Hazing or tradition?
Over the years, I’ve participated in several activities that included some element of ritual or tradition. I never thought of it as hazing, but apparently that’s been the common descriptor for the past several years.
The non-profit organization Mothers Against School Hazing (MASH) was founded with the goal to “eliminate hazing, bullying, and/or any abusive acts to our children.” On their website, hazing is defined as:
Any action taken or situation created intentionally, whether on or off school premises, to produce mental or physical discomfort, embarrassment, harassment or ridicule.
Any humiliating or dangerous activity expected of you to join a group, regardless of your willingness to participate.
Any action taken or situation created, intentionally, whether on or off fraternity premises, to produce mental or physical discomfort, embarrassment, harassment, or ridicule. Such activities may include but are not limited to the following: use of alcohol; paddling in any form; creation of excessive fatigue; physical and psychological shocks; quests, treasure hunts, scavenger hunts, road trips or any other such activities carried on outside or inside of the confines of the chapter house; wearing of public apparel which is conspicuous and not normally in good taste; engaging in public stunts and buffoonery; morally degrading or humiliating games and activities; and any other activities which are not consistent with fraternal law, ritual or policy or the regulations and policies of the educational institution.
Source: MASH website – What Is Hazing?
My first introduction to hazing (as defined above) was with my high school drill team. Several traditions had developed over the years, and I looked forward to participating in all of them. None of them were dangerous or illegal, and I didn’t consider any of them humiliating. Parents of team members, school faculty and staff, and/or our team director were present at all times.
But over the course of my high school years, most of those traditions were eliminated. Not because of any injuries or known objections on the part of team members. I honestly don’t know if we were ever given any reasons.
I was disappointed only from the perspective that I had either looked forward to participating in these activities (but never got a chance to) or had participated before and looked forward to doing so again. Some of us joked about teasing the “new girls” when we were seniors, but we never actually hassled anyone, let alone hazed them.
In college, I pledged a sorority. Sorority activities could have more reasonably been construed as hazing, but even so, we were never asked to participate in any dangerous or illegal activities. Several women in my pledge class did not drink, and no one ever called attention to that fact, let alone pressured them to drink.
Also in college, I attended Air Force ROTC field training encampments – two summers in a row, unfortunately. I had to leave camp early the first summer, thanks to stress fractures in both shins. Even in that military training program, where the regimen is expected to be essentially the same from year to year, I observed differences between the two camps I attended – especially a “softening” of the physical training.
StopHazing.org is another site like MASH, but was begun by students and administrators at the University of New Hampshire. Its goal is similar to MASH’s: “eliminate hazing through education”.
Make the following inquiries of each activity to determine whether or not it is hazing.
1) Is alcohol involved?
2) Will active/current members of the group refuse to participate with the new members and do exactly what they’re being asked to do?
3) Does the activity risk emotional or physical abuse?
4) Is there risk of injury or a question of safety?
5) Do you have any reservation describing the activity to your parents, to a professor or University official?
6) Would you object to the activity being photographed for the school newspaper or filmed by the local TV news crew?
If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” the activity is probably hazing.
Source: StopHazing.org website – Myths and Facts About Hazing
Number 1 above is an objective criterium, taken as a simple yes/no question. But it begs follow-up questions, such as whether the participants are of legal drinking age and whether drinking alcohol is a required part of the activity in question. That said, alcohol impairs judgment on everyone’s part and can play a potentially dangerous role in any activity, at any age, and under any circumstances.
Number 2 is also an objective criterium, but one that seems to damn any activity intended as a ritual to being hazing. That is, many completely benign initiation rituals – such as the night when pledges are inducted into the sisterhood of a sorority – may be construed as hazing under this criterium.
Numbers 3 and 4 above are quite subjective and very much dependent on external circumstances as well as the nature of the persons involved. That is, what may upset one person may not upset anyone else in the group. Is it right to adjust to the “lowest common denominator” on behalf of that one person, or is it right for that one person not to pursue membership in that group?
Numbers 5 and 6 are a bit of a sticky wicket when it comes to fraternity and sorority activities, which are kept highly confidential. Even though I didn’t have a particularly good sorority experience myself, I respect the secrecy of the rituals (regardless of how silly they might seem in retrospect), and therefore I don’t divulge them. But as I noted above, all of my high school drill team traditions were carried out in public with plenty of opportunity for scrutiny and criticism.
Was I hazed, according to these criteria? I suppose so, but I still don’t see it that way, as I knew what was in store for me in all instances and went forward with my plans anyway. Granted, both sites argue that simply because an individual voluntarily participates in an activity, that fact doesn’t mean that the activity ISN’T hazing.
Does the fact that I “allowed myself to be hazed” mean I have low self-esteem? I suppose others would say so, but again, I don’t see it that way. It’s one thing to allow circumstances to dictate one’s actions, but it’s another thing entirely to consciously evaluate circumstances and act accordingly – including having the courage to decide that “[achieving the goal] is not worth compromising my integrity/morals/safety/etc.”
Do I worry about my children participating in activities that may involve some form of hazing? Obviously I consider my children’s safety every moment of every day. I realize that as they grow older, I will need to equip them with the tools they need to make their own decisions and protect themselves from harm – both emotional and physical. I realize that they WILL get hurt, but I hope to minimize the unnecessary injuries – those borne out of carelessness or bad judgment, on their part or others’.
To that end – prevention – I will endeavor to teach my girls self-awareness and self-confidence so that they can resist peer pressure and make their own decisions. I consider it my responsibility as a parent to teach my girls appropriate standards of behavior, for themselves and others, and to give them the courage to stand up for themselves if they feel uncomfortable or endangered (or stand up for others if they feel that those others are in danger). I can’t rely on school administrators to sanitize the environment (apart from the greatest risks, such as weapons – and I don’t mean nail clippers).
I want my girls to be prepared to evaluate risks and protect themselves from danger. It’s a big, mean, unfair world – and it always has been. But it’s safer for children today than it ever has been.
Technorati tags: hazing, ritual, tradition, high school, college, sororities, military
August 16th, 2006 at 10:36 am
This is one of those “I can’t define it but I know it when I see it” situations, isn’t it? I mean, scavenger hunts, public events, and “buffoonery”? That’s a far cry from physical abuse. Your strategy of prevention is the only sensible one (though sadly underused in our litigious world, but that’s another post).
August 16th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
Julie, you put your thoughts into words so well. This is a great, informative, thought-provoking post.
August 16th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Very interesting.
I think #5 and #6 are the most telling – if you take the confidentiality of Greek hazing/initiation out of the equation, what would the answer to those questions be?
I don’t think i ever experienced hazing, but i was never in cheerleading, a sorority, etc. And I think a big reason that so many hazing-type activities have been done away with is that people (parents) are so lawsuit-happy – mainly related to #3 and #4, and there is much greater recognition of “risk of emotional abuse.” Something like that wouldn’t have even been considered when I was a teenager.
August 16th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
What an interesting and thought provoking post! I myself was never the victim of a hazing, but I have witnessed it. Strangely enough, the most brutal hazings I have seen have been at the hands of grown women on a site I used to run. It does not have to be physical to be painful or emotionally damaging.
Frankly, no matter what the age, I think those doing the hazing are the ones with low self-esteem. They want…no NEED…to hurt others to salve their own wounds. They need to beat someone else down to build themselves up. Power and control can go a long way in anaesthetizing inadequacy and self-doubt.
I applaud you for taking steps to arm your children. It’s a real concern these days and I worry for my oldest son, who is very laid-back, very malleable, very trusting. My youngest doesn’t take any shit from anybody, lol.
August 16th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
In my first year of college I attended an upstate NY university…I didn not join sororities because of the hazing. I heard so many horrible stories, with the guys frat side that it frightened me. I plan to raise the kid to know that he doesn’t have to conform and follow the crowd that hazing is dangerous!
August 16th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
I think the issue with hazing is that so often it’s a gang mentality type thing. And that is hard to control and hard to defy, no matter how strong your self esteem is. Having never participated in a group like a sorority, cheerleading, etc I don’t have any personal experience with hazing. I was on several varsity athletic teams, however, and we did fine, without any hazing at all. So I don’t see any harm in trying to prevent it from happening on campus, etc.
August 16th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
This is a good post. I think (and maybe I’m wrong) ithat hazing seems more and more dangerous (emotionally or physically) than it used to. Is it because I’m getting older or because it is actually does more damage now?
August 16th, 2006 at 8:45 pm
Great post! Food for thought now that we are moms of would be hazees (?) and hazers, too.
I have never been in a hazing situation personally, although I have dated several ex-fraternity brothers who broke the code of silence by telling me what occurred during Rush Week. I found it both horrific and strangely fascinating.
I remember a couple of years ago the footage on TV of senior high school girls in Illinois beating the shit out of freshmen girls during a muddy football game. I was appalled. If my daughter was involved in something like that (as either a senior or a freshmen), I would wonder what the hell I had done wrong as a parent.
August 17th, 2006 at 3:59 am
I’ve never been on the giving or receiving side of hazing, but have never belonged to anything. I was a GDI in college. My husband was fraternity all the way and thought pledge week/hell week was a blast and gave those who made it through an instant sense of, well brotherhood. He wouldn’t pin me though because if his brothers found out they would kidnap him, strip him, tie him to a tree and pelt him with eggs.
Critical thinking skills, self confidence, and empathy are things we hope to instill in our children so that not only will they not be a victim, but will not hurt others as well. I think lack of compassion and not being able to think it through is the cause for the inability to discern between harmless hazing and abuse.
August 17th, 2006 at 7:28 am
Amen. I’m not a proponent of hazing by any means but maybe if we focused less on getting people not to haze others and more of getting our children to stand up when pressured to do stupid things all this could be nipped in the bud. How can I expect my child to say no to hazing (or huffing, or racism, or becoming a member of the nazi party) if I don’t teach her that just because everyone else is doing it you don’t have to.
August 17th, 2006 at 10:50 am
Julie, I love this…
I will endeavor to teach my girls self-awareness and self-confidence so that they can resist peer pressure and make their own decisions.
It is a big scary world out there, but I think it’s our responsibility as parents to ensure our children don’t turn into bullies and don’t succumb to peer pressure in extreme circumstances like hazing. Fortunately I never was a victim of hazing, although during initiation week for my high school sorority we put the new girls through a mini “hell” week with silly rules like no talking to boys, no shaving their legs, no makeup, etc. But it was never dangerous activity.