The bewildering behavior of the teeny weeny peeny (and its owner)
Wow.
I’m certainly overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and music, sponsored by three fabulous friends and joined by dozens more. Being that this is our third child, I never dreamed of being feted as I have - and I haven’t even posted yet about the surprise shower that my Bunco group threw for me this past Friday evening.
But at the risk of sounding ungrateful, you guys are freaking me the f**k out with all these posts about fire hoses and baby boners.
It’s not that I’m unfamiliar with the appendage (and its two sidekicks), but I’ve got to admit that I’ve never been really comfortable with the whole package. I’ve never examined it in great detail, except in the pages of my anatomy textbooks - and then only for the purpose of study. So it’s slightly unnerving that very soon, I’ll be partly responsible for the intimate care and cleanliness of one little guy’s most prized parts.
But even more than the exhortations to keep cloth diapers handy and covering those parts at all times when exposed, it’s that the reactions of these boys to their organs are so…reverent.
I mean, I knew Freud had an overinflated opinion of the male genitalia, what with all of his penis envy hoo-ha. Maybe men envy each other, with furtive sidelong glances in the locker room and at urinals, but I don’t know any women who secretly wish that they had some external bits to keep themselves entertained. If anything, men have breast envy (or fascination or obsession), based on some of the comments on our YouTube video.
I cracked up at Karianna’s description of how her boys sadly shake their heads and comment on how tragic it is that, unlike the rest of the household, she doesn’t have a penis. But it’s a perfect illustration of how boys feel about their penises, and it almost - ALMOST - makes me feel guilty about having publicly joked about the less-than-impressive endowment of a former boyfriend.
Don’t feel sorry for him. Even though he’s got a mother somewhere, he still doesn’t deserve your pity.
I’ve written about circumcision before, in a relatively abstract manner because who’d have ever thought that I’d need to make a decision in that regard? And I’ve gaped on the weirdness of comments made about other little boys’ penises, silently thanking my lucky stars that I’d never have to worry about my own mother-in-law making a similarly off the wall comment that I couldn’t just chalk up to her usual eccentricity.
Now I’ve reminded Kyle that I’m leaving the circumcision decision entirely up to him. I’ve made sure all the cloth diapers are washed and at the ready. And I’m actually fairly confident that my mother-in-law will not comment on the size of my son’s penis.
But I can’t promise that I’ll react in a mature way the first time I observe my son’s affection for his appendage. Or the second time. Or the umpteen zillion times after that.
At least I’ll know I’m not alone. Thank you.
January 21st, 2008 at 3:06 pm
It’s amazing what trouble that teeny weeny peeny can cause. But, seriously, I have just as much trouble with my peenyless ones. And you’re already a pro with those.
I’m so excited for you, J!
January 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm
You are welcome!
And for the record, if you ever wondered, Declan wears a turtleneck. I leaned that way medically (as in no reason for it) but I, too, also Miss Control Freak, left it up to Bryan. It pretty much came down to after6 weeks in the NICU, we couldn’t face putting him through any more … But I doubt things would have been any different had he come on time.
Whew. I fell better having able to talk about the wee-wee.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I hear that when my husband and I decide to procreate we’ll be thrilled, whether we have a boy or a girl. But I must say, the thought of a boy scares me. They’re just so…alien.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I will never forget what the night nurse said when she came in to my room and checked Oliver’s package: “Holy cow, wouldya look at the size of that swanger?!”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
It’s interesting, that’s for sure…
Congrats again Julie, and did I tell you how much I like the name you’ve chosen for your future son?
January 21st, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Don’t lie to your readers.
We all know you’re a penis expert.
I think a guest post from Kyle is in order.
Guest post! Guest post! Guest post!
January 21st, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I have one boy. I only have one kid. But I have 2 males in this house total and neither of them can hit the toilet. One is 5, the other is 30!!
My advice - invest in Clorox cleaning wipes Julie!
Congrats!!!!
January 21st, 2008 at 6:20 pm
I have been reading some of these posts and laughing and crying - isn’t this what a shower is all about?
Sorry no advice beyond keep it covered all the time - not much experience with wee ones.
January 21st, 2008 at 7:12 pm
I have a boy and a girl and there is no doubt that once a little boy discovers his favorite toy - it stays just that. I remember my son in the tub with my daughter and having to tell him “Sweetie, it’s okay if you want to touch yourself like that, but it’s something you do in private.” *titter titter*
January 21st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I can’t believe I forgot to mention that in my shower post-the fascination boys have with their penis! Oh yes, you will find them with their hands down their pants. I must have blocked that out
January 21st, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I was terrified of having to care for the boy parts too, but when you’re in the moment, you just do it right?
My son is almost 3 1/2 and still doesn’t really play with his unit. Perhaps he’s in the minority on that one. I think girls touch their parts just as much though!
January 21st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
There is nothing quite like the first time you catch your son yanking and tugging on his willy while in the tub or during a diaper change.
May you enjoy this branch of motherhood as much as I have.
And may you have faster reflexes than I did and miss the dreaded ‘golden shower’.
Smooches, friend.
January 21st, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Sorry to scare you. We just want you to be fully informed. After Opie was born I spent *weeks* looking at him saying “I can’t believe you are a BOY.”
January 21st, 2008 at 9:37 pm
My first one wasn’t a “whizzer” but my second one was, so I wasn’t prepared for it. I was caught off guard several times… And yes, they do like to touch it once they figure out it feels pretty good. Boys will be boys! Good luck and have fun!
January 22nd, 2008 at 2:18 am
I’ve had my fair share of baby golden showers. The bits and pieces are great for stopping poo from going everywhere though.
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:55 am
I come from the opposite perspective to you - two boys then a girl and let me tell you honestly, it is much easier to cope with a little peen than it is to deal with a little ladygarden. Seriously! No nooks & crannies to avoid poking, and sure they pee on you but you get a warning with boys - no such warning with girls. Also if it’s any help, over here boys aren’t routinely circumcised so both of my boys are intact.
Plus the deciding factor for me - you don’t have to cope with periods, first bras and potential pregnancy with a boy. Nobody’s going to get your son up the duff!
Good luck with it all, I’m sure you’ll be just fine
January 22nd, 2008 at 8:52 am
[...] pass so quickly, like Amy, Dawn, Louann, Charlotte,(we’d like a global perspective) YogaMum, Mothergoosemouse (congratulations again), Patios, Beck, Mama M, Leslie, Jess — and you know I can’t just [...]
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:01 am
I’m with Kristen. Kyle, tell us about your swanger.
January 22nd, 2008 at 9:22 am
Ah yes, penis stories. I know them well. Just wait till you have to change you sleeping boy out of his pee soaked pjs and his little poker is staring you in the eye.
PS - I’m late as usual but I posted some more boy stories to scare you today.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:42 pm
I too left the “big decision” to my husband when our son was born. Husband wasted no time saying “He’ll be circumcised.”
Eh, it really isn’t so hard to take care of; belly buttons gross me out more than a circumcised peen.
And yeah, your son will probably wee on himself a few times. But I’ve found that my son was a lot easier as a baby than my daughter was.
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:35 am
Bwahahahaha!
I swear they rub them like little worry stones in their pocket.
And depending on circ or no circ (we went no circ), they’ll extend that foreskin out until your husband stops him out of pure agony at the sight of it.
TMI?
Good.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:21 am
Reading all these posts has made me grateful that you are going bravely before me into that good penile night. You will be expected, you know, to report early, and often. xo
January 23rd, 2008 at 11:50 am
I realize this is not your most recent post, however that one is quite interesting as well. For me the thought of sharing a hospital room is alien to me.
Anyway, my son is 18 months. When he found his little winky I laughed so hard I cried. He stared at it, grabbed it, looked at us like “Um, do you see this cool thing I have down here?” then looked at it again. Funny! Oh, and baby wash cloths, or dirty jammies work just fine to cover the nether regions during a diaper change.
Congrats!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
While I don’t know for sure, I have been told that intact boys do not pee every time their diaper is removed the way circ’d boys do. In my experience, this is true. Chip never sprayed me.
I had no idea that people were doing this wonderful shower thing for you, but I would love dedicate a post I wrote last week to you. It is certainly in keeping with the theme!
http://heartfull.wordpress.com/2008/01/18/wham-bam-thank-ya-mam/
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Julie, just wanted to wish you all the very best. Please know that I’m showering you with happiness and health and all good things.
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:13 pm
I love your blog. I am also expecting 32 weeks and counting. I have 1 girl and 1 boy. This one is a surprise. Yes my 2 year old son is very excited about his penis. He will show anyone who will look so Keep an eye out for the mad flasher. My sister has an almost 4 year old boy and lately he is very proud to show mommy how he makes his peepee grow. Not looking forward to that. Good luck!
January 24th, 2008 at 4:39 am
damn! I am so sorry I missed the boat on this one, but I know you lurve me anyway.
As for penises — I’m surrounded by them! It’s actually ok. A houseful of dicks, heh!