Been caught stealing once when I was five
Actually, never. Never got caught, never even tried.
Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Shoplifting always struck me as a high risk, low return sort of pursuit. Even if I succeeded, I wouldn’t be able to steal anything that I couldn’t actually buy for myself. So why take the risk of getting in trouble when I could just buy the item and leave the store with a clear conscience and a normal pulse rate?
I don’t remember any of my friends (well, with one exception – and she stole from me) stealing either. Sure, we pulled plenty of other stunts that make me cringe in retrospect, but even at our most reckless, we didn’t shoplift.
That’s not to say that I haven’t discovered items in my possession – usually after arriving home – that I hadn’t paid for. Once at Target, the clerk piled a bag in my cart that actually must have belonged to the customer ahead of me. I didn’t realize it until I’d carried it upstairs and unpacked it only to find a boy’s tee shirt. I tucked it into my Goodwill bag and donated it. Another time, Kyle ended up with a grocery bag containing two packages of catfish that he hadn’t bought. He trawled the Food Network site for a recipe and pan-fried those filets. The clean-up was epic, but the fish was delish, even with a side of guilt.
But the idea of coveting an item, yet being unwilling to pay for it, and then scheming a way to sneak it into my possession – I can’t feature it. I couldn’t then, and I can’t now. Too much stress for me, thanks.
I’m guessing that I’m in the goody two shoes minority on this one. So c’mon, shoplifters of the world unite and take over my comments. Tell me about your exploits. What made shoplifting worth the risk for you?
October 25th, 2007 at 9:27 am
I’m with you. There have been times when I’ve thought “It would be so easy to take….” but I know that as soon as I put that item in my pocket I would be overcome with guilt and every time I entered the store after that I would feel like I was being watched the whole time.
October 25th, 2007 at 10:14 am
I stole a plum once. I justified it by saying it was just a bigger grape, and everyone sneaks a few at the grocery store, don’t they?
Love the Jane’s Addiction reference, BTW.
October 25th, 2007 at 10:38 am
I’ve stolen cosmetics when I couldn’t afford them. Why? They are tiny, and overpriced. I mean come on! $10.00 for Lipstick???!! It’s just a glob of colored oil! And $100 for perfume? The beauty industry robs us of our money and in turn makes us feel bad about ourselves. I feel completely justified. If the USA is fine with raping third world countries for cheap lipstick labor, then I’m fine with sticking it up Wal-Mart’s cellulite ass.
October 25th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I’m sure you will not be surprised that I am sitting with you at the Goody Two Shoes table.
October 25th, 2007 at 11:01 am
I may have had sticky fingers as a teen in junior high (maybe my nickname was five finger discount but I can’t say for sure). Items may have consisted of make-up, tapes, and small things but if I did it, I grew out of it (though some friends didn’t and got busted in high school).
Honestly, it’s an adrenaline rush and a total thrill when successfully executed – that’s what makes it addictive. Awesome post title MGM
October 25th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
I shoplifted in junior high but only stuff that was stupidly expensive. For example, $25 guess socks. They were asking to be stolen.
October 25th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I’m too much of a good girl, I never did it. Nope, I left that to my brother. He was big on stealing candy and small things. Until he was in High School and then I think he figured out how much trouble he could get in and stopped.
If I did steal, I’d so be stealing a IPhone right about now.
October 25th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I stole a ton when I was younger…16, 17 years old. I lived by myself, did lots of drugs, and couldn’t have cared less at the time if I got caught. I mostly stole clothes…and just from stores. I never took a single thing from a ‘person’. (Not that stealing from a store is too much better, I know.)
I got caught quite awhile later (still when I was 17) stealing a $7 thing of make up…and it wasn’t even for me. I never stole again. LOL
October 25th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
I got caught shoplifting in junior high at a Bradlee’s store. My heist? LEE PRESS-ON NAILS! Gawd.
That was the one and only time I can ever remember my Mom saying the F word, as in, “What the f*ck were you thinking?”
October 25th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
When I was about 8 a friend and I walked up to the drugstore (we used to go to the store by ourselves all the time) with little brown lunch bags. We went to the candy counter and filled our little bags and then went to the front of the store and sat on this small ledge where they displayed the newspapers, and started to eat our bootie. DORKS.
Of course we were caught and pulled back to stand before the grey haired scary pharmacist who told us to leave and not come back!
I didn’t go back into that store for YEARS.
I still can’t fathom what we were thinking! Wasn’t a very well thought out plan.
October 26th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I’m too busy thinking of how much I love Jane’s Addiction to tell you a shoplifting story now.
October 27th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Would this be the appropriate comment thread to reveal my man crush on Dave Navarro?
October 31st, 2007 at 10:54 am
Of the many ridiculous things I did as a teenager, this is one thing I can honestly say I never attempted. However, considering some of my other exploits, perhaps I should have stuck with shoplifting?