlon Part 2
July 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Do kids these days think high school is the time to meet their soul mate? God, I hope not. I didn’t even date anyone in high school seriously enough to even consider a lifetime commitment. My hubby had the full on Mel Gibson mullet in high school. So hot! Of course I had huge bangs and a perm, so I can’t really talk.
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July 15th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Great post. I totally understand what you mean. Hubby and I both agree that we NEVER would have dated in high school, or even college, for that matter, but look at us now…almost 10 years of marriage later!
Everything happens for a reason.
In the Trenches of Mommyhoods last blog post..Miscellaneous Monday
July 15th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Boo and I knew each other in high school. We dated off and on during high school. But.
If I had to GO to high school with him where we could each observe one another’s total dorkiness…I don’t think we’d have ever got together.
Cuz he parted his hair in the middle and wore M.C. Hammer pants. Oy.
Redneck Mommys last blog post..The Post My MIL Will be Sorry She Read
July 15th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Oh sure, you’re saying all these nice things now because you know he’s going to run into some skanky hs crush there.
Don’t worry - she won’t look half as good as you do now.
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July 15th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I thought that I’d met my soul mate in high school. We dated for 4 years. But finally his true nature came out and I developed a spine again.
Thank goodness for that.
I probably wouldn’t have dated my hubby in high school either, but that’s because I needed to develop taste.
Heathers last blog post..A Rose by Any Other
July 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am
my husband and i couldn’t have dated in high school, because he was in 5th grade when i graduated, and i’m pretty sure that’s illegal in just about every state.
but even if i weren’t old enough to have been his hot babysitter, i still don’t think we’d have dated. he likely would have found me just as strange as everyone else did.
July 16th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
We’re the opposite - my man would’ve been too cool for me in high school, and I would have loved his rebellious punk rockness from afar.
The people I know who are married (and still together) and knew each other in high school all got together after high school.
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July 17th, 2008 at 4:35 am
I always say that Daren wouldn’t have dated me. He was the all-Canadian football/hockey jock and HOT.
I however, was scrawny, skipped school and smoked pot. I still managed to pull A’s though, thank goodness!
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July 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Aw. Very sweet! and the fact that you could overlook the fact that he EVER had a mullet, I find impressive.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Yeah. My hubby was into rap in high school. RAP. My alternative, grunge and flannel shirt wearing self would have SO not been into him!
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July 20th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
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July 20th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
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