Say anything
My younger daughter is my last child. As much as I adore both of my girls, my psyche simply cannot handle a third child. While I joke about this fact, in typical using-humor-as-a-defense-mechanism style, deep down my limitations pain me. I take some comfort in knowing them, but considering that I married the youngest of three children, I can’t help feeling grateful that my mother-in-law took the chance of having a third boy.
(A moment of silence for the trials and tribulations she faced.)
I’m fortunate in that my older daughter was such an easy baby, an easy toddler, an easy child. She is, to put it mildly, a joy. Yes, she succeeds in driving me to distraction with all the questions, but she’s got the wisdom of an old soul combined with the exhilaration of a child. That means she’ll take a detour from skipping around the house to bring down the dirty towels from her bathroom. Cheerfully. And then ask me how the washing machine works, and where they’re made, and who makes them, and what parts are used, and…oh god, make it STOP.
My younger daughter is very different.
She doesn’t talk – unless “Mommy!” (screeched in such a manner that you can feel your eardrums vibrate) and “Bobby!” (a request to watch SpongeBob Squarepants) count. Okay, she can say “Boo boo” and hold out an appendage for you to kiss. And if you don’t kiss it, she will screech “Boo boo!” at increasingly higher decibels until your head literally vibrates down to the level of the boo boo and your lips accidentally brush it. Which is all she really wanted anyway.
This business of not talking was at first an annoyance, then a concern, and now we just ask her at least three times a day, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO START TALKING?!”
Because Tacy talked early. Really early. Completely intelligibly. In sentences. So much so that I kept having to remind myself of her age. And that we shouldn’t watch “The Sopranos” when she was around because I didn’t want to hear the words “Big Pussy” come out of her mouth. Non-Sopranos watchers might not understand.
About the time that I’d have expected CJ to start talking, she was on her third ear infection in two months. When she hit five infections (three double, two single) in one winter, we went to see the ENT.
They tested her hearing (clear as a bell), looked in her ears (also clear), and told me that if she got another one, we’d schedule tubes. But she never got another one. I still have that last sample of Omnicef sitting in the medicine cupboard.
But despite the reassurance from the ENT, we still wondered when she would talk. It would be soon, right? Wouldn’t it?
It’s been a year since we went to the ENT. And while her language has progressed, I read about what other children her age and younger are saying – even whose parents are concerned about their language progression – and think, My kid’s not even there yet.
As if to prove her point, just now she yanked at my pinky. I asked what she needed. She whimpered and pulled harder. I asked again. After whimpering a few more times, I dislodged my finger, which usually makes her scream. This time, she went to the coffee table and picked up her sippie cup and brought it back to me.
I told her to say, “Milk, please!” She grabbed my pinky again and pulled me to the refrigerator; I went.
Still grasping my pinky, she pulled my hand towards the door handle. I repeated, “Say milk, please!” She pulled harder; I repeated myself. Over and over again.
After a few minutes, I told her, “I have to go potty,” and she stood outside the bathroom door and howled. Then we went back to the refrigerator and began the whole charade again.
Eventually, she swiped her hand across her chest – sign language for “please” – and I acquiesced. She may not have verbalized in the manner I requested, but it was enough for me this time.
Her Early Intervention caseworker will come to see us this afternoon. On one hand, I feel silly calling for services when children who most certainly have developmental delays are in need. But on the other hand, I wonder if we’ve waited too long – if she could have benefited (along with my sanity) by earlier intervention, if you will.
I waited, giving her time and encouragement. When others suggested that she might be a candidate for EI, I politely responded that we were considering it. I thought to myself, We’ve got time.
And perhaps we still do have time. Who knows? But I can’t help thinking now of the time we let get away.
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June 8th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Oh Julie, that last sentence-don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone tells us not to compare our children, that each one develops at their own pace, so you waited a little longer with CJ. I’m sure it is frustrating for both you and her, not being able to communicate and be understood. I bet once she works with the EI people for a while, she’ll be chattering away in no time! You are doing a GOOD JOB as a Mom!
P.S. No header? Or am I just not seeing it in Firefox?
June 8th, 2007 at 7:16 am
CJ is so sweet, Jules. I am sure the EI therapist will work some magic. But do not be hard on yourself. She will flourish because of you and Kyle and Tacy.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:34 am
I wouldn’t stress about it too much either. Maggie also spoke in full sentences starting around 15 months. Even as an infant, when you would talk to her, she would (and still does) watch your mouth the whole time. Will is 10 months and only says “DaDa” everything is dada. Momma is DADA, Daddy is DADA, Maggie is DADA….
June 8th, 2007 at 7:41 am
[...] mothergoosemouse [...]
June 8th, 2007 at 8:24 am
My sister’s child is like that – doesn’t speak, but is astonishingly communicative. Don’t stress too much, and getting EI maybe something that’ll kick start the talking.
By the way, I have a duck transgression confession up.
June 8th, 2007 at 8:42 am
It’s so easy to second guess and play the what if game. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Have you been reading Chicky Chicky Baby? She’s exactly where you are. You are her mother and you know best. Hope all goes well this afternoon.
June 8th, 2007 at 9:02 am
Our lives are very similar in terms of our children. I joke in that way that you describe that had been DO been first, there would have been only one child. With spirited children and children who fall outside the norm, there’s no way to know what the right approach is. I’ve second guessed myself more times than I can count, and there are some mistakes I’d rather not have made. But in general, I think we’re doing okay.
My DO didn’t speak until he was fully three years old. He is 9 now and has no speech delays or impediments at all.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
June 8th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Julie – both of my kids went through Early Intervention. And I thank God for it. My two year old was released from her speech therapy earlier this year and is caught up with her development. My four year old is still “in the system” – out of EI but in Preschool SE. You still have time. You are doing the right thing.
June 8th, 2007 at 9:57 am
I hope everything goes well. It’s so difficult, as parents, to not judge ourselves based on what we are told is the norm. But every child is different.
If it helps ease your mind at all, our pediatrician told us that second born children are always less verbal, but more physical early on. That’s definitely been the case with Miss A, who will be 27 months old next week. Miss C, on the other hand, wears me out with her incessant questions!
I’m sure at some point I’m going to be wishing that she and her sister would just shut up already.
Good luck Julie!
June 8th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Remind me again… how old is she?
My oldest was a complete-sentences-at-18-months type. My mom told me multiple times how unusual that was. My middle talked much, much, much later. Like starting to worry later. Alas, around 3 1/2 he finally caught on and hasn’t stopped since.
Certainly, as a mom, I can appreciate your concern. I hope it turns out to be ‘nothing.’
June 8th, 2007 at 10:54 am
I’m sure you’ve had people tell you that Einstein didn’t talk until he was, like, 35 or something right? Doesn’t help, does it? Chicky has more words than CJ does which makes me wonder if EI is right for us or if I’m just freaking out about nothing and now here you are wondering if you waited too long. We’re damned either way, I think. No, not damned. We’re concerned moms with out kids’ best interests at heart and with no hard and fast rules about how to take care of their speech delays. Or maybe that’s the same thing?
I hope your appt. goes well today. Please keep me posted!
June 8th, 2007 at 11:28 am
That’s tough. I’ve got one who talks to much as well, he’s been known to say “Don’t spank the monkey during diaper changes”. God I hope he only says that at home and not at preschool or Sunday school.
I have another that doesn’t talk so much either but he’s young still, his older brother does a lot of the talking for him. I’m not sure about how I feel about him learning to talk. It will mean questions times two and I’m not sure I’m ready for more questions.
Hope things get better.
June 8th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Some kids just seem to want to talk more than others. Hopefully that’s the case here, but I think there’s no harm in bringing in EI.
Cordy talks up a storm, but she isn’t a very interactive speaker – she usually repeats things she hears on TV. We’re considering an EI eval for her, not for speech but for social interaction problems. She’s smart and vocal, but doesn’t seem to understand how to function socially.
Good luck with the evaluation and I hope everything goes well!
June 8th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I hear you. It’s a fear of ours of course since T is so verbal so early. But that last sentence kills me – she’s still a wee tot. She’ll get there. Don’t beat yourself up because your children aare different.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
I hope the visit put your mind at ease. Let us know how it went.
June 9th, 2007 at 7:13 am
After seeing CJ the other night, I think you are right on target. Now would be a good time to get some advice, but it’s not like I think you are “late” by any means. Let us know how it goes.
I can tell you… I found the EI visits with Declan (ours were more checkups with suggestions just to make sure his preeminess was progressing OK)… I found them extremely helpful and reassuring. I hope the same goes for you.
June 9th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
And after they start talking, you’ll be wondering how to keep them quiet!
I’m glad that you have an appointment with the EI and hope that she/he gives good, reassuring input.
June 10th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
No one wants to think that there might be something ‘wrong’ with their kids. And odds are, there isn’t anything seriously wrong with your little one. But if there is a bit of a speech development issue, EI will address it. If not, your mind can be put at ease…
I hope the appointment goes well for all of you.
June 11th, 2007 at 5:29 am
I don’t know a lot about this specifically, although I did take a few language development classes in grad school. It seems I remember that second children often talk later due to the fact that they have an older sibling who will speak for them.
Just my two cents, but I’m sure she’ll catch up.
June 11th, 2007 at 6:14 am
Our pediatrician told us that if Ben hasn’t learned at least three words by his 18-month visit next month, we’ll have to go through all the testing again. It’s still early, but I can’t help but feel like a failure. I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t talk “baby talk” to him, but I was always talking to him, telling him about my day, narrating the world for him. His hearing seems fine, he just hasn’t shown any interest in labeling any of the objects or activities in his world. He babbles incessantly and does five-minute monologues in babytalk, but nothing substantive.
To reiterate what others have said… my husband didn’t talk until he was almost three because his older brother talked for him. And one of my brothers didn’t talk until he was three either. He was waiting until he could speak in complete sentences.
My heart is with you, dear.
June 11th, 2007 at 8:15 am
Our youngest went through EI, there’s no need to feel guilty — they are there for all kids that need it, you’re not bumping anyone’s kid out of the queue.
Best to you and your daughter, I know firsthand what a worrisome ride it can be.
June 13th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
My 2.5-year-old is a recent graduate of speech therapy. I rejoice when I hear him proudly ask a preschool friend, “Want to play?” Of course, then the friend says, “Sure Colin, let’s play trains and you be the conductor and I’ll be the passenger… (yada, yada, yada).” OY!!
June 13th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Same scenario here… Antonia spoke like a full-fledged adult shortly after the colic wore off. Jonah, on the other hand… I STILL can’t understand Jonah three-quarters of the time and he’ll be seven next month. Not to say that you’ll have the same issues with your second child… just that I empathize. We’re working through his speech impediments and NOW he also has some hearing loss since the “rock” incident. *sigh* I’m regretting the fact that I didn’t teach him some sign language skills a long time ago.
June 16th, 2007 at 6:56 am
I still have a huge post on Rosie to put together about this same subject. Let me just say for now that if you want to discuss, we’re going through the same thing. You know where to find me.
xoxoxoxoxo
June 9th, 2009 at 10:30 am
[...] years ago, I made my first call to Child Find. CJ was two and a half, and she couldn’t string two words together. Instead, she [...]