Saturday mornings used to mean cartoons and sleeping late
Tacy’s first swim meet is tomorrow morning at o’dark-thirty.
She’s been taking group lessons off and on for the last year and a half, and this summer she decided she wanted to join our neighborhood swim team. Practice began last week, where she was thrilled to find two of her kindergarten classmates on the team too.
Unlike her brief stint in ballet, she’s always been eager to go to her swimming lessons. She pays attention and really strives to learn and improve her technique. I can’t help but be impressed by her self-motivation, and I love that she’s interested in a team sport.
I never participated in team sports. I wasn’t interested, and my parents didn’t nudge me in that direction. Instead, I focused on music and foreign language – until high school, when I realized my long-held delusion dream of being on the drill team.
Sure, part of being a Coed was glamour. I can’t deny that. But most of it was work. Really hard work, even teamwork. Practices were long and exhausting, and the season went from July to April.
Moreover, it was all my idea. Unlike some of my teammates, whose parents were present at every performance with video camera in hand, my parents rarely attended games or competitions. And I honestly didn’t mind. I was doing it for me, not them.
Finally, the truly ironic part of being a Coed was that it went against the grain for me, socially speaking. My punk rock friends rolled their eyes at the pep uniform I wore to school on Fridays. I participated in drill team in spite of what my friends thought of it.
So when I read Izzy’s post about her daughter’s desire to be a cheerleader – and Izzy’s hope that her daughter would participate in team sports instead – I considered it thoughtfully, not just from my point of view, but from Tacy’s as well.
Izzy acknowledges that cheerleading can be hard work (obviously not at the pee-wee stage, but as girls reach competition level), and that it can offer social advantages. But she can’t help feeling as if it will draw her daughter away from team sports, which she believes hold greater potential for true achievement. She sees cheerleading as an “elitist glorification of completely outdated gender roles” and doesn’t want her daughter to participate in such an activity.
Honestly, I wish I had played a team sport – even one season of SAY soccer – if only for the experience. There are plenty of social advantages to playing sports too, even at a young age.
But I couldn’t put my finger on my true objections to Izzy’s concerns until I read another post, this one by Jen from One Plus Two. It’s her review for PBN of Maiden America hair clips, and she writes (emphasis mine):
“I pride us girls on being tomboys and normally these aren’t something we’d choose because of all the flowers and jewels but M’s been in a serious princess phase for the past several months, she insists on only wearing dresses and spends a long time picking out the “jewelry” that matches each outfit out of a pile of old beads and hand me downs, something I will continue to shake my head at every single day and yet force myself to allow, her first self expressions while different from my own are hers just the same.”
I think that sums it up best. Our daughters (and our sons) aren’t necessarily going to take the cues that we give them. It doesn’t mean that we’ve failed as parents. On the contrary, I think it’s important to give our kids the courage to show preferences and make decisions that are different from our own, and to encourage that sort of independent thinking.
So let them cheer. Or swim. Or dress up as a princess. Or let them do all three. Why not?
Allow those self-expressions. Honor that independence, the courage to differ from you – their parents, their greatest and most highly esteemed role models.
Even if it means dragging your sorry butt out of bed at the crack of dawn for Saturday morning swim meets all summer long.
May 30th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
I hear ya. At first, indulging Noise’s less… masculine interests was no problem. I didn’t care if he wore pink toenails or dressed up in princess outfits, and no one really said much. But now, when he is often the only boy in his tumbling class, or in ballet (he asked to take) I find people have a lot more to say– and THAT’S where i struggle, not with him actually doing those things. I personally think it’s wonderful. I don’t believe in “girl stuff” or “boy stuff.”
But I also know the world is cruel to a boy ballerina.
It’s a hard line to walk.
The Other Dawns last blog post..Hai-Spew.
May 30th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I don’t have any practical experience on this. Mine are too young. But one thing that I have been thinking about lately is this: Before they were born, I agonized (really) over their horoscopes, wondering if our personalities would clash, what I should consider in any upcoming conflicts, what they might be like. I was worried because I have a strong Taurean personality. —
Once they were born (especially my daughter) I realized that all that didn’t matter. I love HER. She’s fantastic. We might not always agree or get along, but I’m still in love with her.
I’m not sure if I have any expectations of what my kids will be involved in. We just signed up Ben for swim lessons and gymnastics this summer. I just hope my kids have strong enough egos and the curiosity to figure out what they want for themselves and let us know. I’d hate to have to hold their hands through life, suggesting things to them.
OK. Done venting. Thanks.
Cheryls last blog post..Qwillerage: Electric
May 30th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
My daughter is playing softball this year.
Not something I would choose, but if that’s what she wants to do…
I’ll see you a dark-thirty swim meet and raise you a two day softball tournament.
Gretchens last blog post..Finally Friday and More F’n Fabric
May 30th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I think it’s so cool that she’s interested in swimming. I think it’s such a great sport.
My son will be playing soccer for the second time this fall and my daughter will be taking ballet. Right now, they’re just experiencing different activities but I hope they each take an interest in something. I just read somewhere that when kids feel like an “expert” at something, their confidence extends to other areas of their lives as well. Sounds good to me.
May 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Since my daughter is so much older I had to dig deep and think about my feelings on this and I came up empty handed. She just was and I didn’t think much about how much different she was than me, I just wanted her to have something.
Something = ballet, soccer, softball, pom pons, and many other things.
Tacy is lucky you see this now so that she can fully be who she is.
Now stop making me so SERIOUS on a Friday night.
Mochas last blog post..Peekaboo Streak
May 30th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Wow, this is such a great post. I was raised an artsy fartsy and have no regrets. I swam and played tennis and did karate and theater and way too many other things as a kid, but the focus was definitely on the arts.
I want my kids to have that — and I don’t mind sports. I’m just not all over this “you have to play soccer” or “you have to play a team sport” thing.
Eh, if she doesn’t want to play any sports and would rather do ballet. It won’t kill me. Nor will I care if she wants to play soccer and forgo the ballet (okay, that will bother me a little — mainly because she already has great feet).
Point is — they’ll gravitate towards what they like. I think it’s actually harder to deal with the situation that arises when they gravitate towards something and that something doesn’t necessarily gravitate towards them.
Motherhood Uncensoreds last blog post..Pledge Week
May 30th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I so agree in theory. But if my girl ever wanted to be in one of those crazy pageants … I’d have to put my foot right down.
Good luck to Tacy & her team tomorrow!
mayberrys last blog post..Haiku Friday: Follow-up edition
May 30th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Amen, sister. i loved this post.
jens last blog post..i love me some kindle
May 31st, 2008 at 5:06 am
I agree. I’m all about encouraging what they want to do rather than what *I* want them to do. My parents supported me in pretty much anything and I think because of that, I tried a lot of cool things. I definitely want my kids to have variety and not only do things they think will make me & hubby proud, or what their siblings are into.
Steph
Adventures In Babywearings last blog post..Blooming Belly
May 31st, 2008 at 5:33 am
I hear you and think back to soccer practice last night. The girls love soccer. One of them loves wearing skirts and dresses all the time.. Last night? She wore a skirt (skort actually) to soccer and was so happy she didn’t ave to wear shorts. My oldest is a soccer playing cheerleader (she does both). She thinks she my want to try basketball as well.
I prefer the earlier games as it allows for time the rest of the day to do things.
margarets last blog post..Meenie and the case of the sore-throat bandit
May 31st, 2008 at 11:31 am
Damn you for making me come out of hiding.
Mr. C and I were both athletes, but athletes in the way we think of as athletes. Before Chicky was born we both agreed we didn’t want to raise a cheerleader. Sorry. But as time goes on and I realize I have little to no power over what she grows to love, as well as starting to understand just how much work and athleticism goes into cheerleading, I’ve changed my mind. Whatever she wants to do, and will attack w/ all her heart and soul, is okay by me.
Mr. C is still not convinced by I’ve reminded him many times that we could end up w/ an Emo kid decked out in total black w/ white makeup and black lipstick who hates all sports. I think that scares him more.
Chicky Chicky Babys last blog post..And so it goes…
May 31st, 2008 at 10:58 pm
First I gotta feed them & all that junk. Now I have to honor their self expression? Does this end?
Black Hockey Jesuss last blog post..Fat Bald Retarded Kid
June 1st, 2008 at 9:43 am
I’m not sure if it’s the PMS or what, but this post seriously almost made me cry.
I love the idea of respecting who are kids will grow to be.
the new girls last blog post..Is It Just Me?
June 1st, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I really wish you hadn’t used my post as an example to build upon because there’s so much more to my feelings about cheering than what you covered here.
While I do want my daughter to be more than a cheerleader, it’s not because I don’t want her to do her own thing.
It’s because I don’t like the values of the kids or parents that are involved in cheerleading HERE. In THIS town. It may be different elsewhere. As long as she’s the kid and I’m the parent, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want either of my kids to be involved in things that are in keeping with the values we’ve raised them with, whether it’s sports, school, socially, or in any other part of her life.
To put it bluntly, I wouldn’t support her desires to be a stripper if that’s what she aspired to, either, simply because it’s antithetical to our values.
But I have nothing against girls playing Princess. My daughter has an entire pink leopard print suitcase of dress up clothes of the princess persuasion and that’s fine (because I don’t find it counterproductive to said values.)
I apologize in advance for being defensive but I feel very misunderstood on this topic.
Izzys last blog post..She’s Definitely My Kid
June 1st, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I think I’m lucky that Thalia’s a little spazzy physically – something tells me she’s going to take the brooding artist over the perky cheerleader path. Or so I can hope.
O’dark thirty: Heh.
Mom101s last blog post..Thalia-isms (#1 in perhaps an infinite series)
June 1st, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Izzy, I’m honestly surprised that my post bothered you. I truly didn’t mean for that to happen. I figured it would be one of those areas where you and I agree to disagree.
I understand your objections – really I do. But I still maintain that you have taught your daughter well and that a cheerleading stint isn’t going to change that. I’m sure my parents thought I’d never return from the punk rock dark side, but they let me be and I emerged…eventually.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:46 am
The hubz and I thought that our 7 yr. old son would automatically like football because that is what we like. Right now he is anti-football. He likes dancing, astronomy, and soccer instead. I just want him to do and be whatever he really wants.
Amandas last blog post..Bedtime Routine
June 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
This brought back memories of my two summers on swimteam. Good lord, those meets are early. All I really remember was getting up at the crack of dawn, shivering in my green hoodie, and then getting to eat lots of candy while getting sunburnt at the meets.
A friend of mine was talking about the evolving sports loves of her 19-year-old. She said she (a beautiful and strong firefighter) and his father (a police officer) always thought he’d be into boxing since they both box, but instead he went through a football and then hockey phase – and with each one, she said, they were both really excited and engaged not because of the sports but because of their interest in anything their son was interest in. Now, he’s circled back to boxing. I haven’t gotten there yet, but I can see myself having – or at least trying to have, if my son develops a deep love for competitive croquet – the same reaction.
Ozs last blog post..Pool Party