It’s getting hot in here
Apparently my husband’s boss now reads this blog too. Maybe not every day, but occasionally. And occasionally is often enough.
I’ve struggled with coming out of the closet to friends and family. While I don’t necessarily want to divulge my innermost secrets and unearth my most embarrassing skeletons, I’m enough of a whore for attention that I can’t blog anonymously. Love me or hate me as you will, but know me at least.
But on the flip side, while I won’t deny that I blog, and I’ll give my URL to anyone who asks, I cringed when one of my friends at Bunco suggested that I send my URL to the rest of the group. Who says they want to read me? I thought to myself. And what will they think of me if they do?
I’m not embarrassed by anything I’ve written here, nor would I take back any of it. It’s all real, and it’s all me. Some topics I leave alone – family unpleasantness, sex, depression – but there are areas where I’ll go – religion and politics – that most others avoid. I’ll even make fun of those whom others revere or pity. Visitors come and go relatively anonymously, and we don’t ever have to run into each other at the grocery store.
But I don’t discuss any of those topics with acquaintances. Because you just don’t announce to someone you barely know: “Hey! I’m an atheist! And a Republican! Who’s socially liberal! And I’ve had two c-sections, and I kept working outside the house even when my oldest was only two months old, and I could tell you a hundred other things about myself that might make you hate me!”
Hence, my hesitation to share my blog with anyone who hasn’t explicitly asked and been forewarned.
I admire my fellow bloggers who lay themselves bare – not just to the Internet, but to their families and friends and acquaintances. I wonder if they have a sense of self or a level of confidence that I just don’t possess. I read and laugh or sympathize – whichever one is appropriate - and connect with them, but I’m not comfortable going to the lengths that they do.
But while I may not write about it on my own blog, it’s no-holds-barred when I’m commenting on others’ sites. So if you want the dirt from me, find out where everyone else is dishing dirt and look for my responses.
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Speaking of naked bloggers who dish the dirt with reckless abandon, Kristen Chase is the queen. Her new (sex) column at the Imperfect Parent – Mominatrix! – debuts today, and I’ll be there…reading and commenting and divulging all sorts of secrets, I’m sure.
February 20th, 2007 at 7:34 am
First of all I love your blog and will occassionally post a note but I am a frequent reader.
Shout out to your husband’s boss!
Question: If the boss reads your blog at work, does this equate to extra time for the husband (ie: ok to show up/leave work 15 minutes early every now and again? Longer lunches?)
February 20th, 2007 at 8:40 am
TWO c-sections? What kind of a lunatic are you?
February 20th, 2007 at 10:01 am
So far, I only have one friend and my wife who know I blog…and I don’t think either of them read it. Not that I spill the beans on a lot of intimate stuff…but I don’t want to hold back if I’m so moved. LOL
February 20th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Many of my friends know about my blog, and my husband reads it every day, but I don’t willingly offer up the URL unless asked. Some of my family knows that I blog, but I have yet to tell them where, and probably won’t tell them unless they really insist on knowing.
I don’t discuss a lot of controversial things or big family issues very often, but I’d still rather not reveal everything to some of my family members.
February 20th, 2007 at 11:34 am
I keep my blog a secret from everyone but my husband and my sister, mainly because in real life I keep my cards pretty close to my vest. I like that you share your blog with others. It’s another level of “knowing” you.
February 20th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
My blog changed a bit the day I shared it with my mother. Not a ton. But some. And some posts got deleted. And right now pretty much everyone in my life knows about it except my coworkers. Well, they know of the blog, just not what I write about. And for a while now, I have been writing things with the thought in mind, “What if my business partner happened upon this?” Um, you know – just in case. But it definitely changes the perspective of the writing, fo sho. I am just too much of a loud mouth (and not a little bit lazy) to *not* give everybody and anybody the URL.
And yes, I know it’s gonna come back and totally bite me in the ass someday.
February 20th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
I haven’t told anyone about my blog. I write what I think, and I don’t want to have to start censoring anything. I am not stupid, I am aware someone may stumble upon it, and if they do, hopefully they won’t be offended. Life is way too short for me to not be me and to sit and worry about what other people might think though.
February 20th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
I have a friend or two and my husband who know about my blog. The friend that knows outted me the other night and I really didn’t want to share for the reasons you’ve so eloquently shared.
February 20th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
I just stopped caring one day. I still don’t talk about our sex lives (that’s dish for girlfriends over coffee only) but, even knowing that the entire fire department reads, I write what I feel like. Knowing that his grandmother reads, I still write about my daughter. It’s kind of scary sometimes. But this is me: take it or click the little x in the upper right hand corner.
February 20th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
I don’t tell people about my blog but I don’t try to hide it either. I think one person at work knows about it but she never comments. I think that actually bugs me more…when people I know are reading it and NEVER comment. My mother, however, reads my blog daily and that certainly keeps me in a PG-13 perspective. So yeah I won’t be starting a sex column any time soon.
February 20th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
i am exactly the same when it comes to comments. i’ll tell anything, really. but my blog–my husband reads it for one, so i’m not about to start complaining about him. i’ve *not* told my parents about it, but might one day (but not today). i worry if i know they’re looking that it will affect how i write. i also have not given the url to anyone at work. but mainly because i don;t want it to become clear how much, uhm, “work” time is spent “researching social networking theory. in practice.”
actually–because of some academic work i am doing with HBM, i will probably have my real name out there pretty soon, and i’m cool with that i realize.
February 20th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
My husband doesn’t even know about my blog. I like keeping it secret from everyone IRL because then I never have to worry about censoring myself. To me that defeats the purpose of having a blog to begin with.
February 20th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Mine changed somewhat when my 15-yr-old started reading it. My immediate family reads, and several friends in far-flung locations do, too. But it does make a difference in how I post.
February 20th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Yeah, I sent a link to a post about my daughter’s freak-out during a church play with the Religious Education Director and she shared it with half the church. It’s a little strange to hear “I read your blog!” from one of my pew-mates. Thankfully, it is a liberal church, but still. . .it’s sooo strange.
February 21st, 2007 at 9:24 am
I hear ya.
I try to poke fun of myself first. New Jersey second. Always in that order.
I don’t talk about sex, except in the most closeted terms (i.e. “we played Scrabble last night, but I didn’t get no stinkin’ triple word score orgasm”) and I try not to talk about my extended family, even though there are novels there ripe for the picking.
But yeah. Even my ex-boyfriend’s dad reads my blog.
Love me, warts and all. Or don’t roll down the wondow to look.
February 21st, 2007 at 10:51 am
I went through this same thing when I found out Jeff’s mom was secretly reading my blog. In the end I decided the same thing – what I write is honest and true. The only things I don’t air are any problems that would ever arise between Jeff and I because it would be one-sided and that’s not fair to him.
If his mom ever wants to approach me about anything that I write about, I would happily talk to her about it, but I don’t want to confront her either.
February 21st, 2007 at 10:54 am
There are some things I share but some I don’t — like you… I don’t write about my childhood or my views on the Catholic faith because I lived in a small town surrounded by other small towns (all predominantly Catholic) and if I were to divulge certain things, it would be all over the area my parent, siblings and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins still live… So those are the only two topics I really leave alone.
Republican, athiest, socially-liberal? Wow. That’s quite a combination. But knowing that about you makes me like you even more. In fact, that makes me wish I lived next door to you, so I could try to badger you into being my friend.
February 21st, 2007 at 5:27 pm
I 100% know where you’re coming from, from the attention whorishness to the “what? You read my post about WHAT?” I think however that in this case, you are the host and they are your invited guests and they need to play, or read, by your rules. It’s not a family bbq and it’s not bunco night. You don’t have to write for anyone here but you. And anyone who doesn’t like it…tough.
However you might find you end up bonding with people who read you and say wow, who knew you felt the same way I did about the Crocodile Hunter…
February 21st, 2007 at 7:57 pm
My mother in law reads my blog. And that does complicate matters. I wouldn’t mind if she read anonymously (because I’d want her to know the effect she’s had on my life) but because she comments frequently, I cannot reveal things about her family without seeming pretty cruel!
February 22nd, 2007 at 8:54 pm
I wish I was brave enough to tell my mom about my blog. She would know me so much better.
February 23rd, 2007 at 7:55 am
Nope. Don’t generally volunteer that I’m a blogger beyond the couple of friends that know. Too dangerous, because I’m sure it’s very findable.
February 23rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
i started my blog while working nights (and alienated from all other human beings because of my fluctuating schedule), because i was bored. then it became a way for my friends to keep up with what’s going on with me and now i’ve discovered that my boyfriend’s family reads it regularly as a way to find out just what kind of person i am (they live 2,000 miles away). sometimes i censor, but mostly i’m myself, f-bombs and all. like some of you said, they can take it or leave it, but they’ll never be able to say they didn’t know what they were getting.
February 24th, 2007 at 7:12 am
attention whore yes-but not directly. I want you to like me, but don’t tell me to my face. I was mortified when someone left a comment that she read often and knew an acquaintance of mine.