Comments on: The 4Cs: Conflict, criticism, compassion, and confidence http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/ A first-grader destined for a career as a lawyer, a pre-schooler whose screams can shatter glass, a bouncing baby boy who evaded an IUD, a man who can drink his weight in Natty Light, and a woman who has long since given up caring about the condition of her kitchen floor. Mon, 05 Apr 2010 11:10:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: motherofbun http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-89225 motherofbun Tue, 25 Sep 2007 22:36:59 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-89225 Mehopes karma comes back and bites that guy in the butt! Mehopes karma comes back and bites that guy in the butt!

]]> By: Julie Pippert http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-89189 Julie Pippert Tue, 25 Sep 2007 19:40:41 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-89189 Hmm. I missed the exchange but on the point in this post, I have many thoughts swirling. I think it is quantity of time. I do. Here, I know...go check out Miguelina's latest post. I think it's a great explanation of being the expert on your child and the rest is just noise. Julie <a href="http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/">Using My Words</a> Hmm. I missed the exchange but on the point in this post, I have many thoughts swirling. I think it is quantity of time. I do.

Here, I know…go check out Miguelina’s latest post. I think it’s a great explanation of being the expert on your child and the rest is just noise.

Julie
Using My Words

]]> By: Leigh Ann http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-89016 Leigh Ann Tue, 25 Sep 2007 04:19:59 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-89016 Disclaimer: This is the therapist in me writing... I find it interesting that "Bad Ati2d" is reading a blog about parenting written predominantly by women (no offense Mitch). Obviously on some level he's trying to find connections, and perhaps even some answers, in parenting his own children. I've no doubt, given the information he provided about his children, that he's had his fair share of "public expressions" and endured his fair share of staring - and not just for screaming but for other behaviors exhibited by *both* his children. (It's not easy to be the sibling of a child with a disability.) I also was keenly aware of how he described his daughter, "genetically average - much to her chagrin." My guess is this is much to his chagrin. (I'm unaware of many 14-year-olds who evaluate their genetic make-up.) There is a lot of loss associated with having a child with a disability. There's also a lot of anger, and what a perfect venue to unleash it - against a woman you don't know who's brave enough to share with strangers the challenges of parenting. I guess I feel sorry for him...it's too bad he doesn't quite "get it" yet. It's too bad he can't actually benefit from the advice and experience of the amazing community you have established in the momosphere. It's too bad he has to refer to his daughter as "genetically average." It's too bad he's so angry that he can't see the forest for the trees and understand that every parent is just trying to do his/her best. And as for those screaming episodes - call me when your kids DON'T have them, because that's when I'm really worried. As we often tell parents in therapy and parenting education classes - if you're toddler hasn't had a temper tantrum, your school age child hasn't "gotten into it" with either a peer or teacher, and your adolescent hasn't screamed they hate you, you're probably not setting enough limits. See what you have to look forward to? Disclaimer: This is the therapist in me writing…

I find it interesting that “Bad Ati2d” is reading a blog about parenting written predominantly by women (no offense Mitch). Obviously on some level he’s trying to find connections, and perhaps even some answers, in parenting his own children. I’ve no doubt, given the information he provided about his children, that he’s had his fair share of “public expressions” and endured his fair share of staring – and not just for screaming but for other behaviors exhibited by *both* his children. (It’s not easy to be the sibling of a child with a disability.) I also was keenly aware of how he described his daughter, “genetically average – much to her chagrin.” My guess is this is much to his chagrin. (I’m unaware of many 14-year-olds who evaluate their genetic make-up.) There is a lot of loss associated with having a child with a disability. There’s also a lot of anger, and what a perfect venue to unleash it – against a woman you don’t know who’s brave enough to share with strangers the challenges of parenting.

I guess I feel sorry for him…it’s too bad he doesn’t quite “get it” yet. It’s too bad he can’t actually benefit from the advice and experience of the amazing community you have established in the momosphere. It’s too bad he has to refer to his daughter as “genetically average.” It’s too bad he’s so angry that he can’t see the forest for the trees and understand that every parent is just trying to do his/her best.

And as for those screaming episodes – call me when your kids DON’T have them, because that’s when I’m really worried. As we often tell parents in therapy and parenting education classes – if you’re toddler hasn’t had a temper tantrum, your school age child hasn’t “gotten into it” with either a peer or teacher, and your adolescent hasn’t screamed they hate you, you’re probably not setting enough limits.

See what you have to look forward to?

]]> By: Alison http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88952 Alison Tue, 25 Sep 2007 00:17:14 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88952 It sounds like that guy either 1) doesn't have kids or 2) thinks it's his wife's duty to do handle everything dealing with the children. I hate men like that. I'd hate to be his wife. It sounds like that guy either 1) doesn’t have kids or 2) thinks it’s his wife’s duty to do handle everything dealing with the children. I hate men like that. I’d hate to be his wife.

]]> By: Mocha http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88942 Mocha Mon, 24 Sep 2007 23:23:55 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88942 Giving an awful lot of credit to "public nuisance", isn't he? When kids are crying in public I'm not so disgusted by it that I have my own parental tantrum. But, Christ on a cracker, I <i>can</i> have disgust when that parent is simply parenting poorly because no doubt this is a child I will come into contact with by the time they get to school. And then they'll wonder why I get so upset. Wait. I'm getting off task here. Sounding like a pompous, arrogant dad again, aren't I? Giving an awful lot of credit to “public nuisance”, isn’t he?

When kids are crying in public I’m not so disgusted by it that I have my own parental tantrum. But, Christ on a cracker, I can have disgust when that parent is simply parenting poorly because no doubt this is a child I will come into contact with by the time they get to school.

And then they’ll wonder why I get so upset.

Wait. I’m getting off task here.

Sounding like a pompous, arrogant dad again, aren’t I?

]]> By: Karma http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88939 Karma Mon, 24 Sep 2007 22:51:53 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88939 I spent the weekend with three toddlers as part of a wedding. After six hours of being dressed up, told to "Shhh!" and "Sit still!' and being posed and prodded and wiped for pictures in the hot sun, they all lost it right before the ceremony. You know why? Because they're kids. They haven't developed the attention span or self discipline needed to govern their actions for hours on end. Hell, I'm 27 and I can barely govern my actions for hours on end. I think people who judge other parents for the way kids act in public are either A) Not very well-versed on child development, and B) Insecure about their own parenting and so they attack and belittle whenever they see an opening. I'm not a parent, but I sincerely hope that when I am, I'll spend every waking hour trying to be a good mom and thus won't have any time left for critiquing other peoples' parenting. I spent the weekend with three toddlers as part of a wedding. After six hours of being dressed up, told to “Shhh!” and “Sit still!’ and being posed and prodded and wiped for pictures in the hot sun, they all lost it right before the ceremony. You know why? Because they’re kids. They haven’t developed the attention span or self discipline needed to govern their actions for hours on end. Hell, I’m 27 and I can barely govern my actions for hours on end. I think people who judge other parents for the way kids act in public are either A) Not very well-versed on child development, and B) Insecure about their own parenting and so they attack and belittle whenever they see an opening. I’m not a parent, but I sincerely hope that when I am, I’ll spend every waking hour trying to be a good mom and thus won’t have any time left for critiquing other peoples’ parenting.

]]> By: Jen M http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88932 Jen M Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:12:45 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88932 See, I had to weigh in here, because I don't think it was a man. But if it was, I totally get your reaction. I would have blown him off, too. But he sounds like a woman. A snipey, jealous, bitter woman who needs to get herself laid and stop judging everyone but herself. Whew! See what happens when I don't comment for a while? See, I had to weigh in here, because I don’t think it was a man. But if it was, I totally get your reaction. I would have blown him off, too. But he sounds like a woman. A snipey, jealous, bitter woman who needs to get herself laid and stop judging everyone but herself.

Whew! See what happens when I don’t comment for a while?

]]> By: BetteJo http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88924 BetteJo Mon, 24 Sep 2007 20:22:57 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88924 Are you sure that guy is a parent at all??? I mean - even people who portray their kids and their parenting skills as perfect generally feel a tiny bit of empathy for a parent with a screaming child! Wow. Are you sure that guy is a parent at all??? I mean – even people who portray their kids and their parenting skills as perfect generally feel a tiny bit of empathy for a parent with a screaming child! Wow.

]]> By: Mrs. Chicky http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88907 Mrs. Chicky Mon, 24 Sep 2007 18:21:21 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88907 Where exactly does that guy live? I'd like to bring my kid over there after she's skipped her nap and is in need of a snack. Just for fun. Where exactly does that guy live? I’d like to bring my kid over there after she’s skipped her nap and is in need of a snack. Just for fun.

]]> By: BOSSY http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/comment-page-1/#comment-88906 BOSSY Mon, 24 Sep 2007 18:18:48 +0000 http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/24/the-4cs-conflict-criticism-compassion-and-confidence/#comment-88906 What if Bossy is the one throwing public fits? What then? What if Bossy is the one throwing public fits? What then?

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