Sawing logs
My husband doesn’t sleep with me anymore.
No, it’s not because of my perfunctory attempts at foreplay. It’s because I snore in my third trimester.
Typically, I’m one of the quietest sleepers around. I don’t snore, I’m not a mouth-breather, and Kyle swears that I inhale and exhale silently. He, on the other hand, regularly snores himself awake.
Equally opposite are our reactions to noisy sleepers. When he falls asleep before I do and inevitably begins to snore, I just shove him. More than once, if necessary. Eventually I fall asleep too; his snoring doesn’t keep me awake, and once I’m asleep, it doesn’t wake me.
But he is a complete and total hypocrite where it comes to snoring, and he fully admits it. When Tacy comes into our room in the middle of the night, he sends her back to her room – not because her presence violates the sanctity of the marriage bed, but because she breathes heavily (as sleeping children tend to do) and it disturbs him. The only reason he tolerates having me next to him is that I’m quiet.
Except when I’m thirty pounds heavier than usual and my nasal passages have swelled up to the point that I can’t even wedge a Q-tip in there, let alone breathe silently.
For several weeks, we’d go to sleep in the same bed, but I’d awaken to find his side vacant. And later I’d guiltily ask him what time he finally gave up and went to sleep in the guest room.
He’d always reassure me that this was his problem, not mine, and that he was just trying to make it easier on both of us.
Now we’ve abandoned all pretense at trying to share a bed. He sleeps all night in the guest room, where he can snore freely. And I sleep in our bed, where I can snore freely – and make trips to the bathroom, and rattle the container of Tums, and flip from side to side more than a dozen times a night – without fearing that I will disturb him. It’s working well for both of us.
But as I’ve warned him, the jig is up once this baby arrives. He’ll come back upstairs where he belongs and assume night duty right beside me. I won’t insist that he tolerate my snoring, but we’re going to have to endure a crying baby together.
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:55 am
Don’t tell my husband, but I kind of enjoyed the first few weeks of Anna’s life when we didn’t sleep in the same bed. We’d split up the night shift and one of us would sleep on the spare bed we set up in the dining room with the bassinet next to the bed. That way we’d each get about four hours of undisturbed sleep a night. Now that we’re co-sleeping full time with our little one, he doesn’t take much of a separate shift… and that stinker of a husband gets to put on his c-pap mask and sleep through all the feedings and changings and roll overs. Bastard.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:23 am
Ha. Yeah. I slept on my own since 21 weeks.
It was more because at 6ft 200lbs I took up most of the full bed. But at least the huz was nice enough to tell me it was because I snored.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:49 am
I had no idea that the snoring was common.
I’ve been waking myself up for weeks now. K sleeps right through it, but my snoring wakes me up. Lovely.
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:55 am
I wish my husband’s snoring would wake him up, but it only wakes ME up. Glad you’ve figured out a good system!
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:13 am
Sometimes I think the Victorians had it right, with his-and-hers bedrooms! (Oh, and a team of nannies and governesses.)
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:48 am
Or maybe the baby would like to sleep in the guest room?
Hmmmm….
January 2nd, 2008 at 11:39 am
First I gotta say, only 30lbs? I’m so jealous (says my 65+lb weight gain that still hasn’t receded two years later).
I got my own bed from 34 weeks on but he was tied to my side once B came along… there was no getting out of the middle of the night feedings – hell no!
January 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
amen to that. ben’s been sleeping on the pull-out in the family room–at my request. to my credit, i only request when he’s been drinking beer or eating garlic (and therefore has breath that makes my hair curl) or when he defies the sanctity of my sleeping space by farting under the covers.
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I get my own bed, most nights, from conception. When it comes to snoring (his) I’m a total bitch and a light sleeper, and I’ve been known to leave bruises. It’s safer if he sleeps in another room!
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Ha, this was us. I LOVED that he slept on the couch at the end of the pregnancy …mostly so I could sleep. Guarantee you Nate’s snoring puts Kyle’s to shame. We’ll test it out soon, chez vous. (We’ll make them share a room and see who wakes up first.)
January 2nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Amen! Night feedings are the new black.
January 2nd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
My husband is not pregnant, but snores like a hedgehog! We joke about being that couple who have separate bedrooms by the time we retire
Hope all is going well with your pregnancy. Happy New Year!!!
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
pregnancy sure is glamorous, isn’t it??!
January 2nd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Jeff and I both snore, so basically each evening includes a race to see who can fall asleep first!
January 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 pm
I have been sleeping by myself for so long that when my BF does stay over – I have trouble sleeping. I LOVE having the bed all to myself!
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:15 am
I’ve always snored, but I was particularly bad when pregnant. Coupled with the fact that I needed 1,000 pillows and most of the bed to get comfortable, it was a sure thing Aaron was sleeping on the sofa for awhile.
He snores, too, and on bad nights I still banish him to the sofa. He can fall asleep through most of my snoring, but I can’t fall asleep unless it is totally quiet.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:17 am
aaah! the bliss of a 3rd trimester snore and an empty bed to roll around in. Enjoy it while you can, m’lady.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
Ohhhh I remember those days – we were the exact same way. I am sure you could hear my snores down the street!
January 3rd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Yeah, dang it!!!
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:46 pm
We had to get a bigger bed when I was pregnant last time just so we could fit all of us–hubby, toddler, dog, body pillow, preggo me–who often tried to share the bed together at least one point during the week. Even then it still wasn’t big enough.
Enjoy all that extra space in the bed!
January 3rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
For some reason, the image of you snoring completely cracks me up.
Remind me to tell you the Schnarcher story from the last time we were in Germany sometime.
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
If you reverse the genders and minus me snoring, ever, you have the exact reason that The Man and I no longer share a marital bed (like, hardly ever.) I leave to go to the guest room on the REGULAR. Eventually, I just started sleeping all night in there (when I was PG) and have yet to FULLY transition back.
I figure, my grandparents were married for 65 years and they had separate bedrooms.
Coincindence? I think NOT.
lol.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:11 pm
My husband brags about this:
1. I slept in the desert in 1991 in Desert Storm, in the sand with aircraft taking off and lights flashing in the sky. I can sleep through anything.
2. I slept in a tent in Turkey next to the runway for 3 weeks waiting on my transportation to Synop. I can sleep through anything.
3. I worked swing shift for 7 years. I can sleep through anything.
And, he complains about this:
1. I can’t sleep with your (that would be me) snoring. (Nevermind that I have sleep apnea and have a serious sleeping disorder. I use a sleep apnea mask but sometimes when I get up to go to the bathroom, I forget to put it back on…in my sleep). So, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THREE ABOVE THAT HE BOASTS ABOUT? That’s what I ask.
2. I can’t sleep in our bed with 2 small children. So, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE THREE ABOVE THAT HE BOASTS ABOUT?
Men, weird little creatures I tell you!
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 pm
oh this all sounds familiar. my husband snores all the time, i have to roll him to one side and then he is good. i CAN NOT sleep with any noise. however, come my third trimester i start snoring something fierce. so fierce that my hubby who wakes for nothing – no screaming baby, no alarm clock, no NOISE can wake this man. Yet my third trimester snoring woke him. Not enough to make him leave the bed, but enough for him to comment to me and he really wanted to tape me to see it.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:42 pm
hmmm, I always wondered why popular entertainment in the ‘olden days always portrayed the marriage room with two beds…who knew it was the woman’s doing?
KIDDING!
Wishing all the best for a Happy 2008!!
January 5th, 2008 at 7:50 am
The memories are so fresh to me, my baby girl is 11 weeks old and any sleepless nights are better than pregnancy sleepless nights, the best of luck to you and take care.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I’m not sure which one o fus is snoring worse now — but it’s not pregnancy, it’s age. I still remember sleeping alone during a long ago pregnancy because he was working nights. That was a blessing in disguise, I guess!