Victoria’s secret is that she hates bras too
I hate bras.
I’ve always hated them. I finally succumbed to peer pressure in fifth grade and started wearing one, even though I had very little to put INTO it.
It itched. The straps got twisted. Boys snapped it. It shifted around when I played kickball. The straps fell off my shoulders.
Eventually I got used to wearing one. And while I always remember to wear one (unlike my old friend Jamie when we were in summer school gym together – we’d walk out to the track to run laps and she’d realize that she forgot to put on her bra, so she’d run the laps with her arms crossed over her chest), to this day I can’t find one that meets my (albeit high) expectations.
So what are those expectations?
I’d like to find a bra that has straps that don’t slip off my shoulders, that hides the headlights, that has a smooth silhouette under a tee shirt, that provides enough coverage to contain the flesh, and that doesn’t shift out of position when I bend over.
I’d like to wash a bra in the washer (with the hooks and eyes fastened, of course) and then reshape it and hang it to dry without one or more of the following happening in the first six months of ownership: underwire worming its way out the side and poking me; fraying of the end with the eyes; and the cups becoming completely un-reshape-able.
I don’t want a bra with water or chicken cutlets in it. Nothing consumable belongs in my bra unless I’ve got mastitis. And I highly doubt that’s going to happen.
I don’t want to wear one of those 18-hour bras that contains so much material that it looks like a corset, but I don’t need a particularly fashionable bra either. Prints, lace, and other adornments are wasted on a woman approaching her tenth wedding anniversary and whose kids enjoy trying on her undergarments.
It doesn’t seem to matter if I buy a bra at a department store, a lingerie shop, or at Target – no matter how much I spend, they all seem to bite the dust after less than a year. I fail to see the point in spending three times as much at a lingerie shop when a similar bra from Target performs just as well (or just as poorly, to be more accurate). And abstinence is really not an option. They don’t have to be double-Ds to look hideous without support.
I know there’s got to be a woman out there someone who knows where I can find a bra that meets my (albeit high) expectations. Please help me – I really don’t want to resort to this (although the price IS right):
As seen in the Sunday paper coupons – THE source for haute couture
——————————
Firefox and Safari users, I hope you can now see my banner! It’s been there all along, but I didn’t know why it wasn’t showing up until Amy from Masthead Factory offered to help unscramble the problem. Not only is she a geeeeeeenius, but her mastheads are really cool! I especially love the abstract and modern ones, but she can custom design them too. And since she fixed mine so easily, you know she will make them look fabulous in all browsers.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:11 am
oh.. just get a breast lift and implants, and then you won’t need anything to hold them up. They will unnaturally be perky all the time. Then you’ll just have to invest in a few pasties to cover up the headlights, and you’re good to go!
June 26th, 2007 at 11:19 am
AMEN sister! I HATE bras.
In college while working as a drive thru bank teller, my bra was itching and moving around on me. I was trying to put it back into place without grabbing my boobs. A customer saw me and thought I was dancing!
Nice to know I’m in good company.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:23 am
I actually do have one from VS that might meet your criteria. IPA? Something like that.
I bought 3 and then the salesperson tried to interest me in some kind of frequent-buyer program. As IF I would be back there anytime soon–buying bras is like an every-4-years kind of deal.
June 26th, 2007 at 11:33 am
first, i think mayberry is talking about IPEX. i’ve never tried that, but Secret Embrace (also at VS) has been really great for me. very smooth silhouette, good reshaping after washing, comfy and functional.
but if you hate it, please don’t hate me…
June 26th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Have you ever had a bra fitting? Nordstrom does a great job but also if you have a Lady Grace, I’ve been pleased with them too! I get my bras at Lane Bryant. I know it’s a plus size store but their bras start at a 36C – not sure what size you are… They have some nice cotton underwire ones that I wash in the machine and hang dry and they last quite a long time, are very comfortable and look great under a t-shirt.
June 26th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
I used to be an Olga girl, until I moved away from their outlet and refused to pay non-outlet prices. Now, I go for the Hanes All cotton underwires ala Target. Comfy, not too expensive so I don’t weep when they bite the big one, and they keep the girls in the correct position. ALSO no lace, prints or other shit.
I’m a real sex magnet.
June 26th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Don’t go writing posts about bras unless you’re going to show us a picture of yours.
June 26th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Dude, you’ll see a picture of my bra when I see a picture of your crotch gnomes.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I’m currently in a 38C bra, the smallest I’ve been since the breast reduction extravaganza of 1994. For the first time ever I went and got a bra fitting at Macy’s and had the woman direct me to the bras that won’t poke me in the arm pits.
I am now smitten with this one. It stays where it should, it covers everything, and it doesn’t poke me! They aren’t cheap, though, I spent $80 the last time I bought 3 of them.
For the record, I’ve always hated Victoria’s Secret. I think the secret is that if you actually have breasts, they don’t sell anything that you can use.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
I have no advice for you because I am constantly battling my bra. I hate bras with a passion.
And Yeah!!! Your header is finally there!! Looks great!
June 26th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
You’re on bizatch.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
eagerly awaiting the comments as I’ve had this same issue. I even followed advice of several PIMs and went to Nordstrom for a fitting. I bought 3, but have been tugging and adjusting and opting not to wear them ever since. I came to the conclusion that maybe they aren’t the place to go when you have a small pair?
christina
June 26th, 2007 at 9:31 pm
Hi, I’m a firefox user and still can’t see your header. Looking forward to it, though!
June 27th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I am the bra queen. Department stores all the way. If they fall off your shoulders they’re not fitting right. If they fall apart in a year you’re washing them with Ajax. Try that Forever Now lingerie wash stuff.
June 27th, 2007 at 9:13 am
I don’t mind bras, but I’m with Amy, I hate VS.
The quality is poor, the styles are not that appeling, and most of them not sexy at all. Their secret is genius advertising, putting their horrible underwear on hot models, so underwear almost looks hot too.
My favorite bra brand is Gossard.
June 27th, 2007 at 9:30 am
I second the Victorias Secret motion. They are expensive but worth it. When you think about how often you have those suckers on, it’s easy to justify the cost.
I can’t remember the brand I have, but if you go there, be prepared to be overwhelmed and just tell the sales lady with the measuring tape around her neck exactly what you want.
June 27th, 2007 at 11:13 am
I’m with Divrchick, try Cacique at Lane Bryant. I don’t wear plus sizes myself (yet) but I find this one is the most comfortable I’ve ever worn. Also, they usually have a buy one, get one half off deal going on (like right now), and they’re not very expensive to begin with.
(I, too, have given up on Victoria.)
June 27th, 2007 at 11:38 am
LB’s band sizes are too big for me…
June 27th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Wow, I just noticed the sizes on the website – I was able to get 34D in the store, wonder why they start at 36 on the site?
June 27th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Why, oh why, can you never find “cute” bras in anything larger than 34B in colors other than white, beige, or black?
Big boobie women have needs too!
http://TastesLikeCrazy.blogspot.com
June 27th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
I hate bras too and am envious of those woman who can wear the cute, sexy, little VS bras. Can only suggest Le Mystere Tisha bra (Oprah’s favorite), but it’s not without flaws.
As a Firefox user I can finally see your banner!
June 27th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Trust me on this one–I know that they don’t have to be DDs to look atrocious–but DDs are pretty darn gross. But I agree-bras suck! My problem is that my DDs are just a little bit bigger so I have boob spillage…or in other words-my cup runneth over! Not a pretty sight. Luckily I have a 5 month old that needs to be carried and conveniently covers the excess–that she put there I might add.
June 27th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
I love my bras, but only because I go to that store Oprah says to go to and give them ALL MY MONEY. It is totally worth it though.
Changed. My. Life.
June 27th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Funny thing is, I love wearing a bra. Creepy, I know.
And, yes! I can see the banner now!
June 28th, 2007 at 5:06 am
I can NEVER find a bra that fits. I always end up falling out completely or with the quadruple boob effect.
June 28th, 2007 at 8:34 am
I don’t like them one bit. And I read all your comments looking for a good tip. Thanks for asking the question.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:32 am
Chicken cutlets? Bras come with chicken cutlets? What rock have I been living under?
I can’t find bras. I go to Macy’s or someplace like that, and try on every one in the place and they never fit. Argh.
And, yes, now I can see your banner! I wish there was a glass of wine in there.
June 28th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Walmart. Yeah I know they’re the big evil. But bra shopping isn’t exactly what I have time for when I’m toting two screaming toddlers around. I found these great ones there that have no underwire and look really nice. They’re all cotton and hold everything in place. They even have a bit of ribbon to girl things up a bit – as if bras reallly NEED to be girly considering what they’re covering.
I tried some bras on at VS and honestly, unless you’re a size A all of the bras are huge! It looked as if I was wearing a halter top.
June 28th, 2007 at 10:04 am
I HATE bras too. As soon as I can I take mine off. Although I *need* the underwire support, my favourite bras are sports bras. Not expensive ones either, I think I paid about 9 bucks for two pairs at Wal Mart.
June 28th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Julie, remind me and I’ll show you the best bra evah next month.
Hmm, now that sounds weird. Come to Chicago and see my boobs!
Only kidding. I think. Seriously, I was fitted in a shop that ONLY sells bras, run by little old European women wearing all black clothing and big hornrimmed glasses. She christened my right breast my “bad girl”, as it’s harder to fit, but showed me a ton of tricks to make things line up correctly. I puffy heart my new bras, which are attractive and not at all German Matronly.
Just my two cents.
June 28th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I have very little to put into a bra and just bought a bunch of them at Target for, like $12 each. Anything more than that and I’m not interested. There is only so much you can ‘enhance’ on a 36A!
June 28th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
I have been professionally fitted three times and own about 20 bras. NONE are what I would describe as comfortable. hmpf.
June 29th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
The last time I went bra shopping, I happened to go when a big sale was occurring. Unfortunately, the only ones left in my size were purple. So, I bought them, just happy to find some, right? For the next year, my every wardrobe choice was influenced by the fact that I had only purple bras. Instead of just going and getting a white one and saying screw it, I would hunt for the lined dress or the black t-shirt. I hate to shop.
I hate even more to shop at this place in Austin called Pettycoat Fair, where a bra fitting is a cross between shopping and an assault. But when you leave there, you are fitted, dammit. The first time I went there, I found out I’d been wearing the wrong size for, oh, ever. So I bought the right size and then all of my other bras seemed hopelessly uncomfortable. I had to get rid of them.
Going to PF is not for the faint of heart, though. Now, I usually get a shopping committee to go with me and we usually have drinks first. If you’re ever in Austin…
June 29th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
You know, I’ve seen the sales reps at VS conduct bra fittings (even got one myself, just out of curiosity), and I have to say they never seemed like they knew what they were doing. For one, they would measure over whatever a woman happened to be wearing, so they could do the fittings quickly, out on the sales floor– not the best way to get an accurate measurement for something that’s supposed to fit smooth and snug under your clothes. And I never once saw them make any attempt to insure that they were keeping the measuring tape level around the chest.
It made me mad that these salesladies were encouraging women to think the bras they were about to buy would fit right, when in fact their sloppy measuring techniques would lead most of their customers to buy bras that were too big.
That being said, I am very pleased with my VS Secret Embrace– comfy, shapely, and the girls stay put.
June 30th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
My current fav is a Bali bra, similar to the link above, but called Seductive Curves. If you order from onehanesplace.com you can find them at decent prices, but I’ve also found them on ebay (new) for half of that.
April 20th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
[...] hatred of bra shopping is well documented. Fortunately, the comments on that post are full of great ideas, including [...]