Like an elephant
I have a regrettably good memory.
It’s regrettable in that I remember far too much of what I’d rather forget. While it may be convenient to function as a walking Rolodex of names, numbers, and email addresses (but not birthdays, unfortunately – I can hardly remember my own), it’s painful to recollect – in photographic detail – some of what I’ve said and what’s been said to me.
I can make my own face burn with embarrassment even now if I imagine conversations that took place more than twenty years ago. I can fill my own stomach with knots, thinking about offhand remarks made in what I’m sure now was the heat of the moment then. I restrain myself from saying – in a tone either accusatory or apologetic – “Remember when?” Because I’m the only one who remembers.
I use my memory for good, not evil – nor revenge or reparations. I tell stories of the past, with more supporting detail than most of my friends can recall themselves, to make people laugh. To make myself laugh too.
Even when I do dredge up that which I’d rather forget, I try to view it with the perspective it deserves. I try to forgive others for being unkind, and to forgive myself for being naive or ignorant. I try to convince myself that everyone else has forgotten.
Because everyone has forgotten, except me and my regrettably good memory.
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And if you haven’t already checked out the Cool Mom Picks Mother’s Day Gift Guide, get to it.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Join the club. Seriously.
I cannot think too long about my daughter’s first moments of life because of what I remember from the O.R. (Realistically, the first few days are pretty much off limits because of this fact as well.)
SciFi Dad’s last blog post..TWS: These Are The People…
April 15th, 2008 at 6:59 am
My mom has a memory like that and it has been a battle of hers all her life to learn to let go of things. Being cognizant of its benefits and detractions is great.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:14 am
Just the other day I was thinking about an incident from 20ish years ago too and feeling awful about it. Strange because I’m not much of a worrier. Forward-facing worry, no; backward-facing…yes.
mayberry’s last blog post..21 Squeeee Street
April 15th, 2008 at 7:24 am
My memory is totally dependent on how much sleep I’ve had so needless to say, it’s been spotty at best lately. Kinda wish I had my elephant memory back – I’d love to have a “remember when?” conversation again. Oh and I went to the memory you referenced and cringed again (see? I forgot what that one was about until the cringe factor came flooding back).
motherbumper’s last blog post..next up, moby
April 15th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I know, I know. I can remember every stupid thing I ever said.
Suebob’s last blog post..They are called “Games” for a reason
April 15th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I still kick myself mentally for things I’ve said years ago. Part of the problem is I don’t talk that much to begin with so if I do and I say something stupid or hurtful it’s even worse.
Heather’s last blog post..Apparently I’m a big pain in the A$$
April 15th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I, too, have things I’ve said that I regret from 15 or 20 years ago!
Why do we have so much trouble letting go of this stuff?
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..the dylan fashion files
April 16th, 2008 at 8:01 am
With you there my friend.
I still remember stuff from elementary school that I would rather forget. With detail.
On the other hand, comes in handy when you are following 350 people on twitter
April 16th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Oh I feel this pain deeply too.
I’m currently burning with shame for something that was said that I wish hadn’t been.
It’s a constant struggle to learn to suppress these memories.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Tanis Tours Toronto
April 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Me, too. Why can’t I remember birthdays? What is it with birthdays?
I’ve been beating myself up for being rude to my 11th grade prom date for years and years. Sometimes, I’ll be walking down the street and suddenly remember some silly thing that I said or did and, since I’m fair skinned and blush at the drop of a hat, turn bright red. Then I start to beat myself up over beating myself up. It’s silly, but it’s hard to cut off…
April 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I remember every meal anyone in my family ever ordered at a restaurant.
My sister remembers the name of every dentist or doctor she’s ever seen.
I can’t seem to remember when I booked my daughter’s well check, though.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Sometimes I wish there were things I didn’t remember. Seems like everyone else forgets those painful little details but me…..
April 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I always worry that I’ll run into the person I “dissed” all those years ago. it happens. I live in my home town after eleven years elsewhere.
Daisy’s last blog post..There must be a punch line here somewhere.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
You are so right. There a few things I carried for over 20 years. Just made peace with them this year. Guess who was the looser all those years…me……
I’m the one who carried the load, and didn’t know it until I let it go…great post..hope people get it..
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
http://www.grammology.com
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Interview with First Wives World
April 17th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Raise your hand if you remember the stupid things you’ve done and said and how they have embarrassed you beyond belief.
*STANDS ON CHAIR. WAVES ARMS FURIOUSLY.
Mocha’s last blog post..Catharsis