A Special Post – A Special Husband
My name is Alex Elliot, and as part of this month’s Blog Exchange, not only am I exchanging URLs with Mother Goose Mouse, whose words may be found on my blog, Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, but I am exchanging subjects, focusing not on motherhood and my parenting experiences the way I usually do, but rather on my husband and the subject of fatherhood.
Focusing on anything this month can be difficult. The month of June is a hectic one for my family. We have our wedding anniversary, my husband’s birthday, and Father’s Day. Until our younger son (YS) was born last June, my husband liked to claim that every major holiday during the month was at least partially about him. While I do think sharing the month with YS (not to mention sharing our anniversary with me) is good for him, he does deserve his special time.
After dating him for three years, I was not surprised that my husband made a wonderful spouse. I hoped that he would be a wonderful father as well, but before we had our first son, he knew nothing about kids. Despite the heavy medication and physical discomfort I was under, I have a vivid recollection of the first time he changed a diaper. My husband had our older son (OS) dangling over the hospital bassinet by one foot while he was swiping desperately at the merconium with a handful of wipes. Even three years into fatherhood, he can sometimes be fooled about women and children’s health issues. He recently asked me how long it would take for me to recover from my c-section for our younger son’s birth, since he was suspicious that I have still been asking him to do any midnight diaper changes for our 11-month old.
That said, my hopes about my husband’s parenting skills have been born out in practice. He is a wonderful father who is very involved with our sons. Even though he had no parenting practice, those hopes were well founded based on the man I knew him to be before children. My husband cares about people. He is the type of guy who tries to connect with everyone; he always asks cashiers how they’re doing, thanks them, and wishes them a good day. He’s the type of guy who will call over a restaurant manager to tell them if a waiter or waitress is doing a fantastic job. (He makes sure to share the praise with the waiter or waitress as well). He works for a company that seems to do a pretty good job at recognizing people who go above and beyond to get something done, but in the instances where they fail to recognize people as they deserve he is relentless in redressing the problem.
My belief that he would be a great father was not based only on how he deals with adults. He always interacted with children at our church and continues to interact both with them and with those who come over for playdates when he’s around. He does not always consider himself the best at being with kids, but he always reaches out to them with respect for what they are saying (or trying to say) and respect for them as people. The instructor for the Saturday music class that he takes with the boys thought he was an elementary school teacher because of how he parents. He’s very supportive of my career and we frequently talk about what steps we need to take for that day when I decide to go back to vet school. He wrote an awesome op-ed on gay marriage. He’s a social activist and is trying to do his part to make the world a better place.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect. (Sorry, Big Giraffe.) In fact we’ve gone to marriage counseling to work on some of our differences, although we first did that proactively because we wanted to get our marriage off on the best possible foot as well. Most of my friends’ husbands are resistant to marriage counseling; the fact that he’s happy to go says a lot. His dry sense of humor includes a sarcastic side that can be vicious. My boys will probably not learn how to do yard work or handyman projects around the house from him. To be frank, I had to show him how to put the washer fluid in his car. To me though that’s not a big deal. What my boys are learning from their father is far more precious; they are learning how to be themselves. They’re learning to define who they are and not live by stereotypes. My husband is as willing to sit with OS to put his dolls’ hair and the dishtowel that OS wears as hair in pigtails as he is to throw or kick a ball with him. He doesn’t care that a good chunk of the baby’s clothes are pink because I accidentally washed them in a hot water wash with a red blanket. In fact, I applaud his sarcasm when he turns it on those who believe that he should be concerned about these things.
I want my boys to be able to define their own happiness, and I hope that they will try to make the world a better place. I can’t think of a better role model for them than their dad. He therefore deserves this special post.
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Another incendiary (literally) piece over at The Parental is Political…
June 5th, 2007 at 8:22 am
Rats – why didn’t I milk that c-section excuse for longer!
He sounds like a wonderful guy, Alex.
June 5th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Amazing post. And I love how honest you were about marriage counseling. Too many people are afraid of it.
June 5th, 2007 at 10:35 am
Our anniversary is in June too—the day after my birthday. June is a super busy month!
Great post!
June 5th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Happy Anniversary to you then! And a Happy Father’s Day to a great daddy. This is a fabulous post and as always I am impressed with your candor, and your humor.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I love that you wrote about your husband. Most of us babbled about our dads. And he sounds great. Great piece for a great guy!
June 5th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
A very thoughtful and honest post, as usual.
June 5th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Thank you Alex for a kind and beautiful post. It means a great deal to me.