Coming of age
When I was in sixth grade, I carried a purse that looked like a miniature duffle bag – pink nylon with green trim and a small patch of cross-stitch fabric on which I had cross-stitched my monogram.
In the depths of that purse was a tiny sanitary napkin enclosed in a little plastic envelope.
And I spent seven hours a day, five days a week, September through June, worrying that someone might find that little plastic envelope – might pull it triumphantly from inside my private property and shriek, “Julie’s got her period!”
Whenever I left class to go to the bathroom, I always left my purse at my desk. If you took your purse with you, it was because you NEEDED something in it – something that HAD to be used in the BATHROOM. Everyone knew that.
Ironically enough, I didn’t have my period yet. But I was certain that when it arrived, it would be a hemorrhage.
But in reality, I didn’t recognize it. I was a butt-wiping failure, like other people I know.
And unlike some other people I know, I figured out how to use a tampon properly on the first try. But only after I realized how stupid I looked wearing a pad inside my bathing suit.
(Yes, I really did that. And I have never forgiven my mother for allowing me to do it.)
Today, the Dot Girl’s First Period Kit is being featured on Cool Mom Picks. I’ve got the sample sitting in a box on my kitchen counter, waiting to be shipped to the lucky giveaway winner. And while I love the concept and how they’ve packaged it, I still wonder if - not just how, but if – mothers can make their daughters truly comfortable with all the changes in their bodies.
I adore my mother, but gentle, sympathetic guidance was not her forte. I was a terribly high-strung child who became a terribly high-strung teen. Everything – and I do mean everything – about growing up scared the bejesus out of me.
My daughters, even with all the milk spiked with rBGH that they drink, are nowhere near puberty. But even the thought of growing up, up, and away is enough to upset Tacy, who claims that she wants to live at home with us forever. I’m not sure that there’s anything I can say to assuage her fears. She simply has to get used to the idea – that her body will change, that her feelings will change, that her father and I will book ourselves a ’round-the-world cruise, double occupancy only.
On one hand, I don’t want either of my girls to be scared of what lies ahead. But on the other hand, perhaps a dose of trepidation isn’t so bad. I certainly put myself into some precarious positions over the years, but maybe a healthy understanding of cause and effect, actions and consequences, kept me from taking more risks than some of my peers.
Maybe I can’t keep them from being scared, but at least I can reassure them that we’ve all been scared. And that I’ll be there to provide as much gentle, sympathetic guidance as I can muster, no matter what the circumstances may be.
February 4th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Oh, so help me, but I think I found a woman more willing to spew forth information about herself than I am.
I’m in love
And I can distinctly remember cramming tp in my panties instead of a pad SOLELY so I wouldn’t have to carry anything in to the bathroom.
FYI: That doesn’t work very well.
February 4th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
For girls especially, growing up is so traumatic. Did we all worry about taking our purses to the bathroom because everyone would KNOW we were having our period?? I swear I had your exact same thoughts when I was in junior high.
February 4th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
I had one friend who only wore skirts when she had her period because she felt everyone could see her pad when she wore pants. So that was her dead giveaway…
February 4th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
YES.
I’ve been through menarche with my older daughter, and I’ve had numerous talks with both my girls about sex and puberty and all that they entail, and I think you perfectly stated my “mothering daughters” philosophy in this post.
Yes.
February 4th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
My oldest daughter is right there, and we’ve chatted about this numerous times. This kit is a great idea and I’m off to try to win it!
February 4th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Oh wow. You killed me with links on this one. I was LMAO. Really and truly. Good stuff. And thankfully, my sweet girl is not yet even two year old. We have quite a few years before all of this begins.
February 4th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
i remember all of that so well…and how very much on my own i was in figuring it all out.
and here’s to you, being the mom who makes sure we are doing it differently.
February 4th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
I think your own comfort with the subject will determine their comfort, simple as that. My money’s on you, mama.
And great review!!
February 5th, 2007 at 7:31 am
I’m not alone!! I’m not alone!!! Yay!
February 5th, 2007 at 8:49 am
i am so fucking glad i have a boy. (although i admit even that is not without its share of “jesus christ i wish i could disappear right now” moments…)
February 5th, 2007 at 9:49 am
Oh, I don’t even want to THINK about those days. Believe it or not, my “first time” was in the days before pads had adhesive! You want to talk embarrassing!
February 5th, 2007 at 10:08 am
I think I had that same pink mini-dufflebag purse. I remember cramming my “stuff” in there for emergencies. Ugh. I don’t miss the days. Hell, I don’t miss them now either. periods really suck.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:12 am
Puberty is such a crazy time for kids of both sexes and I think no matter what parents tell kids it’s confusing. They hear things from other kids, they get ideas that come from god knows where.
I think keeping an open dialogue with your girls so they know they can come to you with questions is the best thing you can do. You’re going to be great.
February 5th, 2007 at 10:40 am
It just so depends on the kid, right? Some kids, they will freak. Others, it will barely be a blip on the radar. It was such a non-event for me, getting my period. Maybe because I was last? And my mom was all, oh, really, okay..let’s go to the store. Ho. Hum.
I wonder if the big Celebrate Womanhood go out partying and dining and shopping is a good thing to do. Sounds fun.
FWIW, my 5 year old is already planning moving out, type of house, where it will be, etc. Of course, she is taking the cats, she tells me. But I can visit. Once she said she was taking Dad but I said we’re a package deal. So she said we can live next door. This is where Mom stands I guess.
But I know the truth. I know who she screams for in dire straits, most of the time. Dad is fun but Mom is there where the blood flows.
No pun intended.
February 5th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
lol: Your mom is tooo funny!
Having watched my high-strung sisters in action, I believe your mom felt there was a battle waiting to be lost and just waived the white flag!
February 5th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Thank Jebus I don’t have daughters! Once, when I was young, my mother thought that tampons would prevent my prospective husband from…you know…causing the massive hemorrhage that ALL VIRGIN BRIDES WERE SUPPOSED TO EXPERIENCE when they had sex for the first time and proved their purity and worth. *ahem*
When I told her that I wore two at once, so as to prevent a leak…well…let’s just say she was very upset.
Hey Julie…no mix cd yet. Should I be worried?
February 5th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Wow! I’ve been reading you by feed for a while so I hadn’t seen the new design. I love it!
February 5th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
I’m with Julie, too. Depends on the kid, I think.
I barely even remember my first period, and being nervous or awkward about it? I don’t think there was any of that to remember so…. hmmmm.
My mom didn’t talk to me much about it though, either. Must depend on the kid.
February 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
I vaguely remember being handed a book about most of this stuff. My mom wasn’t into talking about these things… Luckily, though, I managed to figure out the tampon thing with the bathing suit.
February 5th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I couldn’t insert a tampon until college. I was at a bar, drunk off my @ss and got my period. A friend gave me a tampon and I finally made it where no cotton had been before!
February 6th, 2007 at 1:16 am
I love this post. Oy, the period. I’m still haunted.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:16 am
I love that little kit! I was 15 when I FINALLY got my period, and by that time I had already practiced inserting tampons and had spent several hours daydreaming how cool I’d be when I could finally say, “I’m on my rag”
How silly I was.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:50 am
I didn’t get mine until I was 16 and in college! Once I got it, I wondered why I was so anxious for it to come! My daughter (9 year old) is already talking about it with her friends and they all have agreed that they don’t want it. Hopefully if she feels that way, she will be like me and not get it until very late.
A pad with a bathing suit? I am cracking up at that image!
February 6th, 2007 at 9:05 am
I’ve blocked it all out, personally. Total blank. Would prefer to keep it that way, too, so, um, don’t know what I’ll do when The Time comes with WB.
February 12th, 2007 at 12:46 pm
I wish that kit had existed when I got my first period, which was actual DECADES ago. My Mother pulled out a Kotex pad that she had apparently been saving since 1960, because it was the kind that had extra fabric at either end that you threaded through a BELT. And she handed me the BELT and I was in shock. She refused to let me wear tampons though because at that time toxic shock syndrome was very real. So I had to deal with humongous pads. I don’t think thin maxis came out until I was in college!
Yeah, I’ll be more prepared when it’s Kaitlyn’s turn.
February 12th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
I STILL leave my purse at my desk at work. Apparently I have yet to leave junior high, emotionally. Plus I work with all guys. God forbid anyine find out I am a menstruating 34 year old!!!! The HORROR!
Just one of my many issues…
March 1st, 2007 at 11:51 am
you should check out the Museum of Menstruation and Women’s Health on line at
http://www.mum.org/
it’s amazing.