Don’t ask; they’ll tell
Updated below with major late-breaking news: YouTube isn’t run by a bunch of prudish immature pussies after all!
At the risk of inducing vomiting, my husband is one of the most genuinely nice people out there. He’s not above the occasional sarcastic remark, and he’s been known to annoy his buddies, usually after one Fat Tire too many at a poker game. But I don’t believe he could ever be deliberately cruel, and more often that not, he’s the one who has to remind me to give others the benefit of the doubt.
He’s also absolutely devoted to his family. He has long been devoted to the mere idea of having a family, and I’m the lucky girl who’s along for the ride.
(Are you sick yet?)
Also, not only was he always sure that he wanted kids, he never doubted his ability (or his wife’s) to produce them. When we began talking about having kids, I brought up the possibility that we might have trouble conceiving.
What if I can’t have a baby?
Of course you can.
But I don’t KNOW that.
His unflagging confidence was reassuring, but I still wondered how he would react if we didn’t conceive easily.
Obviously that hasn’t been a problem – we even managed to conceive while taking great precautions NOT to conceive. I’ve realized from the beginning how fortunate we are, and that realization has been underscored several times as I’ve watched friends both inside and outside the computer struggle mightily to conceive and carry to term their biological children. They’ve gone to great expense and through much pain and inconvenience (how would you like a shot in the ass every morning?), and all we have to do is look at each other a little too long and BAM! two lines appear on the stick.
In light of the absolute enjoyment he gets out of being a father, he has a difficult time understanding why anyone else might not want a family. And given the confidence he’s always had that he WOULD become a father, it doesn’t occur to him that others might have difficulty conceiving.
So even though his intentions are good and his questions are borne of enthusiasm, I have to elbow him in the ribs now and then.
Don’t ASK that.
What? I just want to know when they’ve having kids. I’m excited for them.
Maybe they don’t WANT kids. Or maybe they’re having trouble. Not everyone conceives as quickly and easily as we did.
But he continues to ask, and I just have to hope that the people he’s asking understand that he’s just been drinking the kiddie Kool-Aid (and that he’d really and truly never want to make them feel uncomfortable or sad).
Even though I don’t ask (or at least I try really hard not to), every so often I’ll hear news of a new baby that absolutely thrills me to pieces – news from people who I really like, who I’ve often thought would make wonderful parents, but whose personal plans I’m not privy to. When I hear that kind of good news, I can’t help but bubble over with enthusiasm, and it’s then that I can understand why Kyle sometimes can’t stop himself from asking the questions that he does.
Many congratulations to David and Leigh Ann, and to PBN blogger Fidget and her expanding family too.
——————————
As we close out The Year of the Recall, it occurs to me that maybe there are people out there who are perfectly fertile and want nothing more than to have kids, but they’re scared shitless to do so for fear that they might unknowingly give their own kid a date rape drug. If you’ve got questions for the toy industry, go visit my friend Mom-101 who has managed to get them into a dialogue. Leave a question (or two or three) in her comments, and she’ll get them answered. (And believe me, she’ll get them answered.)
Meanwhile, since YouTube has so far refused to answer our questions about the reason(s) why they removed our original video – which, by the way, was created by my kiddie Kool-Aid drinking husband – we’ve removed the soundtrack and posted it again, along with an online press release at the League of Maternal Justice.
Email received from YouTube tonight at 9:28pm MST:
Hi there,
Thank you for your email. We have reviewed the video and have found that
it was removed in error and we appologize (sic) for any inconvenience this may
have caused. The video has now been reinstated and your account has not
been penalized.
Sincerely,
Mike
The YouTube Team
We’ve already drawn one freaky comment (something about a falconry glove), and one well-intentioned but misinformed comment lecturing us about rules (someone who apparently didn’t read our blurb about the video, noting that breastfeeding in public is legally protected in nearly all 50 states). As always, this topic can use some commentary and insight from those who know the most about it – moms and those who support them.
Well, will you look at that?!
Go ahead – look at it. Because it’s back up.
Okay, Facebook. Take a lesson. Prove that YOU’RE not a bunch of prudish immature pussies either.
December 5th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
In all the time Jeff and I were trying to conceive and through the two pregnancy losses, we got asked that question a LOT. Sometimes it hurt and sometimes it was easier to brush off. We kept our infertility issues pretty close to the vest in our personal lives so I always tried to remember that the askers didn’t know what we were going through and it was just a well-meaning question.
What used to hurt a lot more was the comments from people who KNEW we were having trouble keeping a pregnancy – the “Oh, you can always adopt” comments or the “Don’t worry, you’ll get pregnant again”. Man, that stuff was just awful.
December 5th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I give so much credit to blogs and bloggers for helping me become much more sensitive to these issues. It has really been an education.
December 5th, 2007 at 8:33 pm
That Kyle’s one lucky guy. I hope you remind him of that daily.
December 5th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Both of my sisters in law have conceiving issues. It’s never been a problem for us. heck this baby forth coming is a product of me religiously taking my pill every single blessed day. Hanging onto a pregnancy has always been difficult. Going through losses, I think has made me much more sensitive to what my sisters in law are going through, even though I dont completely understand it.
I have to agree the “dont worry you can always adopt” comments and especially the “it wasnt meant to be”
comments made me practically homicidal.
December 6th, 2007 at 7:37 am
Those of us without kids appreciate your sensitivity to the issue, too. Nothing silences a room in our house faster than, “So when are you two gonna have kids?”
December 6th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Woohoo! That’s awesome about YouTube! Good news…
December 9th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Woohoo! Go YouTube!
December 9th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
yay YouTube!