The old standby isn’t anymore
Tacy and I are discussing what to pack in her lunch for a field trip.
J: How about pasta? It’ll be cold though.
T: No thank you.
J: A turkey sandwich?
T: No.
J: Baloney?
T: Um…no.
J: How about a hummus sandwich?
T: What’s that?
J: Chick peas. Your daddy and I like it.
T: No thank you.
J: Well, let’s see. We’re running out of options. Tuna salad? Egg salad?
T: What?
J: Never mind.
T: Why can’t I have peanut butter?
J: We’ve been over this. One of the kids who’s going on the trip is allergic.
T: But I took peanut butter on the LAST field trip.
J: This time a different class is coming along, and there’s a child in that class who has allergies, so peanut butter is not an option this time.
T (gusty sigh): It’s not fair that I can’t have peanut butter.
J (getting exasperated): Well, as much as you think it sucks that you can’t have peanut butter, it sucks even more for the child who’s allergic. Kids with peanut allergies can’t even be AROUND peanut butter – it can make them very sick.
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I’m ashamed to admit this, but a few years ago, my attitude was a lot like Tacy’s.
One of my PIMs had posted a similar lament – there was an upcoming field trip on which peanut butter was not allowed, due to allergies. I posted a snarky response, and subsequently got my ass chewed by another PIM – and deservedly so.
You’d have thought that as a fellow mother, not to mention someone with a more-than-rudimentary understanding of physiology and immunology, I wouldn’t have acted like such a tool. That I would have recognized the serious nature of many allergies. That I would have been sympathetic to the parents who undoubtedly worry every day about the health and well-being of their kids, far beyond the usual parental worries. That I would have been reminded to be grateful for my own child’s iron constitution.
I know better now.
When we have playdates, I ask about allergies. I’ve written about allergen-free treats. I’ve got friends both online and offline who struggle with food allergies and sensitivities in their children. And while I’ve still never even held an epi-pen, my oldest and dearest friend teaches elementary school and has received extensive training on administering injections while keeping the rest of the class calm and orderly (as if teachers didn’t have enough pressure on them already).
Didn’t food allergies used to be the (extremely rare) exception? Thinking back, I can’t recall a single classmate with a food allergy. The only people I knew with any sort of allergies were my grandmother – whose weekly trip to the doctor for allergy shots horrified me (Shots! Every week! How awful!) – and my brother, who is allergic to penicillin.
Now, the possibility of food allergies – life-threatening ones – is just one more all-too-real worry for parents. Even if you’re lucky enough that your own kids don’t have any allergies, their friends might, and it’s almost a sure bet that at least one of their classmates will. Personally, I’m anxiety-prone as it is; if any of my children were so severely allergic that they might go into anaphylactic shock, I’d have a hard time ever letting them leave my side. And frankly, I have to admit it would make me terribly nervous to host a playdate with a child who had such a severe allergy. I wouldn’t turn it down, but I’d probably ask the child’s mother to stay too – at least the first few times.
We’ve been fortunate that neither of our girls have allergies (although Tacy did have a touch of eczema for a year or so), and that the worst health issues we’ve struggled with have been CJ’s ear infections. I have to wonder about this new baby though – while I haven’t done anything markedly different during this pregnancy as compared to the first two, he’s being born into a different environment altogether. What kind of impact will that have on his health?
Hopefully, between my dusty house, my crumby kitchen floor, and Kyle’s and my robust genetics, this baby will be just as healthy as his big sisters. For now, we’ll just have to wait and see.
December 9th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
This is a great post. My son has a milk protein allergy (whey and casein) so his teachers keep a bag of Oreos at school for him to have when others bring in cupcakes and other goodies that he can’t eat for birthdays. Last week, one of the moms went out of the way to make him Jello since she was bringing cupcakes that he couldn’t have. I called her and thanked her profusely since it really did make his day. I have recently found a chocolate cookie recipe that is acceptable for him. I can’t believe it took me so long to realize they make dairy free chocolate chips… I hope the new baby is a allergy free as your girls.
December 9th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
That should have been “as allergy free…”
December 9th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Yeah, what is going on that so many kids have allergies today? My oldest is allergic to milk (casein) and, while I think it is much easier to deal with her allergy than some others (I shudder thinking about soy or wheat), it can be really really hard. Especially when we go to a group gathering with NO ’safe snacks’ (I’ve learned to always keep some in the car). I’m also fortunate though that so many people are understanding and will go to great lengths to make sure my daughter has something to eat.
For Divrchk—I still make the ‘Toll House’ chocolate chip cookie recipe for my daughter but use her soy margerine and dairy-free chocolate chips. Mmmmmmm. . .You’d never know the difference.
December 9th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
It just makes me wonder what we’re doing that we have so many more children with such intense allergies.
December 9th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
I have thought about this same exact thing – the idea of how could I ever let my children leave my side. It is impossible to know EVERYTHING your child will come in contact with in a case like this. I mean, danger lurks around every corner.
My son has allergies – they’ve become a bit less severe as he’s become older, but the late night rushes to the ER praying he was breathing when we arrived is enough for me to take seriously ANY allergic reaction.
Silly things like taking Trail Mixes to the park have changed.
We’ve had a lot on our plate and yet, it feels trivial with what moms of severely allergic children experience.
Fabulous post Julie.
Thank you.
December 9th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
I feel so lucky too, knock wood. My niece has a major egg allergy and while it doesn’t quite seem to be life-threatening thank God, it’s scary enough when she breaks out in terrible hives. What is going on with the world that so many kids are allergic these days? Yikes.
December 9th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
we’re still introducing food slowly – even at 18 months, we’re just starting dairy – to avoid some (all!) of the dietary issues Mr.Q has. but I know, now that she’s in daycare, stuff’s gonna happen even though we send all our own food. and we can only hope that it works out okay.
December 10th, 2007 at 6:40 am
we have gluten issues here. Tessa seems to have it too but her school repeatedly violates her gluten free diet by not clearing things with me first. Unfortunatly I feel like I cant make too many waves considering her monthly tuition is only the cost of basic supplies and costs us half of what her old school did and they also kept accidentally feeding her gluten!
I was going to take to the task of educating them but quickly realized that she has her main teacher and then 20 or so student teachers who cycle through the room per hour. Logistically there is no way for me to “train” or educate them on this topic and actually make a substantial impact.
Thankfully they have removed obvious signs of gluten but still give me that RCA dog look when I ask if I can make playdoh for Tessa to play with since the commercial stuff is made with wheat. They have removed the obviously non gluten free snacks for the most part, though Tessa has her own cookies and pretzels for teh few days that they have goldfish or something.. but the less obvious like lunch meat with gluten additives are still fed to her.. I’m so glad that her issues doesnt cause acute and immediately deadly symptoms. I have a hard enough time as a parent coping with this, I could not imagine a severe peanut allergy or something
December 10th, 2007 at 9:06 am
I remember when that happened! I am amazed, actually, that our school still allows and even serves peanut butter.
It has to be so tough for you parents dealing with this issue. My brother had pretty severe environmental allergies and asthma as a kid and it was scary.
December 10th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
I have one child with no allergies, which he proudly boasts even at six. One with an OJ allergy and one with a drug allergy. I have no idea what I did different. I have a few thoughts, but dont’ want my ass chewed out for them, lol.
December 10th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Fabulous. Can I steal this for my own site, since I do have an anaphylactic kid?
December 10th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Cordy has a weird allergy to cinnamon, and it looks like she’s recently developed a sensitivity to tomatoes. Two foods that are easily hidden in nearly everything. It’s frustrating.
Mira hasn’t shown any allergy signs yet, but then again Cordy’s didn’t develop until she was 18 months. I’m hoping she won’t have to deal with it.
December 11th, 2007 at 9:07 am
I have no allergies to food or medicine and neither does my husband or any of our kids. We’re lucky beyond our wildest imagination and I think we take that for granted.
December 11th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
It really is amazing once you become conscious of it, isn’t it? I deal a lot with allergy bloggers in my work and what they go through is amazing — both allergy sufferers and parents of kids with allergies. Every play date is an act of faith! As a mom of grown kids though I think you’re wise to wonder about your newest arrival; there are so many more allergic kids than there were when my kids were growing up. There’s lots of interesting material related to environmental causes, too.
December 13th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Well done, Julie.
It’s a challenge, no doubt. Then I look in Monkey Man’s class – out of 19 kids, three have peanut allergies – one is contact anaphylactic. I’m just thankful that MM isn’t that serious.
The funny thing is that until you know someone well who has a food allergy, you wonder what the big deal is. People just don’t understand how hard it is to find things for FA kids to eat. I always try to educate, educate, educate – because one wrong move could cost a child his life.
December 13th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
My son is seven months old and has “sensitivities” to milk, wheat, soy, and corn. I am breast feeding. You can imagine the things I can eat; hardly nothing. I pray that he will outgrow most of these and I won’t have to worry about it.
I’ve adjusted well enough to my diet. However, now that we’re trying to feed him solids, it’s difficult to find foods without all those things in them to give to him. I spend a lot of time trying to cook up different things and to discover new things for him to eat.
Believe it or not, I learned a lot about allergies through a TV show called Doctorology. It’s on Discovery Health, it stars Leslie Nielsen from the Naked Gun movies. It’s a slapstick educational program about various issues.
It may not be on TV anymore, but I’m sure you can buy it somewhere. Happy Holidays!
December 19th, 2007 at 8:23 am
thank you for this. my own child is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts and cinnamon and there are a lot of parents who don’t get it, and frankly do not care. education is the key.