One angry mommy
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. As far as I’m concerned, I will be thrilled to pieces if this Sunday is like nearly every other Sunday where the four of us work together, play together, and laugh a lot.
I don’t need Mother’s Day to be extraordinary because I feel loved and honored every day. Why can’t that be true for all of us?
I’m angry because so many of my fellow mothers look to Mother’s Day as a special occasion, their opportunity to be treated like a queen. And some of them won’t even get a verbal acknowledgment of the day, let alone the approbations that they deserve every other day of the year.
While reading the “What Makes You A Mother?” posts, I grew increasingly frustrated. Too many fathers who didn’t understand – and didn’t care to understand. And too many mothers who clung to their status as mothers – the ones who carried the children, something that fathers can never do – as consolation.
Why should we have to console ourselves, to justify our prominence in our children’s lives? Why should we pit ourselves against our children’s fathers – or more accurately, why do they do it to us?
Why is it a competition? Why do we see Mother’s Day as our opportunity to be the victor – at least once a year?
I don’t mean to criticize others’ relationships. I’m not present for both sides of the discussion; I only know what I read, what others choose to share. But I have to admit that what I read bothers me. I don’t know how a lot of these women carry on each day, other than to cling to the unconditional love of their children.
I was afraid to have children, afraid of what it would do to my marriage. As much as Kyle claimed to adore children – the good and the bad, the fun times and the tough times – I couldn’t help feeling apprehensive, wondering whether we would work as a team or whether the primary childcare responsibilities would fall on me.
I’m lucky; he meant what he said. Every day is Mother’s Day around here.
I only wish that were so for all of the mothers out there whom I love.
May 12th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Here, here — I totally agree every day is mother’s day. I hope you have a day full of play and laughter. I am going to make that my goal of the day too. I like that.
May 12th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I didn’t enter that contest because I feel similarly to you. But I did post about my mother’s day feelings, which are definetely conflicted, because it’s a day that needs some alternative thought poured into it. Come check it out and see if it’s more to your idea of what this day is about.
May 12th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Absolutely. I feel the same way. It makes me sad to read the stories of women who are in a constant yearning for understanding and equal partnership from their husbands. It reminded me how lucky my husband and I are to have the type of relationship that we do.
Have a very Happy Mother’s Day – today and everday!
May 13th, 2007 at 12:06 am
My son makes me feel loved and honored every day, and that is why I decided my “Mother’s Day” post would be to thank him. My husband definately does not appreciate me (he is one that rarely acknowledges Mother’s Day), but it’s ok. I learned a few years ago not to cling onto that; that simple little fact does not make me less of a mother. I am not sure what I’m trying to say except that I get what you are saying and it’s sad that we need a day to sort of “validate” many of us. You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband.
May 13th, 2007 at 4:28 am
I respect that other people use today to celebrate the mothers in their lives. But, personally, I kinda hate this holiday. The feelings of obligation in the air… the Zales Jewlery commercials… the way you can’t go out to eat a restaurant today… and the e-cards of summarized appreciation…. just hate it.
But your point is good, too!
May 13th, 2007 at 4:37 am
Everyday should be mother’s day (maybe that’s what catherine was getting at).
The truth is – we don’t need diamonds/perals breakfast in bed IF we got that type of appreciation (sure not in that form… but you get my drift) all year round.
If that was the case, I’d say “bah” to the holiday too. But the forced appreciation, at least in my house, ain’t so bad.
And I’ll be wearing my shiny necklace to show it.
May 13th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Wow, Julie — I said the same thing to Dave the other day. He asked if there was anything special I wanted to do and I said not really, because every day is mother’s day as far as I’m concerned. Some days are better than others, and some days I don’t wanna be a mother, LOL…but it’s all good. Usually.
May 13th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Rock on, sister.
May 13th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Hey, thanks. I read a bunch of those posts and felt like I just didn’t fit in. I’m someone’s mother – it’s a part of me, but it isn’t the most important part of me. And mother’s day is just another Sunday.
May 13th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Mothergoosemouse, you might appreciate the tribute to Moms posted here (http://club166.blogspot.com/2007/05/happy-mothers-day.html).
This is a blogger I read regularly because both of us have children with autism. Mom or Dad, we speak the same language.
May 13th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
I thought about you today as I went to the grocery store (kid in tow), did laundry, and changed many diapers–and realized I didn’t mind.
May 13th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Isn’t it wonderful to have a husband who gets it? The kids, the parenting, the craziness? We are lucky women.
May 14th, 2007 at 6:09 am
“I couldn’t help feeling apprehensive, wondering whether we would work as a team or whether the primary childcare responsibilities would fall on me.” – me too. And I think what I’ve realized is that even though Jeff is a true partner, I’m still the mother and by definition that means I shoulder more of the responsibility. It’s easy to accept that when I know I have Jeff to lean on. I’m lucky.
May 14th, 2007 at 6:51 am
i always used to think the “holiday” was developed by my own mother as a way to make me feel bad about the fact we didn’t get along. now i think it’s just obnoxious. if your husband and kids need a holiday to remember to tell you they love and appreciate you–and you need something shiny to acknowledge their appreciation–then there’s a problem bigger than over-commercialization.
i submitted a post to the contest mostly because sometimes i need to remind myself. i neglected (unintentionally) to mention my husband–my son’s stepfather–DOES “get it” and makes every day “parents’ day.”
May 14th, 2007 at 7:13 am
You are a lucky woman. I didn’t so much as marry someone who didn’t live up to promises as I did marry someone without setting up expectations at the beginning.
I don’t really acknowledge mothers day, really, it’s kind of silly.
May 14th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Mother’s Day is like Valentine’s Day to me, and I’m not a big fan of that either. Appreciation out of obligation really isn’t.
May 14th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
I was afraid to have children too. My husband told me that if I did the pregnancy part, he’d take care of the rest. I’d like to think I still pull my weight these days, but he definitely carries more than half the load. I never take that for granted.
Great post.
May 16th, 2007 at 2:38 am
So true, Julie. Blessed are those who feel appreciated on a regular basis.