Beyond Greg Wiggle
Vern: You think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: No, I saw him on TV the other day, he was holding five elephants in one hand.
Teddy: Boy, you don’t know nothing. Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman’s a real guy. There’s no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
“Stand By Me“, 1986
Yeah, Mighty Mouse might not be able to kick Superman’s ass, but I’d bet that Li Shang could. Mmm…he might be just a drawing, but I’d love to meet the man on whom he was based.
I’ll admit it; I’ll honor Tacy’s request for Mulan whenever she asks for it, if only because I dig Li Shang. It certainly doesn’t hurt that Mulan herself is quite the badass cross-dresser. Screw that princess shit; let’s join the army!
The blandly banal cartoon heroes like Eric (The Little Mermaid) and Prince Philip (Sleeping Beauty) bore me. Aladdin is only marginally better, and Dimitri (Anastasia) is entertaining only because John Cusack does the voiceover.
Let’s not even discuss the relative attractiveness of non-human animated leading males, like Marlin (Finding Nemo), Wilbur (Charlotte’s Web), and Shrek.
While Greg Wiggle never appealed to me, I have to admit that I still think Captain Feathersword is pretty hot. And I like watching Harry Belafonte in Free To Be You and Me (and, truth be told, Marlo Thomas too). But my favorite is Dick Van Dyke (Mary Poppins). Even with all that soot on him, his eyes are striking and his grin is infectuous. I’d gladly scrub him clean in a bubble bath.
I can’t be the only one who looks for attractive characters – human or not – in children’s programming. C’mon, ‘fess up.
Technorati Tags: The Wiggles, Greg Wiggle, Greg Page, Captain Feathersword, Paul Paddick, Mulan, Li Shang, The Little Mermaid, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, Anastasia, Finding Nemo, Harry Belafonte, Free To Be You and Me, Dick Van Dyke, Mary Poppins, Charlotte’s Web, Shrek
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:51 am
Okay, your inclusion of Greg Wiggle opens the door to host/hostesses of variety shows, so I can list Nina from Sprout’s Good Night Show. She looks a lot like my ex-babysitter, so this is wrong on many levels :-[ . And also Kim Possible’s Mom.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:55 am
See, I like Captain Feathersword, but I think Anthony is even hotter. I also have to say David from The Upside Down Show (and their adult show, The Umbilical Brothers) is pretty easy on the eyes, too.
As for animated characters, I’m with you on Li Shang and Aladdin. I have to add that growing up, I thought that Prince Lir from The Last Unicorn was pretty dreamy, too.
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:14 am
I’m a big Marlin fan too but that’s probably because I’ve always wanted to marry Albert Brooks. True story.
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:56 am
I’m a little partial to Handy Manny. It’s not a physical attraction, but I am very impressed with his ability to actally finish projects — unlike my husband who gets the job about 95% finished and then moves on to the next project.
As far as sexual attraction, I have to go with Bugs Bunny. The fact that he’s probably gay is pretty much consistent with my real life preferences.
March 2nd, 2007 at 8:02 am
I personally like Anthony Wiggle and never really liked the Captain UNTIL I saw the band in concert—the Captain was hilarious and, yes, I was hooked. I also love the guys on Zaboomafoo, either one would be fine with me.
March 2nd, 2007 at 9:15 am
Why do you think Pirates of the Carribean was so popular? Most of it is over the kids heads.
We own Anastasia in spite of the fact that we have only boys. The first part takes place in St. Petersburg where our boys are from, but the historical innaccuracies have always bugged me. I was going to throw it out, but John Cucask, huh? How did that escape me?
March 2nd, 2007 at 9:21 am
Captain Feathersword is hot. How about the guy on that creepy show with the girl (Stefanie) with the pink hair. The name of it is escaping me, but I think the villans is named Robby Rotten. The hero guy is hot…or he would be if he wasn’t dressed so strange. The villan guy is hot too. Shane and David from the Upside Down Show make my son laugh, so I find them attractive too. I can’t think of any cartoon characters, but if I do, I will be back. Steve from Blue’s Clues is adorable and sort of hot in a great with children kind of way, but Joe doesn’t do a thing for me.
March 2nd, 2007 at 11:28 am
My husband was looking at the Doodlebops website for show tickets one day and came across a picture of Dee Dee Doodle and told me how hot she is in real life. Now when I see that show on and he’s in the room watching I get all jealous. Stupid Doodlebops!
March 2nd, 2007 at 12:11 pm
There was this cartoon about Beverly Hills Teens and I was totally after one of the guys on there, but cannot remember his name.
Dimitri had that floppy longish hair which I think is adorable on guys, so that made me happy.
I like Jack’s shuffle on Jack’s Big Music Show.
March 2nd, 2007 at 12:38 pm
I was always a Steve from Blue’s Clues kinda gal myself. But that was years ago when my kids were still into watching pre-school programming. Now they’d rather watch our shows with us like Lost and The Office. Mmmm, Sawyer and Jim!
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:06 pm
I have had the (mis?)fortune of seeing the Wiggles live. Captain Feathersword = hot. He is also funny. That is also hot. My daughter no longer watches the Wiggles. Not a single one of those My Little Ponies is hot. Not one.
For Vicky, and other Steve from Blue’s Clues fans…Steve Burns is still around. He is releasing his second CD…of grownup music. I have his first CD which was collaberated on by members of the Flaming Lips. Not too bad. You can check out http://www.steveswebpage.com.
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I’m with Christina–Anthony. All the way. But the Captain is tasty hot too. I’ve also seen them live, and it;s true–they’re even better in real life.
Now my kid has moved on. Very hard to have lustful thoughts about Jimmy Neutron or Spongebob.
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Yeah, Shang was hot, but then I found out his singing voice was…Donny Osmond. Which just seemed so wrong.
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:13 pm
i am not quite there (yet)…although i did watch a dragon make burritos on Dragon Tales and got really hungry and a bit resentful. does that count?
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Steve from Blues Clues got hot post-Blue when he went all indie and edgy. I do think Joe AND pretty much every Wiggle except Jeff are hot. And not Jeff only because I would tower over him.
March 2nd, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Oh, and you probably wanted some non-physical appearance role model commentary too, huh? Seeing as Declan is still of a 3 track mind of Wiggles, Blues Clues and Cars… I will have to say that I dig Lightning McQueen. Mainly because it’s been nice to have conversations with Declan about how Lightning grew as a person, err, car throughout the movie – like how he was self-absorbed and shallow in the beginning and then how he became a good friend at the end.
March 2nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
I can’t get past the Stand By Me exchange. I LOVE that movie. I had a thing for Wil Wheaton BIG TIME. And to think that chubby Verno is dating a model? And Teddy really is screwed up in real life? And Chris is dead? Ooooh, I could go on and on.
And, by the way, I’ll take Moose A. Moose any day.
March 2nd, 2007 at 7:28 pm
I kinda like Sinbad and Prince Proteus from that animated Sinbad that came out in… ‘03, I think it was? I may be the only person in the world who’s seen that movie, though. That may be why no one reads my Sinbad/Proteus fanfic…
March 2nd, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Tori, that’s Lazytown. The hot guy is Sportacus. Hot, but too much Dudley Do-Right for me.
March 3rd, 2007 at 2:27 pm
I’m glad I’m not the only one hot for Sportacus on LazyTown. LMAO! His name is Magnus Scheving…he’s an icon in his home country of Iceland. (Yes, I totally Googled about him and the show back when it first went on the air.) He’s a world class gymnast and competative aerobics champ. Hawt!
March 3rd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Julie…
I dare say one too many cartoons… Cozying up to Li Shang???(Does he not have Donny Osmond’s voice???)
But if I may be so bold…
Try Myasaki films….
They are truly beautifully done…
The water colour backgrounds are gorgeous and the story lines are about brave young girls…sorry no great bods… but no mother’s dying either…
Totoro, Nausisca, Kiki’s Delivery Service, Porco Rosso (A flying pig)The Cat Returns, Howl’s Moving Castle. are just a few… The Studio Ghibli is an amazing studio with wonderful, glorious, imaginative, works for kids…
I would however NOT recommend… The Graveyard of the Fireflies… It is for adults and it would truly break your heart…
And Spirited Away… That movie is amazing… but I think more for a teen… I think the team that created it were on mushroom trip while working on it…
March 4th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Jon Cusack is the voice of Dmitri??? I had no idea. If I”d known that I might have actually watched the movie instead of just reading the easy-reader adapatation five hundred times out loud.
March 6th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who thinks a cartoon character is hot. I agree with you on Li Shang, in fact I think my husband looks like him.