Like a sailor
Maybe I should be ashamed to admit it, but I’ve got a whole host of habits that aren’t exactly ladylike.
Many of them are just perfectly normal bodily functions which we all share, but which I’m disinclined to try to hide unless I’ve just met you or I’m at a fancy restaurant. I do have some couth, after all.
I also occasionally chug my beer, wolf down my food, and surreptitiously use my tongue to dislodge food stuck between my teeth. Hey, that’s better than using a toothpick or flossing at the table, right?
But my most unbreakable habit is swearing. Cursing. Cussing. Losing my religion. Working blue.
Kyle regularly admonishes me about swearing in front of the kids. In particular, he objects to my continued use of “shit” and “fuck”.
In my defense, I rarely drop the f-bomb, but it’s been known to happen. “Shit” is a whole different story.
I use “shit” casually several times a day, even in such benign instances as, “Pick up all your shit, please.”
See? I even say “please” in conjunction with “shit”.
Apart from the Magnadoodle incident, I almost never hear Tacy repeat the profanity I use. CJ did once; I dropped a piece of pizza on the floor and said, “God!” She finished my sentence for me: “Dammit!”
Kyle, on the other hand, doesn’t swear in front of the kids. Instead, he uses expressions and makes references that are way over their heads, maintaining that because they don’t yet understand it, it’s not an issue. I counter that just because they don’t understand it doesn’t mean they won’t repeat it to someone who does understand it (and will in turn judge us to be lousy parents).
Ideally, both of us would watch what we say. We’d also have infinite patience and smiles permanently plastered on our faces. But I don’t know of any parents like that, except maybe Mike and Carol Brady, and I’d probably be a lot more cheerful if I had a live-in housekeeper too.
At least then I wouldn’t have to tell my kids to pick up all their shit.
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April 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am
[...] Like a Sailor [...]
April 11th, 2008 at 10:46 am
I was once told that I had a mouth like a truck driver. Still do.
One rainy afternoon, Me & Maggie were leaving Target. A woman in a fancy car with no headlights on, talking on her cell-phone cut me off in the parking lot.
Later that day, Joe took Maggie to the police station with him to pick up his paycheck. When they came back, he put Maggie in the middle of the floor and asked her, “What does Mommy say in the car”? In her sweet little voice she says, “Futtin Bitz!!”
SIGH
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April 11th, 2008 at 11:38 am
“Pick up all your shit, please.”
I think the “please” is really a nice touch.
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April 11th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Apparently, I swear a lot.
I don’t notice it (which may be a sign of a SERIOUS problem) – but everyone else seems to.
Except the kids. Thank God they never listen to anything I say.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Sucking. At Life.
April 11th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I am guilty of this too. Sometimes I just can’t help it and it comes out in front of the kids (I’ve even told them to pick up all their shit if “crap” just isn’t going to do the job that day). Most of the time I try to make it into the bathroom or the garage or just to another room before I have at it under my breath…usually along the lines of “goddam fucking kids are driving me fucking crazy.” See, you’re not alone. You have me, anyway.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
see, i had the 2 year old who could form complete sentences, so i had to watch my very sea-worthy mouth from almost the beginning. lately, though, i’ve learned the benefit of a well-placed curse to make a parental point. like the other day when i told bob i just came to pick him up from school and i didn’t need any damn attitude. which ben disagreed with, saying it would come back to haunt me when bob told the teacher he didn’t want to do his damn homework. i countered with, my parents used 4-letter persuasion, and we knew damn good and well not to follow suit for fear of getting our asses beat–and bob would do the same. so far, so good.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
You may not want the kids to hear it, but one of the many reasons I enjoy hanging out with you is because I know you won’t care if I say something … off-color.
CJ: is awesome.
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April 11th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I am really worried about this… although not as worried as my husband is for me. The Pumpkin is just starting to repeat the words we say. And I say way to many cuss words. The hubby is keeps “reminding me” (that’s nicer than saying “nagging me” right?), so I’m trying. I’m glad to know it’s not just me.
caramama’s last blog post..Sick Day
April 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Heh, well then you have me. Whose four-year-old was in circle time at preschool and it was “Letter F Week”. The teacher asked them if they could think of words that began with F and of course, you know what he said. Sigh.
I’ve tried. Really tried. But sometimes I just can’t control the potty mouth, dammit.
Builder Mama’s last blog post..Unfreakinbelievable
April 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I still live with guilt that when I said Jesus, Thalia responded. “JESUS! JESUS CHRIST MOMMY.”
I guess, eh, it’s not so bad. I just imagine her future preschool teacher quietly judging us for it.
Although I think Builder Mama’s story takes the cake.
Mom101’s last blog post..Spring! Spring! Ouch, Spring.
April 11th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Now, if you didn’t teach Tacy to say “shit,” she wouldn’t teach it to Declan, and THEN where would we be?!?!
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be The Mama.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
My daughter drops her fork sometimes and says “God damn it.”
She’s 2!
How’s that for parenting?
Zellmer’s last blog post..Two
April 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I think if you use “please” with “shit” then it’s ok. I mean, fuck, we aren’t perfect.
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April 11th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I have to admit that my oldest daughter began talking at about 11 months. Her first word was “shit” and in the cereal isle at Safeway after dropping a toy on the floor, right in front of an elderly lady with a very judgemental stare. And apparently I am a very vocal driver from the things my kids will say when I slam on my brakes. At least I know they aren’t hearing impaired.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I too am bi-lingual, fully able to speak & read sailor. No funny accent either.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
*hangs head* I’m so guilty. So is the huz. We both say damn alot. Or dammit. One morning the youngest (3) told the oldest (6) to “just sit in the damn seat” already.
Yep, horrible parents we are.
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April 13th, 2008 at 8:53 am
I am guilty on the swearing front as well. Scott has taken to singing “I love a parade” instead. One of the kids inquired why he did it. He told them so he didn’t say a bad word. Like shit? She asked.
mamamaven’s last blog post..Fried!
April 13th, 2008 at 9:33 am
DH is constanting reminding me to watch my mouth. I tend to say shit often and the occational f-bomb will drop. I do my best to keep it G rated but in some situations the word flies out of my mouth before I can even think about it. Jackass is another one. That word I use rather often in my morning drive to take the kids to school. Seems like no one has the sence God gave them at 7:30 in the morning.
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April 14th, 2008 at 9:25 am
DUDE. This is one of the very many reasons why I love you. You are JUST LIKE ME.
Fuckin’ A.
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April 14th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
My MIL is Dutch and english is not her first language – she says shit constantly and we can’t seem to convince her that it’s even a swear word. It’s quite hilarious really…
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April 14th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
This right here? Makes me love the SHIT out of you. I drop the f-bomb alot. Especially while in traffic. Once my son even asked after a certain incident, “Mom? What’s a ‘dumbass’” Opps.
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April 15th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
Motherofbun, I can totally relate. I have had to work on this because my son is autistic and repeats things. Not just once but a lot. After hearing him say a few not so nice words in public, I have more or less nipped this habit. I had a few embarrassing moments with him saying things he shouldn’t. I still swear but I am careful about what I say and not saying it when he is nearby.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I have a problem with cursing, too. I grew up in a bar for fuck’s sake. I have to consciously make an effort not to swear in front of my kid, but I NEVER do it in front of others’ children. What is up with that? Ugh.
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