Thanks to the turncoats
Just last night, I had a dream about my first grade teacher. She may not even be living anymore, but I remember her well enough to picture her accurately whether I’m asleep or awake.
She gave me extra math exercises, let me grade papers for her, and loaned me her playground whistle to scare away dogs at the bus stop. She challenged me, gave me responsibility, and helped me gain confidence and independence.
Since then, many other people have done the same for me, whether they intended to or not. Some people were positive influences, providing guidance and support. Some were negative influences, inspiring me to prove them wrong. Some disguised themselves as positive influences, only to turn or disappear at crucial moments.
I’m grateful to those who had such confidence in me; their belief in my abilities and their willingness to support me – even when doing so put their own credibility on the line – strengthened my resolve to succeed.
I’m tolerant of those who stepped on or over me for whatever reason; while they’ve upset me temporarily at times, they’ve not exerted any lasting deleterious effects.
But I’ve learned the most from those who played the part of supporters when times were good, but were nowhere to be found when times were bad.
They taught me that those in the first group, the tried-and-true supporters, are rare. That most people, as is human nature, will stick up for you and stick with you so long as it serves their immediate interests too. That if you want something, it is up to you to go out there and get it. Make your own case for yourself. If someone else goes to bat to help you achieve your goal, that’s wonderful – but don’t ever expect it. And don’t be disappointed or resentful if they don’t go to bat for you. It’s your goal – you want it, you get it.
I’ve had many great opportunities in my career, and I’m thankful that so many people had such confidence in me. I’m still awed by their willingness to stick up for me, and I hope I never let them down.
I’ve also had times where I had to fight for myself, seemingly with very few or no allies. I learned who I could trust and who I couldn’t, who really believed in me and who preferred the path of least resistance. I may have been temporarily upset with those who turned away, but I understand why they did. They were looking out for themselves, and I can’t blame them for that, because I was looking out for myself as well. Our interests simply weren’t shared.
So while I’ve had many fantastic influences over the years who have helped shape my career and my life, as self-centered as it may sound, I’ve learned the most from the times I’ve had to rely on just myself to get where I want to go.
Thanks to Susan Getgood for this thought-provoking tag! I’d love to hear from a few of my PIMs – Aimee, Gretchen, and Liz: “Who had a big influence on you and how did that affect the direction of your life or career?”
November 25th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
My first grade teacher was Mrs. Capobianco. I think I was almost as tall as she was when I was in first grade.
Caring teachers are the most wonderful people. I would bet most have no idea the amount of influence they have on their students’ lives.
The biggest influence on my life? My mom. Her influence is my moral compass.
November 25th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Very well-written, Julie, and as you said, thought-provoking. The three people who had the biggest influence on my life were all teachers. My 4th and 5th grade teacher, Mr. Kraus, my 8th grade U.S. history teacher, Ms. Warner, and my college biology professor, Dr. Ogden. They inspired my love of learning and encouraged me to become a teacher myself. I aspire to be as influential to my students as they were to me.
November 26th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Be grateful you can remember rights/wrongs from your early school days. Bossy vaguely remembers one of those big square things. A chalk board.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
What a great segeway into Thanksgiving. I’m thankful for educators too but clearly they didn’t do that much because I’m pretty sure I spelled segeway wrong, but you get the point..
November 26th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
I like the direction of this post and the need to rely on yourself first and foremost, but that in order to reach that point, you had to have the self-confidence to try. I wish that for all our children – the confidence to try.
November 26th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
What a fantastic post. I think the ability to rely on yourself is a skill that is underutilized in society today. It also makes the people that stand beside you in times of trouble that much more special.