Mothering two, part two
A little over a year ago, I wrote a post titled “Mothering Two”. Now, three wonderful blogfriends are each expecting their second child, and we’re all sharing advice with them about the transition from one to two.
In the weeks leading up to CJ’s birth, I would gaze at Tacy and wonder how I could possibly feel the same all-consuming adoration for another child that I felt for her. It wasn’t that I doubted that I would love CJ; I knew other mothers fell just as much in love with their second child as they had with their first. But I was still so awed by the depth and breadth of my love for Tacy that I couldn’t imagine that well of emotion deepening even further.
But it did, and it does. And I continued to be awed by my ever-expanding capacity for love.
I won’t deny that adding to the family adds stress. Freedoms are lost - or temporarily suspended, at least. Attentions are divided. Logistics require military precision. Brightly colored plastic accoutrements threaten to overwhelm your decor entirely, and adult possessions inexplicably make their way into children’s toy boxes. It’s the inescapable entropy that children bring to a formerly orderly life.
I’ll admit that adding to the family increases conflict. Discipline takes on new dimensions that you and your partner probably haven’t foreseen, and you won’t necessarily agree on how to handle it. And when the kids get big enough to antagonize each other, then all hell really breaks loose. Sometimes they can resolve it themselves; sometimes you need to arbitrate. Nearly all the time it’s ridiculous and petty and it will make your eyes roll back in your head as you say for what seems like the millionth time: “Now, stop crying and tell me what happened.”
But the love - oh my god, the love. As overwhelming as it might seem now to picture the future, when the four of you are sprawled on the sofa together - watching TV or reading a book or just tickling each other - your heart will swell until you think it might burst.
And the best part is that those moments aren’t few and far between. They’ll happen every day, and they’ll make you forget all the stress and conflicts that came before.
That is, until someone accidentally-on-purpose elbows someone else in the mouth, which gives someone else a bloody lip, and that someone else yanks a clump of hair out of the first someone’s head, and then the tears and requests for Band-Aids start up all over again.
But you’ll be able to handle it just fine. Because you know that another one of those wonderful moments is coming up tomorrow, if not sooner.
All the best and much love to my friends Mrs. Chicken, Mrs. Chicky, and Her Bad Mother.
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 am
Thank you for this, Julie, and rest assured I will take it to heart.
I love you guys.
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
J,
this is so timely. Our #2 arrives in 10 days. And congrats to Mrs. Chicken, Mrs. Chicky, and Her Bad Mother.
Christina
May 2nd, 2008 at 12:41 pm
What a nice post. With more kids there is more of everything to go around. More conflict, more drama, more preparation and of course more love. I lied. There’s not more of everything. There is less money and maybe less sleep. But more love..
May 2nd, 2008 at 1:43 pm
And more laundry…
Julie - by now all of the really loud (either visually or sound-wise) toys now reside at my sister’s. But my youngest is 3 1/2.
But the love? That’s what makes it all worthwhile.
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Keep these coming! I need more!
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
My second was the most difficult addition to the family, and STILL wasn’t difficult enough for me to want to STOP ADDING. (Just ONE more to make an even half-dozen!)
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I love you. That is all.
XOXOXOXXOXO
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
yea 2 was an adjustment, but well worth it. now i need to know what happens when number 3 comes.
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I’m not going to lie, that post inspired Chicky #2. Oh the power of your words!
Much love to you. *smooches*
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:33 pm
What Swistle said; now who could blame me for wanting just one more?
May 3rd, 2008 at 9:41 am
Isn’t it amazing how much they can fight one moment and play in perfect harmonious unison the next? Like they’re soul mates. Baffles me. Two is so much more fun (and work) than one.
May 5th, 2008 at 11:48 am
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