“Probably most of the women in this room believe all the same things”
That’s a quote from Elizabeth Edwards, made at the BlogHer ‘07 closing keynote address.
She was referring to the subtle differences between her position on certain issues and Hillary Clinton’s position on the same issues, and noting that while they do differ on some points, they generally believe all the same things. And then she made the statement quoted above, which really rankled with me.
We don’t believe all the same things. Even when the parties on our voter registration cards are the same, we all have different life experiences, different priorities for ourselves, different ideas as to how we want to be led – from the PTA to the presidency.
We don’t all have the same information. As Mrs. Edwards rightfully pointed out in her remarks, no single person (or media conglomerate) should be the sieve through which all information flows. But we have to be open to listening to other points of view – not necessarily becoming members of Free Republic or readers of The Village Voice, but talking with others without assuming that we will agree on every point.
I’ve learned so much by being open to others. While living inside the Beltway, I was exposed to politics as a way of life. While living in New York, I became much more aware of GLBTQ issues. While living here in Denver, I’ve observed the prominent role that religion plays in people’s daily lives. Sometimes my views have shifted. And sometimes they have not. But I’m always glad to have more information.
And while some of my views may differ from those of my friends (and not always on the expected topics), it doesn’t stop us from working together, playing together, and sharing our ideas. In fact, our differences often make our conversations that much more illuminating.
Yes, I’m a member of the BlogHer community. And all that you can rightfully assume from that statement is that I’m a woman who blogs. For the rest of the story, you’ll have to dig a little deeper.
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For more thoughts on the BlogHer ‘07 closing keynote, please read my column – “The Parental is Political” – today at the Imperfect Parent.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:20 am
I left you a comment over at the IP.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:34 am
I agree. We might have a vahjayjay in common but this doesn’t make us think alike (speaking hypothetically of course since I am often on your blog nodding my head dumbly with an even less intelligent AMEN flying off my fingers LOL). I know my politics, for example, can be vastly different from most women where I live. My religion? Even more so. My parenting? Oy. Let’s not even go there.
But…I think I know what she meant to say (maybe). I think she meant we have a lot in common at base, for what we need and want.
In that case, yes, it’s true.
But all is too strong, and believe is too ephemeral.
I’ll go to IP, but those big eZine sites always scare me.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Here, here! (or is it Hear, hear?)
It always bothers me when someone assumes my political beliefs are identical to theirs because we agree on *some* points, or because we live in the same city, or we are both women, or whatever…especially when they proceed to lambast issues without even considering that I might disagree.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:18 pm
This is just one reason among may why I adore you and wish that you lived in my pocket.
July 31st, 2007 at 12:39 pm
great post. i totally agree with we all have our own life experiences and priorities for ourselves. for me, it’s those plus how God has wired me. all of these makes me unique – no one else comes close.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Yeah, as one who usually adores Mrs. Edwards… that statement annoys me too. Great response.
July 31st, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Twenty years ago when I thought I was going to single-handedly save the world, everything was black and white. You were either with me or against me. Today, twenty years and a millions of grey hair later, I now see so many shades of grey (maybe it has something to do with the hair).
Your post is spot on about the world as a more interesting place when filled with differing perspectives.
Thanks for yours.
July 31st, 2007 at 2:29 pm
Ooohhhhhhhh
Nicely done.
Although my assumption with that comment was that we all essentially believe that our kids should be healthy, that water should be safe to drink, that education is important…Perhaps where we differ, to your point, is in how to achieve these things.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I agree with Mom101 in how I interpreted her statement.
July 31st, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I can understand your interpretations, but I wonder if such a statement would have been interpreted in the same way if the speaker had conservative leanings.
July 31st, 2007 at 4:58 pm
MGM, you’re spot-on. We don’t all believe the same things, and THANK GOD. The world IS such a more interesting place because of that.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Greetings Mothergoosemouse,
Though I wasn’t at BlogHer this year, I can say with all certainty that if it was Elizabeth Dole making the very same remark, keeping in mind that she began her statement with “probably”, I would have understood Ms. Dole to be referring to her basic beliefs as a mother, woman and American citizen.
Now, if Ann Coulter had said this, I would have thrown a pie in her face hollering, “I don’t think so.”
Otherwise, in such situations with reasonable, thoughtful people such as Elizabeth Dole and Elizabeth Edwards, I would embrace any commentary from them that brings us together not as liberals or conservatives, but as Americans.
July 31st, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Thank you, Grace. I can say I would do the same to Ann Coulter myself.
You were greatly missed at BlogHer this year. I wish you peace and comfort.
July 31st, 2007 at 9:34 pm
You make excellent points, J. As always. And I can’t say enough about how much I wish I could’ve attended this year’s BlogHer. ‘cuz, dude, are we ever gonna meet??
July 31st, 2007 at 10:22 pm
New to your blog . . .
This reminds me of the time when Texas was voting on whether to legalize gay marriage. I was standing in line to vote and was shocked to see a woman asking voters (on her way out of the building), “Are you a Christian? Then you know how to vote on gay marriage.”
I was furious. I am a Christian and I married the preacher’s son but, more than that, I am an intelligent, independent woman who doesn’t need a church or a political party and most certainly not someone who claims to be an upstanding Christian telling me how to vote.
I know what Elizabeth Edwards was trying to communicate and I admire her for trying to get her point across.
But I know lots of women who think very, very differently than I do and who want to see very different outcomes as a result of our next presidential election.
And that’s what makes the world go ’round, after all.
July 31st, 2007 at 10:29 pm
“I’ll go to IP, but those big eZine sites always scare me.”
Ha, we’re a big ezine site now? Someone forgot to tell my checking account.
Come on over Julie P., we won’t bite — we’re actually an independent mom & pop operation (although given that my day job is a freelance web developer it may give off the appearance otherwise).
August 1st, 2007 at 6:55 am
Well said, Julie.
And though I didn’t interpret that comment the same way you did I do believe you summed up the beauty of Blogher this year – respectful disagreement and the sharing of differing opinions.
August 1st, 2007 at 8:58 am
I loved this post enough to de-lurk!
This is very timely, as I was just thinking about how my mother-in-law always brings up politics and talks about issues as if my husband and I agree with her. We respectfully disagree and have some very interesting conversations, in which I try to point out a view that she doesn’t get where she lives.
I live in the DC area, and she lives in a very southern, country area. In her area, everyone thinks the same way she does, and she always seems surprised when my husband and I voice different beliefs and give our reasons for our different beliefs. We also get to hear her reasons and ideas, based on her experience. Which is good for everyone.
But this is a major reason I do not want to raise my children in the area where my husband’s family lives. It’s not that we have different opinions, but it’s that people there assume you have the same opinions as they do. And you know what they say about assuming…
Thanks for an interesting and thoughtful post on something I’ve been working through in my head.
August 1st, 2007 at 9:31 am
just read your column. I agree that she pretty much flubbed the question on the blogs she reads – you were kinda frustrated with that, as I recall.
I for one would love to know why all the candidates didn’t have someone at BlogHer. I think it was a huge mistake on their part.
August 1st, 2007 at 10:58 am
perfect.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:00 pm
David makes a great point — it would have been great to hear from some other candidates too.
August 1st, 2007 at 12:01 pm
…which is not to say that you didn’t make some great points yourself…I thank you for helping me keep my mind and ears open.
August 1st, 2007 at 2:34 pm
GraceD basically said what I was afraid to. I wasn’t at BlogHer, but I assumed that Elizabeth Edwards was really just trying to say that we all want equal access to the same things: education, safety, health care, accountability in our leaders, a voice in our fate and the ability to express that opinion without being accused to hating America. How we pursue those goals is what divides us as political parties and as individuals. I would have assumed all of these things if the speaker had also been from a different political party. Except for Ann Coulter. A pie in the face is too kind. I think a big bucket of water would produce the best result. Look what it did to the Wicked Witch of the West. Still loving you, MGM!
August 1st, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Sorry. Accused OF hating America. I got a little excited.
August 2nd, 2007 at 10:52 am
What an excellent post to read for my first visit here! I cannot say enough how much I agree with you. Common starting places do not guarantee that we’re going to end up in the same place; likewise, just because we draw the same conclusions does not mean that our journeys have been shaped by the same forces.
I’m also in Colorado, a little to the North of you.
August 2nd, 2007 at 11:55 am
“Yes, I’m a member of the BlogHer community. And all that you can rightfully assume from that statement is that I’m a woman who blogs. For the rest of the story, you’ll have to dig a little deeper.”
PERFECT! I wish I had said it myself. I wish I could hug you right now for that uber-perfect statement!
Now, the whole comment she made about Texas still bugs the snot out of me. Little Dixie Chicks moment there?! Ugh!
August 2nd, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Great post! You have a knack for calling a spade a spade and doing it very well. Assumptions are dangerous animals. They come back to bite at the worst possible times.
August 2nd, 2007 at 3:43 pm
I had a teacher once whom I generally could not stand. To this day, there are only a few things I remember from her class as ‘important’ and one of them is this: we were debating [read loosely, we were in middle school..] and somebody said “most people blah blah blah blah blah” and she said “Now hold on a minute—don’t include ME in your MOST.”
I don’t doubt that as a woman I have a lot in common with the beliefs and needs of other women, but I’m also my own person and I’m growing and learning every day in different ways than you, or any other person who’s commented on your blog.
But I definitely hate being included in someone’s “most”.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:05 am
Oh, hearing that statement would have made me laugh out loud! I can assure you that I’m almost never in agreement with a group of women. I always have something that makes me somewhat different, if not totally.
Being as active as I am in the adoption community, I can assure you that even under the umbrella of the subject of adoption, women can vehemently disagree on that topic… and they’re all over the blogosphere, writing about it (which is what we should strive for; voicing discontent and striving for understanding while still allowing room for disagreement!).
Anyway, I’m rambling. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. Just spurred thoughts on future posts…