Who are you? And why are you here?
Most of the time, I don’t concern myself much with the reasons why someone might visit my site. If they’re looking for something that won’t possibly be found here, they’ll leave fairly quickly – after a page view or two. Of course, I’m incensed by people who visit me via searches for illegal content (that is, anything relating to mistreatment of children), and now that I can obtain a record of their full IP addresses, I will report them to their ISPs.
Sometimes I’m puzzled by the information served up by Sitemeter, but very rarely does it alarm me.
On Friday, someone from the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children visited my site. Eight page views in a little more than 50 minutes. No referral information. Poring over my oldest archives.
Consider me alarmed.
Without the referral information, I can make two guesses about how they got here. Either they knew my URL already and typed it in directly (or had me bookmarked), or they found me somewhere else, and instead of following the link, they re-typed it into their browser.
But why are they here?
They looked at monthly archives from last year – August, September, October, and then my post about CJ’s second ear infection, which came right on the heels of her first, which was only diagnosed when I brought her in for her nine-month well baby checkup. The doctor had prescribed Zithromax, and it completely tore her up inside. My post chronicled my frustration in trying to get her to eat and drink, only to have it all come right back up or out. The title of the post was a quip about how she wasn’t drinking, so I might as well drink.
Is there something wrong with that post? With the title? With my new tagline? I don’t know.
But I do know that this visit has unnerved me, even though it may be entirely innocent. Even though, as far as I know, my children haven’t been exploited, and they’re certainly not missing. Nor have they been neglected or abused in any way, shape, or form.
(Well, maybe except for the time I spend blogging.)
(Wait. That’s not funny.)
This unexpected and unexplained visit, and my reaction to it, illustrates why many women are afraid to openly discuss their post-partum depression or their frustration with the demands of child-rearing. I’ve never discussed my PPD in detail here, although I’ve left painfully honest comments on others’ sites who were braver than I. I’m still not inclined to discuss it. But I’ll say now that one of my greatest fears during that post-partum period was that someone somewhere in a position of power would decide that my child would be better off AWAY from me, simply because I’d been honest about how awful I was feeling.
That is wrong. No mother who is responsible enough to admit that she may need some help should be frightened of losing her child as a result of that admission.
Am I being paranoid about this visit? Probably. HOPEFULLY. But every mother gets performance anxiety on occasion, especially under scrutiny (whether it’s real or perceived).
And I still wish my visitor would have left a comment or sent me an e-mail instead of coming and going without a word.
Technorati tags: post-partum depression
August 5th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
While I can understand feeling unsettled, you shouldnt worry. If they were seriously looking for someone who did something exploitive, in 50 minutes they would ABSOLUTELY know this was not the place to find it.
Probably someone slacking off (you know what I mean, not that reading you is slack-worthy) at work..
August 5th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
Julie:
That would unnerve me, too. I’m sure it’s probably just someone at work, surfing a bit, who perhaps stumbled across your blog. Uh…not that I know anything about surfing blogs at work.
About six weeks ago I was getting a ton of hits, primarily from Comcast users, via a photo of my oldest daughter on Flickr that I had linked to on my blog. The photo was just a completely innocent one of her making cupcakes in her grandmother’s kitchen but it made me paranoid enough to remove it. I never could figure out how people were linking to it and it drove me nuts.
Jamie
August 5th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
p.s. I love your new tagline
August 5th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Maybe it was someone who was at BlogHer? Or who saw you on Flickr? I understand why it would bother you, though.
August 5th, 2006 at 8:57 pm
I would be unnerved as well. However, I believe that we should hope for the best and consider it an innocent visit. After all, Orwell’s book was good fiction but not all that accurate on the evils of government.
August 5th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
That gave me chills. It also made me re-think a series of posts I planned (eerily enough a couple of hours ago) called “Bad Mama Confessions”, but only for a minute. I believe very strongly that those of us with the strength and courage to be honest need to speak out for those who don’t. I will continue to be honest on everything from my fake boobs to my stint on Prozac to hating every mindless minute spent playing with blocks. Your beautiful happy children are proof that they have a wonderful mother. Keeping it real (well except for the boobs), K
August 5th, 2006 at 9:39 pm
Ech. Not a fun feeling. Maybe someone on break, who knows.
August 5th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
It’s easy to obsess over site stats, especially over some of the quirky things people are searching for. I wouldn’t sweat it too much. There’s no way you can ever know why people are visiting the pages they visit, or why one post is more popular than another. Not usually, anyway.
As for some of the sick and twisted crap showing up in your search stats, keep in mind that some law enforcement folks are searching for the sick crap so they can catch the bad guys. It’s not a job I could do. I’m way too soft and jumping into that seedy underworld – even to catch the sick bastards – would affect me harshly.
August 5th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
I just read on Crazy, Hip Blog Mamas about posting Warm Fuzzy and that you had recently been the MOTW. So I clicked to you and read the top post (this one) and thought this would be a good place to insert warm fuzzy to you. I am a brand new blogger only about three weeks and I have really enjoyed reading blogs from mothers and their honesty. As for discussing depression in any form, I firmly believe that more openness will only benefit our children in the long run. So stick with it and I agree with other comments that it is rather odd but probably someone looking on a break at work. By the way I look forward to reading more of your posts. I recently moved from Florida to Montana for my husband’s job and sanity so it seems you will have some things for me to relate to.
August 6th, 2006 at 5:47 am
De-lurking to say that I originally found your site through another mommyblog. I agree that it could have been some mom at work bored and just surfing the internet. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I too was going to post something about my daughter that might get a bunch of weird hits. I’ll have to give it a bit more thougt…
August 6th, 2006 at 7:14 am
That’s creepy… I’m sure once they read some of your stuff – if they were looking to see if you were exploiting or abusing the kids – they realized that you’re a great mom who is just writing about the things that happens to yourself and her family in the hopes of connecting with others out there who may be able to relate to those situations. (That’s what we’re all doing, kids or not, right?)
August 6th, 2006 at 7:36 am
I would say yes, you’re being paranoid (not without good reason though.)
I had a reader from Haliburton. I swear it freaked me out, and I don’t know why. Turned out it was a very nice lady from texas who did in fact email me about it. I was convinced of course, that it was Cheney himself and I’m on some watchlist.
August 6th, 2006 at 7:37 am
To clarify…
People read blogs when they’re at work. It makes sense that someone who cares about children (and might be a mom herself) is reading your blog. Maybe she herself went through similar and is looking for wisdom. Don’t assume the worst.
August 6th, 2006 at 7:46 am
I agree with mom 101. I was thinking the same thing actually.
August 6th, 2006 at 8:05 am
I wouldn’t worry about it, Julie. We all know you actually had your kids
Not that you can tell considering your waist was the size of my pinky finger.
I digress.
August 6th, 2006 at 8:37 am
My hubby used to work for an agency that represents exploited or neglected children in court. Sometimes when confronted with a new situation they have to do some research on the issue. For instance, if a mom leaves her 4 year old home alone while she goes shopping and then says “but I read that it was ok to do on the internet!” the agency might check around to see what comes up on the web just so that they’ll be aware of her defense before they go to court.
Trust me. You don’t have anything to worry about.
August 6th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Hi, I came to your site from Mom 101’s. I’m fairly new to blogging and know almost nothing about tracing and tracking traffic, etc on sites. I’m probably remiss in not knowing because things like what you have written here really frighten me. When we started our blog, my husband posted our daughter’s full name and birthdate and I removed it. We use our real names and post video and pictures, but I have not been too concerned because our readers are mostly friends and family. I would like to do more with my blog and your post has inspired me a bit to think more about safety, etc. Thanks!
August 6th, 2006 at 9:26 am
Probably just a mom at work who was surfing. I totally understand your paranoia. I’ve had a couple of odd/scary ones, too. Also, I had a mysterious visitor from Tribune.com in Chicago, who I was convinced was an editor scoping me out to offer me a job (ha!) as a columnist (HA!) at the Chicago Tribune (HAHAHAHA!) who turned out to be a regular reader who just happens to work for a Tribune company part-time, and a very nice woman who I’ve gotten to know.
Hopefully this reader will come back, see this, and reveal herself. A lot of readers don’t realize how much we can see/know about them from SiteMeter, so she probably had no idea how unnerving her visit was to you.
August 6th, 2006 at 9:33 am
My guess is that however the person got to your blog, your writing hooked him/her and so stayed because it was fun to read. You’ve done nothing wrong, your children don’t belong in that category, and that kind of organization doesn’t have the power to harm you. (I’d rather have that reading my posts than the ones looking for “hot sexy mom” I tend to get — of course, they quickly leave when they find me!)
August 6th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I would find that unnerving too — but (without reading the other comments, so I’m sure this has already been said) I’ll bet it was someone killing time at work on a lazy summer afternoon. I got a bit of a start once when I pulled up my Site Meter page only to see that someone from the Government of Canada had spent like, two hours, on and off, perusing my archives. I honestly think that if someone found something on this site that was alarming to them, you’d already know about it. And I doubt someone would spend fifty minutes reading you if they thought anything was going on. If anything, the person got so hooked by your mad literary skills that they just had to keep reading.
August 6th, 2006 at 10:43 am
Hello, My first time here, via Mom-101.
That would be unnerving.
Personally, I like your tagline.
August 6th, 2006 at 12:30 pm
yeah tha’ts it. I’m changing my sex tagline today. I’m getting too many weird visits on sex !
August 6th, 2006 at 1:44 pm
Dude, you only have to worry when site meter spits back “unknown country” and “unknown location.” Then email me
Congrats on MOTW, by the way! (I’ve been slacking, sorry!)
August 6th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Well, if they come back, maybe they’ll explain themselves here, and we’ll all have a good chuckle.
August 6th, 2006 at 5:09 pm
The only time I worried was when someone was finding me via first and last ( non-married) name.
But, I concur – It was most likely a Mom who had some extra time in the office and is sick of her baby having ANOTHER ear infection….And wants to know how other women seem to handle this.
Hopefully, it was a slow day in their office
August 6th, 2006 at 5:40 pm
whoa freaky. Maybe they are a mom volunteer themselves who had an extra moment and knows you from your blogstress fame? I hope. FREAKY!
Lisa
August 6th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
That is unnerving, but I agree with Binkytown: Anyone who spends more than a few minutes here will soon realize what a loving, thoughtful, all-around-great mom you are.
I do hope that particular reader comes back and comments or emails you privately, just to ease your mind.
August 6th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
I knows about them freaky stalker types.
I’m sure it’s not a stalker. You might worry when you’re getting google hits from someone searching, “teaching kids to mix drinks.”
Or, you might have found a friend, who knows!?!
August 6th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
yeah. it’s, at minimum, disturbing.
but. you *are* a good mom, Julie. don’t worry. well, worry, but in a smart, concerned, batten-down-the-hatches manner. and then, once that’s done and the kids are in bed for the night, have a follow-up to that aforementioned cocktail.
August 6th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
I understand why you’d be concerned – I would be paranoid too! That being said, there are lots of regular folks in the world who browse the web from their scary-sounding workplaces.
Love your tagline. I’m sure you’ve seen this before, but just in case: “Baby, Mix Me a Drink” by Lisa Brown at McSweeney’s.
http://store.mcsweeneys.net/index.cfm/fuseaction/catalog.detail/object_id/C69C2315-D209-4178-91AC-D2F8B63FB894/Baby%20Mix%20Me%20a%20Drink.cfm
August 6th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Odd! I’ve never really paid attention, but I will now!
You have nothing to worry about sweet pea. You’re an awesome mom!
August 7th, 2006 at 1:29 am
I, too, thought it was probably just someone from work. But, yes, when I check the sitemeter, I always pause on those that seem a bit odd.
It’s risky putting it all out there…that’s for sure. I am paying a big price for doing so as my latest post describes.
August 7th, 2006 at 2:09 am
That is scary. It would unnerve me too.
This is my first time here. I found you via Mom-101. Your tagline made me do a double-take, but that’s what a good tagline’s for, right?
August 7th, 2006 at 7:36 am
Well, maybe the person who came and read your blog works for the center? Hopefully, it is nothing to be alarmed about.
August 7th, 2006 at 9:07 am
Totally a work slacker – it’s all good.
August 7th, 2006 at 10:04 am
Wow … lots of comments here … comment envy
Gotta love the tagline !!! If I would write something like that I would sure get a personal visit from the child exploit bureau .. rest assured .. stay at home dads suffer under similar symptoms of performance pressure…
A visit like that would unnerve me, too … I am fine with all the searches I get for ‘Fijian porn’ (since I wrote about how they don’t have any)
August 7th, 2006 at 10:30 am
If you would just quit smoking crack, then maybe these people wouldn’t be all over your blog. Geez.
Okay, totally kidding about that. Like I told you last night, it is probably just someone who is bored at work. Sadly, these departments are already stretched thin with cases of child abuse and neglect. They don’t have the time or resources to go around reading people’s blogs for the purpose of rescuing other children. Even if they did have the time, you have nothing to worry about. You are a very attentive mother, and you have never done anything illegal in the parenting department.
The more your blog gets out there, the more hits you are going to have from various places. Given the fact that the government employs thousands, it would probably be more unusual to not have a hit from someone who works in one of their departments.
Stacey
August 7th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Probably someone surfing on the job. I’d take it as a compliment that you managed to entertain someone from the National Center of Missing and Exploited Children for over 50 minutes.
I also think it’s every mother’s fear that their children will be taken away; that someone somewhere will make some stupid mistake and deem it legal to take your kids away. ARgh, just the thought makes me ill.
August 7th, 2006 at 8:00 pm
I had my first negative comment yesterday and it took me a while to get over it, and it had me question my writing about my family, my being a mom, and my blog.
So I know how you feel about this, very unnerve is right.
August 7th, 2006 at 8:09 pm
It is amazing how much we divulge. I have had moments of paranoia a well, and probably well grounded. It has never been total freedom of speech, I am completely aware of that, so I self edit.
I visit your site because you write very well, you keep me interested. Thanks!
By the way, who are/were? the Janes?
Anne
August 7th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
Maybe they have a computer that just searches for certain word combinations, and your blog was picked up. I don’t think anyone who took the time to read this site would have any doubt that you’re a good mother. But still, I can understand your feeling unnerved by the whole experience.
August 8th, 2006 at 8:55 am
You have nothing to worry about and sometimes this site stats stuff is off. It’s probably someone browsing from work.
August 8th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
I had someone hit me from the Texas CPA society with no referring link. I keep thinking they’re going to report me to the Alabama CPA society and I’ll be dis-CPA’d (even though I’ve done nothing to warrant that). I think that if you right click and open a link in a new tab, it doesn’t show the referral info. I’m sure it’s nothing, in both our cases.