Elimination day at the zoo
Yesterday we went to the zoo, as has been our Easter tradition since 2003. As we were packing up, I called upstairs to Kyle, “Toss down a spare outfit, will you?”
“Think we’ll need it?” he called back.
“Remember what happened at the zoo when CJ was Oliver’s age?”
A striped sleeper landed on my head, and I tucked it into the diaper bag.
On our annual Easter outing in 2005, in the mouse house at the Bronx Zoo (fitting, isn’t it?), CJ blew out her diaper. Poop splattered all the way up her back, the outfit was unsalveagable, and I had no spare. We sat there in the darkness and wondered aloud what the hell we were going to do now.
A woman overheard us and offered up the spare outfit in her diaper bag. It was a short-sleeved onesie and way too big, but it was more than we had. I tried to get her address so that I could launder and return it, but she brushed me off, saying, “It’s been in there for months, probably doesn’t even fit my son anymore. Take it.”
We were grateful for her generosity, but a good samaritan like her doesn’t come around often. Best not to chance it this time.
At the zoo, we were watching the tiger pace back and forth when it stopped and began pawing at the grass.
“Is it…?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s going to…” Kyle started.
“The tiger’s peeing!” Tacy shouted gleefully.
She and CJ watched the tiger urinate. CJ turned to look at me and beamed, “Tiger go pee-pee!”
Next, we passed the elephants. In another moment of excellent timing, one elephant began to empty his bowels, and again my children were on hand to report the news. “Eh-fant pooping, Mommy!” CJ exclaimed.
“I bet he feels better,” Kyle snickered.
“Why?” asked Tacy.
“Everybody feels better after they poop,” Kyle told her. “That’s why old people are so cranky. They need to poop.”
Finally, just as we were heading out of the zoo, we passed the kangaroos. The good news: none of them were urinating or defecating. The bad news: two of them were copulating. Fortunately, only Kyle and I noticed it. But if the girls had asked, I suppose we could have told them that one kangaroo was giving the other kangaroo a piggy-back ride.
As we were packing up the car to leave, Oliver turned beet red and emitted an ominous rumble. I took a whiff, then unbuckled him and handed him to Kyle, who laid down the changing pad and began to unsnap Oliver’s sleeper.
“Hand me that spare outfit, will you?”
“Did he…?”
“Yeah, he did. All the way up his back.” He grabbed another handful of wipes.
Tacy snickered. “But I bet he feels better!”
March 24th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Oh yes, I know of what you write. Both of my kids did those blowout poops in public AT LEAST once. They’re so fun to change in tiny bathroom stalls too.
Heather’s last blog post..Easter preparations
March 24th, 2008 at 7:12 am
Ah, yes. I remember our first trip to the zoo. Tigger was amazed, not by the huge elephant, but by the huge pile of elephant poop. Surely that was what we paid our $50 to see.
Lisse’s last blog post..8 Days a Week
March 24th, 2008 at 7:20 am
LOL! Sounds like a GREAT time!
Maria’s last blog post..Happy Easter
March 24th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Ah yes … the glories of nature! On our recent trip we went to the zoo and saw some famous pandas. All the kids remember is that one of them scratched its butt in their presence.
mayberry’s last blog post..The first day of the week
March 24th, 2008 at 7:58 am
On our last trip to the zoo, my daughter wanted to know why the zebra had 5 legs. I kid you not, that thing was practically touching the ground. So fun, the zoo.
March 24th, 2008 at 7:59 am
I sooo laughed out loud!!
Catherine’s last blog post..Coolest Tricycle.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Oh my gosh. I got a giggle out of Tacy’s comment.
And piggyback rides. heheeeheee. Will have to keep that explanation in mind.
motherofbun’s last blog post..The essence of Amanda
March 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
The statment about old people needing to poop is funnY! It’s true they’re such crabs!
yes I always bring extra set of clothes on long outings!
mrsmogul’s last blog post..Maybe a GPS can navigate my life?
March 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
I love Atheist Day at the zoo, we went yesterday as well and practically had the whole place to ourselves. I think I’m going to join you in your tradition, maybe we can turn it into some sort of counterculture movement.
March 24th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Ha!
Last time I was at the zoo the orangatan was mounting his honey. I could not look away.
Jenny, Bloggess’s last blog post..High
March 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
OMG! Is THAT why I’ve been so cranky!
PunditMom’s last blog post..Dee Dee Myers is Ready to Rule the World. Are You?
March 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Great post! And I agree with Kyle totally.
Builder Mama’s last blog post..Laying an egg
March 24th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Lol! I bet they ALL felt better!
BetteJo’s last blog post..How many lives does one cat get?
March 24th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Heh heh.
the new girl’s last blog post..I Should Have A ‘Name This Post Contest’ And The Winner Can Have All My Expressed Breast Milk
March 25th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
And now he won’t be cranky.
Until tomorrow.
Mom101’s last blog post..Johnson & Johnson BabyGate: You Knew I Couldn’t Stay Quiet For Long
March 25th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Loved this post, from beginning to end.
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..The Half Years
March 25th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
First, what a lovely lady in 2005….
Sounds like a thrilling day at the zoo! Lots of action…
tracey’s last blog post..Gladys lives here
March 25th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
oh gosh all so true. and funny!
I took a flight when one of my kids was a baby and she exploded through her outfit and threw-up on the person next to me.
When I got off the plane, she was wearing a bib and a diaper.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..my so-called middle aged quest to do it all
March 25th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Just the other day, my daughter told my son to ignore me, I was just being cranky because I needed to poop.
Damn her. She was right.
I’m getting old.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Dear Self
March 26th, 2008 at 8:14 am
That was too funny! The whole post was just LOL funny!
We went to the zoo a couple weeks ago for the Pumpkin’s first birthday. When we arrived at the pandas, the bear was pooping. When we arrived at the elephants, the male elephant pooped, peed and then shook around his very large member. I found it all very funny, and thankfully the Pumpkin is still too young to notice.
caramama’s last blog post..Tourists, Nerds and Kids
March 27th, 2008 at 6:12 am
HAHAHA…”that’s why old people are cranky, they need to poop”…that’s awesome!!! LMAO!!!
March 27th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Piggy back rides…I’ll use that one if I ever have to teach sex ed again.
Daisy’s last blog post..We also need…a list for this