I do NOT wear granny panties
Thanks a lot, Damselfly. See if I loan you my blog again. Now everyone thinks I wear granny panties and have a boyfriend who’s in jail.
And just to make sure that the message is clear, please see below where I’ve reprised one of my own Blog Exchange entries – originally published at These Sisters’ Journeys:
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An Open Letter to My Arse
Over the years, you’ve betrayed me more times than I can count.
I’m not even referring to your size, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms (or bag of Reese’s cups). For the purposes of this rant, I’ll leave your dimensions out of it.
No, I’m talking about wedgies. And farts. And constipation. And (don’t look at me when I say this) hemorrhoids.
You’ve driven me to thong underwear and Beano. Colace and donut pillows.
Do you remember the time when I was digging out a wedgie, and a boy in my class saw me, and he asked if I was going to the movies that night? I thought he might actually LIKE me. But no – thanks to you, he was making fun of me. Nobody wants to go to the movies with a girl who’s got her hand up her butt.
Do you remember the time when the entire classroom was quiet, and you just HAD to speak up? Yeah, thanks for that too. Not only were you noisy, but you had bad breath.
Do you remember all the times you refused to produce solid waste? Raisin bran. Metamucil. Suppositories. ENEMAS. No child should have to know how to use a plunger.
And I know you haven’t forgotten the hemorrhoids. A pregnant woman is already terribly uncomfortable as it is, especially when her epiglottis isn’t doing its job correctly. Did you have to malfunction too? You crossed a line there, oh yes you did.
So. Here we are. The worm has turned. I’ve found ways to counteract your torture attempts and even inflict a little pain on YOU now and then.
How do you like it? Not so much fun, is it?
Well, too bad. Because I dig the underwear, and not in the way you wish I would.
Sincerely yours,
mothergoosemouse
February 2nd, 2007 at 9:45 am
HA HA HA HA!! Please cc: my butt too!!
February 2nd, 2007 at 10:39 am
sure you don’t….
February 2nd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Neither do I! Never! Nuh-uh!
(What’s that? No-one asked me? I’m protesting too much?)
February 2nd, 2007 at 4:23 pm
CC my butt as well! hilarious.
February 2nd, 2007 at 8:24 pm
LOL..thanks for clearing up the confusion. Now we can go back to picturing you in the skimpy lingerie. LOL
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:26 am
When I read the blog exchange post previous to this one, I really did think for a while that you were declaring your allegiance to granny undies. Sorry.
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Okay I have to admit, my children are still awake, ok well one of them is and anyway and I’ve been drinking but you crack me up sister you really do. In fact Matt just took my wine glass off my desk and put on the counter. Bad mommy I know. Keep writing. Please.