I’d love for my child to play at your house, but…
…one quick question: Any loaded firearms?
How do you ask that question? Especially in a town where the strip malls have shops called “Guns and Ammo”?
I’m not anti-gun. My maternal grandfather was a hunter, and my grandparents’ basement contained many rifles, along with a few pistols. I have no idea if any of them were loaded; I steered clear of them. My grandfather taught me to shoot a BB gun in the backyard. He took my mother to the city dump to shoot rats when she was in high school – and my mother is most certainly not the rat-shooting type. I have no idea if my parents kept a firearm, loaded or otherwise, in our house.
In ROTC, one of my fellow cadets carried a Bowie knife on his belt. He also had a loaded handgun always within reach in his apartment. Each time he answered the door, he had the gun in hand. Granted, he didn’t live in the greatest neighborhood, but I always thought he was taking self-defense a bit too far.
I’ve made it clear that I don’t want a weapon in our house, and Kyle has acquiesced. And while I’m not anti-gun, I don’t think I’d be comfortable with my children playing in a home where there’s a loaded gun – safety lock engaged or not. Or even a unloaded gun with ammo nearby. Even if it’s not my child or her friend that discovers the weapon, it could be a sibling or a sibling’s friend. I just don’t see the point in taking such a chance.
(Which brings me to another topic entirely – while my ROTC friend was quite possibly paranoid, if the point of a gun is self-defense, then it makes sense to have it at the ready. If it’s stored unloaded in a locked safe, with ammunition stored separately, then I fail to see what use it will be in the event of an intruder or other scenario that would merit using a gun in self-defense. Hence, keeping a firearm for self-defense purposes fails both my safety test and my logic test.)
But how to ask such a question in a manner that doesn’t imply negative assumptions of the family issuing the invitation? That is, sending the message that if in fact they DO keep a loaded firearm in their home, that their safety (and logic) standards aren’t adequate. Apart from a political and/or philosophical disagreement, there’s an implicit judgment of them as parents – parents who don’t do enough to keep their child – or your child – safe.
Obviously, you can turn it around – “I’m not comfortable with loaded firearms” – but then what? Either your child’s friendship is doomed from the start, or you can offer to have the child play at your house only. At first glance, the second option seems viable, but the one-sided nature of such a friendship would start to wear on me.
And we’ve begun to educate Tacy about the dangers of weapons, tools, and matches – emphasizing that they are not inherently bad, but certainly dangerous in the hands of children. We’ll continue to remind her that none of these items are for her – or her friends – to touch.
Even so, it comes back to avoiding the situation entirely by asking the question upfront. While I believe it’s a question that should be asked, I still struggle with how to do so.
[To clarify: I have only recently thought about the question itself. I have not asked it and gotten an unsatisfactory answer and still allowed my daughter to play at that person's house. Nor have I consciously avoided asking it.
If any readers have actually ASKED the question before, I'd be interested to hear about the ensuing exchanges.]
June 12th, 2007 at 6:02 am
I haven’t got any good answers. I have my head in the sand for now since my kids only go to homes I know well and often I am with them. They are so little, yet. But as they get older…well, I’ll have to deal with it. Hopefully I will know how to, by then.
June 12th, 2007 at 6:10 am
You know, this is something that I have even contemplated yet. Scary thought actually.
In Canada guns to not seems to be as prevalent as in the US. We tend to shy away from having loaded weapons hanging around. Hunting rifles and ammo are stored in locked cabinets… come to think of it… I only know twp people that have guns – not one that owns a hand gun.
Had I lived in an area (or even the US) I think this would be far mre of an issue for me… and very very scary issue that I have no idea haw to broach in a conversation with a friend’s parent.
I’m interested to see the comments!
June 12th, 2007 at 6:41 am
Joe is a police officer. When I was pregnant with Maggie, we “discussed” what he would be doing with his weapon now that there will be a child in the house. I had suggested that he keep his gun at work. He insisted that he is a police officer 24/7 and needs his weapon close at hand. I kind of understand his thinking.
His gun is kept in it’s holster, on the gun belt, with a trigger lock, in a large cardboard box, on the tippy-tippy-top shelf of the closet in our bedroom, the one with the doors that stick & you need to know the “secret kick/twist/pull”
in order to get it to open.
June 12th, 2007 at 8:49 am
I know this is a serious issue, but YOUR mother? Shooting RATS?!
Like Julie P., I have basically avoided this up until now, but it’s going to become relevant very soon. Given my tendency to avoid confrontation and difficult conversations… I’m going to need to grow a spine.
June 12th, 2007 at 9:25 am
I got my marksman status with the NRA when I was nine… but I’m rather anti-gun now. Many people in my family hunt and own guns, so I usually just keep my mouth shut. I don’t know how I’ll deal with it when Ben is older and goes for vacations at his cousins’ houses.
When we were interviewing/shopping around for a new daycare for Ben a month ago, I didn’t even think to ask the home daycare providers the gun question. Turns out, the lady that we chose is married to someone who goes to the firing range every weekend for fun. The guns are locked up, but it still made me feel like an idiot for forgetting to ask in the first place.
June 12th, 2007 at 9:39 am
I grew up in a house with a strict NO GUNS policy- we were scolded for even playing with water guns. Now, my husband is an avid hunter, former Army Officer, and collects guns-some have very personal memories of his ancestors. It was a real struggle for me. We do host alot of playdates at our house and have two young children. What we do is keep the hunting and collector guns unloaded, with all ammo in a locked gun safe with a three step safety mechanism. The guns are all kept in locked bags. My husband carries a handgun (per Texas law) and keeps it in a locked cabinet beside our bed, with the ammo out, but still available. This doesn’t make me feel 100% safe. But, we are working to instill in our daughters and their playmates that guns are NEVER to be played with. We anticipate that our girls will both learn to shoot and hunt with their father as they age. This is not an atypical way to raise children in our region, and closely mirrors how my husband and his sister were raised around firearms. I take every opportunity to tell my eldest that guns are not toys. She is only 3, so she doesn’t know that we have guns, or where they are kept, but she needs to be raised with a healthy fear of guns. I fully understand that other parents may not want their children at our house b/c of the guns, so we always inform them of our safety measures when the invite is extended. To date, noone has voiced any concerns. We also forbid any kids to play in the areas where guns and/or ammo is kept. In Texas it is not uncommon for homes to have guns inside. We are normal soccer-mom, minivan driving people. I would want other parents to say, “I just don’t feel comfortable with my child(ren) playing in your house b/c you have guns.” I would appreciate the honesty. Maybe your friend will share with you their sfaety procedures and you will feel better about it. In the same manner, I would not let my children play in a house I viewed as a danger. In this instance, I think honesty is the best policy. You need to advocate for your child and do whatever you think is right and important to maintaining a safe atmosphere for her.
June 12th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
oh, if you figure out the answer to this one please let me know. I have struggled with this, particularly after my husband discovered we were basically the only home in our neighborhood without guns (after hurricane katrina, he was the only one who had to borrow a gun for his neighborhood protection patrol duty!)
June 12th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
This is a tough one for me. I’ve been very anti-guns for decades. My experience as a criminal defense attorney makes me especially hesitant as I’ve seen what damage they can cause – especially in the hands of someone who is drunk or on meth (though I have many, many stabbing cases as well). For better or worse, I married a gun enthusiast and now have a community property interest in an AK-47, several machine guns, and a small arsenal of other weapons – all are legal and all but two of which are unloaded and locked in a safe in my mother-in-law’s secret closet. All were gifts to my husband from his late father. I’m happy that they’re not in my house now but if something were to happen to my mother-in-law I think they would be moved (albeit in the safe and unloaded).
Our other two guns are at our vacation property – it’s in the middle of nowhere, down 8 miles of dirt road after about 14 turns. The reality is that calling 911 in the event that a drunk and dangerous hunter shows up will not do any good as it would take officers 2 hours by car and over 1/2 hour by helicopter to get to us. We also have mountain lions, coyotes and snakes — none of which have been a problem so far, but just as we have an epipen there just in case, we have a shotgun and a pistol as well. Both of which are locked in a safe that can only be accessed by our fingerprints. I wish there was another solution, but I don’t see it.
I hope that when the girls are older that their friends will join us at our vacation property. Their parents will not need to ask if we have guns because I will tell them at the same time that we extend the invitation. I hope that their parents know that I will not do anything to endanger my children or their children and that every reasonable precaution is taken.
It’s a tough one and I definitely see both sides.
June 12th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
This is not about a family with sugary snacks or too much TV on. This is about GUNS. Which kill people. (Regardless of how NRA types would like to spin that statement.
Easy for me to say since I haven’t been in this situation yet, but I’d be willing to lose that friendship if they took offense to to the question. Certainly as parents themselves they understand you’re simply looking out for the safety of your kids. If not… F ‘em. Your comfort about your own child’s wellbeing comes first.
June 12th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Funny I was just talking about this.
June 12th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Wow, tough topic.
I have to agree with Liz, if you can’t ask the question without fear of judgment that’s probably not the family you want your kid hanging out with. I can definitely wait to be in this situation but I won’t be able to avoid it forever.
June 12th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Because I have a VERY inpulsive child, I’ve asked this question for years. My kid doesn’t go into houses that have guns. He couldn’t be trusted. It’s not the other family per se, it’s my kid and his ADHD impulsivity that I worry about.
The interesting thing is, I’ve have people tell me that they do indeed have a gun in the house, and it’s always the people you least expect that do. Or at least in our community.
June 13th, 2007 at 3:00 am
This is such an interesting question. But it just gave me an anxiety attack. I live in brooklyn and so obvs. people don’t have guns for hunting. My kids are 9 &13 and in all the years they’ve been to other kids houses It’s never crossed my mind to think that there might be guns there because the all their friends parents *seem* more or less like us, so since we don’t have guns and no one I’m friends with has one (as far as I know) I’ve always just assumed that no one my kids played with has them either. I think I’ve made a faulty assumption is based on the fact that in brooklyn, liberal artsy type people don’t have guns. But anyone could have one. But I think it would be a big secret if they did, and it would be like asking “by the way, are you guys into any kind of bondage ’cause i don’t want my kids to come across your gear?” In other words, I think if anyone has one they’d be more likely to tell me that they are into bondage! Maybe it’s an easier question to ask if you live somewhere where people hunt–it’s more natural. But now I feel paranoid. Because if my kids came across a gun, they would be completely fascinated. I’m going to bring this question up to my friends at my son’s little league game on Saturday and see if it’s ever crossed their mind. One cheerful thing I have to say is that I read in freakanomics that kids are more likely to have an accident in a swimming pool—and at least in brooklyn no one has a swimming pool—a small measure of comfort.
June 13th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Your kids 100 times more likely to drown in your neighbors pool, 20 times more likely be molested by someone you know or 500 times more likely injured on their bike than be harmed by your home defense weapon.
If your counting on the police to protect you and your family you are a fooling yourself to think you’re safe. They’ll probably catch the meth/crack head but you’ll still be dead.
Abolutely everyone we know in New Orleans now has a firearm in their home for protection, especailly the liberals who had to borrow one after Katrina.
The best way to elminate curosity and teach children that firearms are not toys is to teach them to shoot an age appropriate weapon.
June 13th, 2007 at 11:17 am
“my husband carries a handgun (per Texas law).”
Makes it sound like Texas law requires you to carry one. I would never ever have a gun in my house with kids around. Ever. Period. I don’t think of it as a “home defense weapon.” It’s something that’s can hurt and kill and hurt people. I have a hard enough time teaching my kid not to touch sharp knives, let along “how to shoot an age-appropriate weapon.”
Luckily I live in Canada where my chances of ever being in any danger in my home are substantially less….thanks to our gun control laws and the fact that there are fewer crazies out there roaming around with guns.
June 13th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
No kids, so probably not so much welcome here, but I am absolutely not comfortable myself being in a house where there is a gun. Accidents are just that….accidents. I’d rather not have my face blown off because of a slip up. So would I let my kids play somewhere with guns? Nope. Do we have lots of sharp knives in the house? Yep.
Would I demand a higher degree of security for them if we had kid(s)? Oh yes. Would I expect my husband to get rid of them? No – but I would expect that he teach safe knife handling. The thing about knives they aren’t going to just “go off in your hand’ the way so many gun stories end.
June 13th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
dear moderator: PLEASE POST THIS VERSION–THE RELEVANT QUOTE WAS LEFT OUT when I “cut and pasted”! thanks.
>
that made me smile. we are an exceedingly liberal-artsy couple living in brooklyn and my husband has a handgun. i fully support this. his brothers were raised with knowledge of and respect for their family’s guns, and i would of course do the same with our family.
I have informed visitors of additional possible dangers when they bring their kids–including wildlife (i often work with injured animals) and boiling-hot radiators, which many kids are unfamiliar with, as well as several other things that are good at causing injury or worse. Our friends do know we have a firearm. However, i am judicious in my announcements of all such dangers–I will not mention the guns to a new friend who has a baby, much the same way I will not mention the handcuffs. Certain things are not relevant until the acquaintance becomes a friend (vs a one-time visitor) and/or the baby becomes (or is) a toddler. But I would at that time mention the animals, in case of a possible immediate allergy. And so on.
I am not opposed to having guns for recreational purposes, nor am i opposed to having them for reasons of self-defense, which, interestingly, was more of an issue when we lived in the quaint connecticut suburbs than in manhattan and brooklyn.
i am fully aware that people use guns to kill people, as is true of knives, ropes, hammers, Drano, and the like. as ani difranco says, “every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.”
therefore, i don’t really feel that black-and-white reactions (no guns in the house! no matches in the drawer!) keep us safe. i have seen parents tell children “don’t hit” only to have the child bite instead. so if you choose not to have guns you still, at the very least should feel comfortable with the fact that it is your right to ask other parents about what’s in THEIR households. You can say it with that in mind: “Jenny looks forward to visiting. I wanted you to know that she is very inquisitive and I wouldn’t want you to find that out the hard way. One thing I ask all the parents of her new friends is ‘Do you have any firearms/swimming pools/porn/[insert your concern here]?’”
in terms of dangers, *my* biggest concern is my children being driven by a friend or relative, since there are so many bad drivers and accidental moments of looking away from the road. how about THAT question when they visit a friend out of the city? hi, my child can visit but please no driving.
definitely, i understand the fear that guns cause parents to feel, and certainly my post was not meant to downplay any of that.
i think this topic is great because there are so many dangers, and it is important as parents to assess them all, and feel comfortable talking about them with friends and other parents. certainly i will work to teach my children how to be safe in a variety of situations, and i would never take offense at the questions of a visitor.
and lastly, i am VERY interested to read what the Brooklyn Little League parents say.
respectfully,
joe
June 13th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
Wow, mothergoosemouse, you’ve opened up a hot topic. It’s been fascinating reading the responses from all over.
June 13th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Yikes. Makes me very glad I live in Australia. We have very strict gun control laws. I do not know ANYONE who owns a gun. Semi automatic and automatic weapons are illegal. I would not let my child play at someone’s house where there was a loaded gun. I would think twice if there was any gun at all there, loaded or not, and probably not let them play with that person either.
June 13th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Hey Joe
You’re not the dad of a friend of either of my kids are you? I’m going to suggest that my kid’s school put a little gun icon next to the gun toting families so we can just get it out into the open! But I will report the brooklyn little league mom’s (and dad’s) take after the game–But I really don’t think guns are the same as other risks. You have to drive to get places, just to lead a life in this world, and so you have to let your kids in other people’s cars. I have to let my 13-year-old take the subway. But you don’t need guns to get along in this world–especially just to have one around on the highly unlikely chance that there is an intruder in your house. So there may be things that cause more fatalities, but the I’m going to come down on the side of the fact that the purpose of guns are to KILL whereas the the rest of the things have other purposes.
June 13th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
This is a great question.. My other fear is my child can go to your house, but who will be watching them?! Not an older sibling.. etc..
Great blog!!
June 13th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
since we moved from TX, the thought of asking hadn’t occurred to me, but I am going to start asking. I’d probably preface it with “can I ask you a personal question?” or “Can I ask a weird question?” Even though it’s not weird, qualifying it may put people more at ease, and make them less defensive.
June 13th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Hi Mothergoosemouse, I am de-lurking to comment on this very scary scenario.
Like one of your other posts, I also live in Sydney, Australia.
It is true, Automatic firearms have been banned in this country for decades and for all intents and purposes do not exist in civilian hands. Semi automatic weapons are also illegal here and have been for nearly 12 years.
In fact the Australian government was so concerned about the possibility that gun ownership legal or illegal, could lead to deliberate or accidential death they launched a gun buy back scheme, basically you could hand in any type of gun to your local police station for a generous payment on the spot. Two-thirds of a million semi-automatic and pump-action rifles and shotguns were sold to the government. Thousands more gun owners volunteered their firearms for free, and nearly 700,000 guns were destroyed.
This lead to an amazing decline in gun deaths.
For example in 1995 (granted 10 years ago, but 2 years after the buyback scheme) we had a population here in Australia of 18.1 million, during that year we had only 479 gun deaths, of those deaths 374 were suicide, and 105 were homicide.
In 2001 we had only 333 gun deaths and a population of 19.3 million.
Suicide deaths using firearms have more than halved over the last ten years, from 389 deaths in 1995, to 147 deaths in 2005 (population 20.3 million).
When I told my American friend this, she said ‘Oh, did other crimes increase because firarms deaths decreased?’, she was suprised to hear that all violent crime in Australia has decreased since
firearm laws were tightened. (Honestly true!).
People who belong to professional shooting associations, farmers, security personnel and hunters still have access to a limited range of firearms and ammunition, but stringent limitations to the ownership of firearms, primarily minimum age restrictions and satisfactory fitness and reason for ownership of firearms apply. (Think eight week process).
There is no possible way that any Australian could ever justify owning an AK-47!
The Australian rate of gun death per 100,000 population remains one-fifth that of the United States.
In Canada, where new gun laws were introduced in 1991 and 1995, the number of gun deaths has reached a 30-year low.
Two years ago in the United Kingdom, civilian handguns were banned, bought back from their owners and destroyed. In the year following the law change, Scotland recorded a 17% drop in all firearm-related offences. The British Home Office reports that in the nine months following the handgun ban, firearm-related offences in England and Wales dropped by 13%.
A British citizen is still 50 times less likely to be a victim of gun homicide than an American.
Now I know you are probably thinking why is this smug sharing these government endorsed statistics with me, well I guess when I think about all the things in my day that I need to worry about, if Ella ate, slept, learned, played, laughed etc, I am pleased to say that I never ever ever give my childs access to firearms a thought.
I actually worry more about dog bites as well as a travel accidents than anything else.
I really feel for you that you and your readers have to worry about such a complex and sensitive issue.
It seems really strange to say that I do not know anyone in Australia that owns a gun.
I feel certain that my post will upset on incite many of your readers as my world seems foreign and almost fantasy like.
One last thing, to DD in regards to your post, I also read (I can’t remember where, but I will dig out the article if anyone requests it) that there is a 50% chance that your firearm will be used against you during the moment where you think it will protect you, in addition I also heard that many home robberies and invasions take place purely to acquire guns that are purchased to protect. These guns are then used to commit violent crimes, that same crime that the gun was purchased to defend.
Call me crazy, but where does it stop, bigger, quicker guns with superior ammunition? Who wants to live like that.
One last thing, I undertstand that you must be thinking, dont pass comment, you don’t live in the US, but I did for almost seven years, in New York and California.
June 14th, 2007 at 4:58 am
I was once asked about guns at our house and I answered with “Oh, a couple. Mostly in L’s room. He’s the gun kid. A couple uzi type things, a pirate pistol; I’m not sure what the others are.” It took me a bit to realize she meant real guns, not toys. Oops.
June 14th, 2007 at 5:07 am
This is a legitimate concern, but I can’t help but think less of someone who would categorically rule out a friendship between their child and the child of a police officer, simply because there is a gun in the home. That’s cowardice, an unwillingness to address the issue with the other parent.
June 14th, 2007 at 5:16 am
Excellent question.
I live in Canada, in a fairly rural area. Most folks around here hunt deer. I don’t own a gun because I’ve never had the urge to hunt, but I do know how to shoot and some basic safety.
My sitter and her husband hunt deer. They have guns on their property. Probably not in the house (they have a big workshed on the property), but even if they did, it never occured to me to be concerned. I trust her judgement that the guns are kept someplace safe from curious children.
So I think guns are really only one part of the question… more of a symptom than the cause, so to speak. The larger question is do you trust the judgement of a near-stranger? Do you trust them if they have a pool, do you trust them if they have a fireplace or woodstove, do you trust them to supervise the kids enough to keep them safe?
June 14th, 2007 at 7:07 am
I don’t let my kids play at anyone’s home unless I’m friends with the parents and know answers to questions like that. I always tell other parents that my children aren’t comfortable going over to others houses, but we would love to have so and so over here. Roy and I have said that we will be the house all the kids hang out because then we know what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with. It’s a lot of work and my house is a disaster area, but my kids are safe and oh hell who am I kidding- it’s fun.
June 14th, 2007 at 9:46 am
My husband is a policeman and brings his service revolver home. All of our neighbors and friends are aware of it and we’re more than happy to answer any questions anyone may have.
If someone is offended when questions about weapons are asked, then that someone is wrong. There must be an open dialogue about such items.
I do believe that if a family is willing to shut out another family because of the issue without an open dialogue, then those people are doing themselves and the weapon owner a disservice. In our particular case, it would be somewhat offensive for people to trust my husband to protect them on a daily basis but refuse to have anything to do with us in our home because of what he does for a living.
No one should ever be afraid of honest open discussion on the matter. Not every issue is so black/white. It’s an individual decision based on the responsibility level of each weapon owner. Some of the harsh statements so far need not be such “blanket” statements.
June 15th, 2007 at 5:07 am
I’m a Canadian moving to Louisiana in 2 weeks. My daughter will be entering first grade and will, no doubt, be asked for play dates eventually.
I will absolutely ask if there are guns in the home. Hopefully my question will be kind and without judgement, but I will definitely ask. She won’t go if there are guns there. The children are welcome to play at our house. It is my job to ensure that my child does not face any unnecessary dangers. I consider playing in a home with a weapon unnecessary.
I don’t believe that children can be “taught” not to play with a gun and saw a show one time about families who were absolutely convinced their child would *never* touch a gun. They put these children in a room with a gun and sure enough, one child picked it up to show off to his friends and pointed it at the smallest child there. The point to me is that children cannot make rational decisions all the time and a bad decision with a gun will kill.
I think every parent has concerns that are important to them. Each parent has to do what they feel is best for their own child. Hopefully the parents will respect what I have to do for mine.
June 15th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
we have guns in our house that we keep locked up in a cabinet in our garage –
I would not hesistate to ask someone if they have handguns in thier home…
June 15th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
I should ask this question but never have. I have talked to my daughter about guns and hope she’d remember this convo, but I really need to ask the question too.
June 16th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
I don’t see the utility of the question. If I had a gun, and I knew you would be uncomfortable with it, I’d just lie to you. “No, we’re not really gun people.”
That I might happen to have 9mm pistol in my garage stored safely where children cannot obtain it would not deter me from lying to you. If you feel the way you feel, then you clearly do not need to know whether I own a gun or not.
I happen to be a person that believes guns should be reasonably secured. I also happen to agree with you, that a highly secured weapon with gun-in-safe and ammo separate is not particularly useful for self-defense. On that count, I yield to the logic of those who would secure a locked handgun in a handgun safe designed for that purpose.
Personally, I have chosen for myself to NOT keep a loaded handgun in my house. But if I did, it would be secured, and I would pleasantly lie to you about it. This satisfies your logic test (only a loaded accessible gun can be useful), and it satisfies your feel test. You can’t feel bad about a gun you don’t know about. Logic and emotion are both served.
June 18th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Gun ownership is very high in our area. I can only think of one family my children are friends with that does not have a gun (they are not American). For this reason, I only have that one non-American friend babysit. My rule is that my children do not go to a home where there are guns without me. That may mean I sit in on a lot of playdates and it definitely means that my friends will not babysit my kids.
So far, it has not been an issue, but I would not be surprised if some friends were offended if I actually articulated the rule for them. Something along the lines of “you don’t trust me?” I’ll just have to live with that because, although I realize the chances of problems are very small, I could not live with a gun accident.
June 21st, 2007 at 1:25 pm
When I was in junior high, two best friends were playing at one of their homes. They picked up a gun that was in the home and played with it. One friend shot–and killed–the other. It was HORRIBLE. I will never forget this (and it was more than 20 years ago) and the lasting effects it had on the friend. Accidents happen. That being said, my kids are older and this is something I thought about when they were younger, but not again until reading this. It is so important to discuss all kinds of situations (and exit plans) that your kids may encounter. Drugs, strangers, bullying, guns, etc. As already mentioned in previous posts, people can lie, there has to be communication with our kids. We can’t keep them locked in our homes forever, which is sometimes what I would like to do. It may not make a difference when they are small, but it will if the subject is addressed often. Tough topic.
July 4th, 2007 at 11:25 am
How about unloaded guns, in a locked cabinet, with ammo stored far, far away?
Because if you are okay with that, I think you just need to say, “I know that this may sound paranoid, but with everything in the news lately and my child always getting into everything…I just like to make sure. Do you have guns? If so, what safety measures do you use to keep them (and liquor, pills, and knives) away from the children?”
And if they balk at this idea: Either have the first play date at your place and identify YOUR known hazards and how YOU keep the kids safe and/or say, “I know your children are used to your rules and you are used to how your children play in your house…but since my child is new to your house, I want to make sure that she is able to play safely.”
August 23rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
I’m at the other end of this question. i wrote a post ( http://ktjrdn.tripod.com/whats_new/index.blog/1669222/everybodys-got-one/ ) about it, but don’t have a lot of traffic, so I didn’t ever really get my question answered.
What would make you comfortable enough to have your child play at my house? Would I need to remove my guns? Ammo removed from the house? What would make you comfortable enough to avoid the one-sided friendship situation?
I’m asking because it (surprisingly) hasn’t come up yet, and I am curious.
October 16th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
apologies if this is a double post:
Wow. . . .going back a few posts. . . I just taught my 7 yo. how to shoot his first .22.
Gov’t stats huh. . . well, mine say something different with having lived in several different places on the globe. Whilst one can argue that this one specific area of criminal behaviour (gun RELATED crimes) goes down, your not being given the whole of the picture.
In most cases those nations and municipalities who have to strictest gun laws will suffer a rise in other areas of criminal activity such as home invasion, car theft, sexual assault, battery and other violent crimes. The murder rate does not tend to drop across any particular boundary either. One still carries the same risk of being killed by a violent crime, now it’s just the way it’s committed.
On the other hand, when Kennesaw, Ga. issued a mandate that required (requested) ever home owner have a gun, violent crime, thefts, home invasions, etc dropped. . . now why on earth??? . . . I actually had the pleasure of living there. It’s not some po-dunk town straigt out of ‘Duke’s of Hazzard’ either. It’s a nice (if even a little busy) suburb of Atlanta.
BTW, the chances of you, your loved ones or friends dying a horrible death from a car accident is FAR AND AWAR greater than by dying from being shot. Please, don’t let your kids hang around any family that has a car. . . they might get killed that way.
If one should care to delve a bit deeper into this subject matter of ‘gun control’ then they’ll find several other nations who have instituted either a ‘no tolerance’ policy to guns or very strict laws.
Since we should take a better sampling of what happens over time then we need to eliminate those that have just made that shift such as England. . . Let us look at those that went that route say around 75 years ago. Nazi Germany is the very first one that comes to my mind. Hitler himself proclaimed in one of his many public speeches during the mid 1930’s that ‘Germany is now the first nation to have ever instituted modern and complete gun control’. But then hey, there’s nothing wrong with a little unionistic National Socialism now is there?? Then of course there’s other places like Russia and China too. It’s not just the big ‘ole bad communistic or fascist nations either. Look at Mexico, or some of out South American neighbors. I know personlly feel much safer when traveling abroad to these destinations (sarc.).
Well, going back to it, he had a great time, even started getting the basics of what REAL gun control is all about. Descriminating the difference between what a target is and isn’t, and then consistently and accurately hitting it with iron sights from over 500yds (yest, five football fields) away. . . He’ll get there!