“This is the greatest day of my LIFE!”
As shouted by a little boy as he burst through the gates and hurtled toward the pool, which opened for the season on Saturday.
Our subdivision has two pools. We usually go to the one that is farther away because it is almost always less crowded and, despite the absence of an actual baby pool, it is more child-friendly.
While I enjoy going to the pool to catch a few rays (in my new not-a-mom-suit) and watch the girls wear themselves out, I also like to play games there.
Game #1 – Spot the fake ta-tas
I’m not bashing the owners of the fake ta-tas – I’m all for doing what makes you happy - but I have to wonder if they realize that the rest of us can spot them so easily. When your middle-aged silicone boobs threaten to escape the confines of your suit – because you did NOT buy a sensible suit that provides adequate coverage – the jig is up.
Game #2 – Count the empty threats
“Get out of the water, sweetie. It’s adult swim. Okay?”…”C’mon sweetie. It’s time to get out.”…”If you don’t get out right now, we’ll have to go home. Okay?”…”Did you hear the lifeguard? He’s telling you to get out.”…”It’s time to get out now. Do you want to go home?”
Repeat until adult swim is over and the point is now moot.
Game #3 – Bring incendiary reading material and watch people notice. Enjoy their reactions.
No, I’m not talking about Maxim or Playgirl. I’m talking about this.
If only they had wireless at the pool. Then I could start liveblogging the action.
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Amidst the beer and burgers that are the modern hallmarks of Memorial Day, please stop by Parent Bloggers to read our feature about the sacrifices of our troops and their families.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:27 am
I love your games! Counting the empty threats would require lots of double-digit addition!!
May 28th, 2007 at 7:31 am
The empty threats drive me absolutely nuts. Especially when issuing from my own husband…grrr.
I must hear about this suit of yours–clicking over now.
May 28th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
GOD I HATE THE EMPTY THREATERS. I always want to say, “go ahead, kid, she doesn’t mean it! she’d have to put down her cocktail!” As if.
May 28th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Awwww, Nate’s current book of choice as well.
Do people still tell their kids to wait six hours after eating to go swimming or is that passe now? I have to get to the pool more.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Cute suit! I opted for the Target bikini, with the tie on the side…floral pattern. But then, I’m a little wench.
I’ll have to go visit our pool and play your games. Sounds fun!
May 28th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
The empty threat. . .nothing makes me glare at a complete stranger more than this. I want to scream, “DO IT!!!! JUST DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL!!!!!” Maybe someday I will.
Great book to bring around to public places. I’m sure there are people praying for your soul right now.
May 29th, 2007 at 5:52 am
I’ve got to get me a copy of that book. I’ll be spending some vacation time with the in-laws this summer and I’m sure that will go over like a lead balloon. Just the reaction I’m looking for.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:10 am
I’m all over that book! Public pool reading at its very best!
May 29th, 2007 at 11:14 am
Oh no! I am the empty-threater. Avoid me at all costs.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:59 am
So how is the book anyway? (And I’ve been known to issue empty threats, but only in the privacy of my own home!)
May 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Okay, I enjoyed reading the games and thought the post was great but when I came to the link to the book that completely changed everything… to LOVING the post!!
A woman after my own heart! I think I need to read that book.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Love the games! I like to watch more than swim, since I can’t get my hearing aids wet. These are right up my alley.
May 29th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
..shouldn’t that be the “jugs is up”? I’m just sayin.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:12 am
You rabblerouser you!
May 31st, 2007 at 9:14 am
Are you kidding? The skimpy suit on a middle aged woman is usually a dead giveaway that the boobs are fake. I like to play that game too, and then point them out to Jeff, which makes me the best wife ever.
May 31st, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Yeah, Empty Threaters drive me nuts too. And I just added that book to my Amazon wish list. P.S. Water World soon?
June 6th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
Just started reading your blog and stumbled across this. I just wrote about how annoyed I was with my own children at the pool. Wish I had thought of the games so that I could enjoy myself more and the book, too funny. Can’t wait to flaunt that one at my, oh-so-Catholic-school community pool!