It’s not just a women’s issue
The latest social media debacle – this time involving Facebook – is bothersome to me in ways that extend beyond my frustration at the continued public intolerance of breastfeeding, not to mention the glorification of eating disorders.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m disgusted that breastfeeding is portrayed as obscene. I’m sickened that young girls offer helpful hints to each other on pro-anorexia forums. I’m bewildered as to why people find nursing babies objectionable, but skeletal young girls in need of medical attention are glamorous.
But there’s more to this problem than the persecution and devaluation of women.
While I would much rather rely on social pressure to effect change – as opposed to legislation, particularly when the issues in question affect only the individual – I’m wondering how much social pressure we’re really exerting each time these issues arise.
How many people deactivated their Facebook accounts? For those who didn’t deactivate their accounts, did they contact Facebook to express disagreement with the site’s actions/inactions?
What about those airlines that have booted women for breastfeeding? Does anyone make a point not to fly on those airlines?
When actions are taken that we don’t agree with, we need to react. Writing about it is an excellent way to spread the word, but hitting someone in the pocketbook is usually an even more effective means of getting their attention. By all means, write about it, but take away their business too – even in an act as simple and individual as a boycott.
And while women – particularly breastfeeding mothers – are undeniably finding themselves on the defensive again and again, I know there are other subgroups of women (and men) who face similar struggles against supposed social norms. My Facebook profile used to state that I was an atheist. It’s entirely possible that my account might have been deleted at some point simply because my beliefs conflict with the general population and are deemed offensive by many. Being an atheist, it’s highly unlikely I would ever be elected to public office because of that fact.
When anyone – male or female – espouses views or behaves in a way that runs contrary to the norms (perceived or actual), they run the risk of persecution. Simply being a man among men or a woman among women does not inoculate a person against such persecution, nor does being a man among women or a woman among men lead automatically to persecution.
Act according to your convictions. Realize and accept that not everyone will agree with you, but have the courage to act anyway – whether that means deactivating your Facebook account, refusing to fly on a particular airline, or answering honestly when someone asks where you attend church.
September 18th, 2007 at 5:53 am
A good, common-sense solution on a trying issue.
Excellent post!
September 18th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Amen. I need to be better about this.
September 18th, 2007 at 7:05 am
Wow. What an excellent, well reasoned response to a complicated issue. I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I’ve been trying hard lately to do as you say – act according to my convictions.
I don’t get in anyone’s face about my belief systems (yay for Athiests!), but will talk to someone about controversial issues if they ask. And I always try to be respectful of others’ beliefs – if I could only say the same of everyone else respecting mine…
September 18th, 2007 at 7:08 am
…and that’s why I haven’t eaten Dominos pizza for close to 20 years…
But I agree. I would argue that writing about these issues is an important way to take action, but it’s important to walk the walk in addition to talking the talk.
September 18th, 2007 at 7:55 am
As with Mayberry, I have refused to eat Domino’s Pizza for years. And while boycotting is a small, individual step, it could be larger and more powerful if we acted in concert.
So, shall we all leave Facebook?
September 18th, 2007 at 8:55 am
Thanks for the link, J – I’m kinda torn by this one re: Facebook. There’s a protest group within Facebook that Catherine at A Mommy Story mentioned and I joined. It’s always been my style to attempt to engage before walking away, and it’s been my belief that dialogue is critical to progress.
But absolutely talk must be followed by action. I think there’s no doubt about that. Moms have the best issues-based discussions (and you’re a leader on this) than pretty much anyone. People need to listen to you and follow your lead.
I also think the perspectives like these (from my wife) are really valuable. Let’s provide the information and help and develop constructive solutions to problems.
http://womenshealthmatters.blogspot.com/2007/09/pro-anorexia-websites-bad-on-all-counts.html
September 18th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Amen, Julie! That’s why I haven’t shopped at WalMart in 10 years. I put my money where my mouth is. (I also have to answer honestly that I don’t believe in God. You’re right – so many people find that offensive and incomprehensible. But it’s important to be honest about what you believe.)
I posted tangentially about this last night too. I signed the Facebook protest, but who knows if Facebook is listening.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:47 am
oops- it’s Christina, not Catherine, at A Mommy Story.
http://amommystory.blogspot.com/2007/09/ok-facebook-let-me-get-this-straight.html
September 18th, 2007 at 9:48 am
When I deactivated my Facebook account, I gave the reason – specifically, that they deleted accounts with pictures of nursing mothers but left pro-ana accounts intact, and that was not acceptable to me.
Regarding the Facebook protest group, I have difficulty reconciling the use of the offending site as a means of expressing disapproval of its policies and actions. But that’s just me; everyone has a different way of acting. The point is to do what makes sense to you.
David, the points your wife made regarding research of pro-ana sites are worthy of discussion on their own – I’ll have to get to those in a separate post.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Hear hear MGM. We certainly need to back up our talk with action but also our action with talk. When we boycott something we should also take the step of letting the business or whatever know why, like you did with Facebook. You’d be surprised how many people skip that step.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:09 am
Maybe we could start a Facebook analog for breastfeeding atheists? Just kidding.
Great post. I know that I fall off the wagon sometimes (like buying Perdue ovenstuffer roasters) – but I try to speak my mind and act accordingly.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:23 am
Thanks for speaking up.
I don’t have a facebook account, although I’ve been approached.
I have gone on one-woman strikes when something seems wrong to me for years.
Good post.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:33 am
well said.
I hate facebook anyhow.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:56 am
And speak up.
Just like you’ve done here.
Well done.
September 18th, 2007 at 11:35 am
I could not agree more. This is why we do not have cable in our home. NOT because ALL TV is bad, but because most of it is worthless and they won’t let me choose my stations and only pay for what I want.
So? I don’t support them at all.
I have never understood why sustenance is considered vile though – a child eating? I mean, when I look at my kids across the table I don’t get the heebie jeebies. Geez people are so boob-a-phobic.
Nice post. A good deal to chew on.
September 18th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Ha. Yeah, I concur.
They’ve already got 8K people who have signed the petition and they’re not budging. You can always reactivate your account, folks.
So I say if you want to have your voice heard, then just deactivate.
September 18th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Great post…I really admire people who put their money where their mouths are, so to speak. (I too have avoided Dominos & Wal-Mart for years. And church.
September 18th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
I read your comment about who gets to play traffic cop at Its Not a Lecture. There is some interesting thoughts on that here: http://womenshealthnews.wordpress.com/2007/09/15/facebook-deletes-breastfeeding-photos-for-obscenity/
Social pressure should affect change, but the legislation must change. Social pressure needs to be put on those who write the legislature. Facebook probably beleives its “terms of Use” follow the legislature. So we need more language that protects breastfeeding rights that also covers all forms of media.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
[...] http://mothergoosemouse.com/2007/09/18/its-not-just-a-womens-issue/ Reply to this comment Comment by kelly 2007-09-18 20:53:46 [...]
September 19th, 2007 at 5:56 am
Although it is called Facebook and not BoobBook. Kidding! Bossy is kidding! Hear Bossy crack herself up?
September 19th, 2007 at 7:53 am
Amen! Boycotts arehard but damn it feels good to stick to something you feel passionate about.
September 19th, 2007 at 9:14 am
I think we’ve gone far too long as a society complaining to the tv and yet doing nothing beyond perhaps switching the channel or just muting through what we don’t like. We have to speak up, close down accounts, avoid certain stores and hold everyone, ourselves included, accountable.
Great post.
September 19th, 2007 at 10:31 am
Hear Hear!
September 19th, 2007 at 10:32 am
Hurrah! Very good post, Julie. I concur on all accounts.
September 19th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
Deactivating now, thanks for the push. What’s with Dominos? Great post.
September 20th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I’m not on Facebook, but this issue and the response from asshats like Mahr makes me want to exercise my LEGAL RIGHT to breastfeed in public even more than I already do.
September 20th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
[...] I wasn’t going to weigh in on the whole Bill Maher thing* because about a zillion people have done it already…and better than I could ever do. [...]
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:25 pm
I didn’t even realize I had an account! It has been deactivated and I told them why.
September 25th, 2007 at 11:40 am
[...] one of her recent posts, It’s Not Just a Women’s Issue, Julie closed with some strong words that I’ve chewed on a few days. Act according to your [...]
September 25th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
You’re right you’re right you’re right you’re right you’re right!!!!!!!
September 25th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
[...] don’t really use my Facebook account for anything. But now I have a good reason to delete it. Woah. Check out all the backlash they’re facing. Facebook is home to over 350 pro anorexia [...]
September 25th, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Excuse me, breastfeeding is the “norm” contrary to the “Normans” of our society.
What’s next, will they ban photos of a baby calf nursing the mother cows teat? Yes, it is the equivalent being a natural act.
Why mothers are being persecuted for the perversions of today is beyond my comprehension. No, I am not a mother, just a little more logical than the “Normans.”