Who let the dogs out?
As a child, I was frightened of dogs.
We had a dog at home – a Japanese Spitz. My parents got her in 1966 when they were stationed in Okinawa. She was already middle-aged when I was born, and although she snapped at my brother and me on occasion (usually when we were holding a treat out for her and didn’t let go quickly enough), she was usually calm and well-behaved.
I first remember being scared of our neighbor’s dog, a German Shepherd. (I called it a “Golden Shepherd”.) I was convinced it would jump over our backyard fence.
When I was five, we moved to another house in a neighborhood where fences were uncommon and dogs often roamed freely. But our new neighbors had an elderly Collie named Sake who was always leashed when he “did his duty” as our neighbor would say, so I didn’t make the acquaintance of the packs of wild dogs until I was in first grade and rode the bus to and from school.
One afternoon, the bus dropped me off at the corner where a group of dogs had congregated. I got off the bus and was immediately surrounded. They didn’t knock me down or snap at me; they just barked and snuffled as dogs do when they’re excited. But the noise and their sheer size – individually and as a group – terrified me.
My mother called Animal Control to crack down on the unleashed dogs in the neighborhood, and my first grade teacher GAVE me her playground whistle (ostensibly to scare away the dogs, but it mostly functioned as a sort of security object). But I continued to walk to and from the bus stop every day. And I was still fearful.
The next year, I began taking piano lessons from a lady in our neighborhood. She lived about half a mile away. I walked to and from piano lessons each week.
I also joined a Brownie troop. Meetings were held at the troop leader’s house across the street from my piano teacher’s house. Again, I walked to and from Brownies each week.
Sometimes my mother would offer to pick me up from piano lessons, and sometimes another Brownie’s mother would offer to drive me home from a troop meeting. But mostly, I walked.
It was torture.
I knew which houses had dogs, and I modified my route where possible to avoid them. At the very least, I crossed the street to put as much distance as possible between the dogs and me. Most of the time, the dogs were inside or behind a fence, but on more than one occasion, a dog would emerge and slowly advance toward me, barking intermittently to let me know that I was not welcome. I knew not to run from them, to just keep walking as if I hadn’t even noticed them. It took everything I had not to break into a sprint.
The most unnerving episode was when a Doberman left his yard to follow me up the street. I knew a Doberman lived at that house, and I knew he was usually fenced in. But not that day. I walked away, listening to him bark and glancing over my shoulder to see how close he’d gotten.
As I got bigger myself, the neighborhood dogs didn’t seem nearly as intimidating, but I still avoided them. Even now, I get nervous if I’m out walking and see an unleashed dog without an owner present.
Despite our best efforts to socialize her without owning one ourselves, Tacy is scared of dogs too.
It seems to be an acquired fear, because back east, she loved dogs. We routinely went to the dog run to watch them run and play. Walking down the city streets and through the park, we had to stop and greet each dog we passed. Big or small, they all got some attention from Tacy.
On our visits to Ohio, she has been overwhelmed by my aunt’s dogs – three gigantic Golden Retrievers – but even I’m overwhelmed by those dogs. They are beautiful and gentle and loving, but their energy levels surpass even those of toddlers.
But she wasn’t scared until we moved here. Now she wants nothing to do with dogs – even our neighbors’ adorable miniature Goldendoodle puppy. She idolizes our neighbor’s school-age daughter, but refuses to play there if the dog is in sight. When we see dogs – on the street, at the park, while visiting friends – she grabs hold of Kyle’s legs or mine and darts behind us to hide.
While I want to help Tacy overcome her fears while she’s still young, I’m loathe to get a family dog merely to serve that purpose. Frankly, we have enough responsibilities and expenses as it is. Perhaps in a few years it will be feasible to get another pet.
In the meantime, I’m left to reassure her and encourage her to overcome her fears, just as my mother did for me when she insisted that I walk to and from my various activities. She did what she could to make the environment safe, but then she sent me back out to face my fears. Her insistence taught me independence, and her confidence in me gave me confidence in myself.
August 3rd, 2006 at 2:15 pm
I was terrified of dogs when I was little! When I walked to school, the house next door had big scary looking dogs that made me so afraid! My dad used to rattle our fence to get them to come over by him so I could walk by without them noticing me. My daughter is terrified of dogs even though she had a dog until she was almost 4! She has made all 3 of my other kids afraid just by her being so afraid. I would love my kids to get over their fear, but it doesn’t seem like anythign I can control unfortunately. We did get a dog to try to get them over their fear and all it did was make them afraid to come out of their rooms. We gave the dog back after 3 days of this. Good luck and know that I am right there with you trying to help my kids to know they are brave enough to get over their fear too.
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:14 pm
I love the new look of the site! That little gerbil/hamster is so cute.
I was terrified of the Great Dane that lived next door to my best friend in elementary school. Even if it was on a leash, I couldn’t walk up my friend’s driveway to her house until the dog was inside.
My boys walk to and from school in our neighborhood, and so far haven’t encountered any loose dogs. People are pretty good about keeping dogs in fenced-in backyards. But this reminds me that I should teach them what to do if a dog does come running up to them (stand still, right?).
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:20 pm
Well, you saw how fast I collected the kids and ran in the house when you found that snake in your yard, so I’m probably not the expert on how to overcome fears of living creatures. It probably also doesn’t help matters much when she encounters my hyper-active dog. So why am I even posting? I don’t know.
Okay, kidding. I just wanted to throw out the possibility that it might be a phase she is going through. Children usually only inherit a parent’s fears when they witness said parent reacting to them. My fear of snakes may have stemmed from watching my mom and her sister freak at the sight of them when I was a young child. Since you no longer show a fear of dogs, she wouldn’t have learned it from you. She could have picked up a lone idea somewhere that a dog could bite, and is continuing to react. It is still possible that you could snap her out of that phase. Again, I’m not one to give advice on just how to do that, but I have seen her be pretty responsive to how Kyle dealt with her fear of lightning. One day she is doing the hysterical “I don’t want to die”, and another day she is talking about how lightning is made from electicity. Kyle may be able to work his magic on her dog fear too.
Stacey
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:29 pm
You didn’t think I was going to pass this one up, did you?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT (and this is not just for you but for everyone) get a dog to help your kid get over their fear. Do not get a dog and expect that your 8 year old will take care of it. Do not get a dog because you think it’s cute. I have a list of ‘Do Nots’ but it’s long and would take up all your comment space. I’m glad to hear that you don’t want to get a dog to help your kid. That, my friend, is the right reaction. Find a nice, older, more mellow dog to introduce your daughter to. Preferably a medium-sized dog. Have the dog lie down and, when she’s ready, have your daughter pat the dog on the back. But you know what’s even better to start her with? Stuffed animal dogs. I’m totally serious.
btw, I was terrified of Dobermans when I was a kid.
August 3rd, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Elizabeth: I think it is a mouse. You know: Goose, Mouse?
MGM: Unless you really want to clean up a lot of pet hair, the getting-the-dog thing isn’t a good idea. I had a great big dog as a kid, and loved him. But was scared of other dogs anyway!
August 3rd, 2006 at 7:52 pm
I was attacked by a dog when I was a toddler (I don’t remember it at all) and had to have stiches. My dad fell asleep while he was watching me and my mom came home from the store and found me playing amidst my blood. REAL touchy subject with my parents to this day!
Anyhow, it sounds like you are doing a great job handling her fears. I did a post on childhood fears (“Scary Stuff” at http://www.thementormom.com). It is very important to acknowlege the fears and reassure, just as you are doing. Hopefully with time and positive experiences with dogs in the future this too shall pass.
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:16 pm
I think it’s great that you want to help her overcome her fears. But I wouldn’t get a pet snake to help my children overcome fear of snakes. Tacy might not like dogs in addition to fearing them which could be a result of coming in contact with Golden Retrievers. We now have our second Golden and he like his predecessor is OBNOXIOUSLY hyper.
I’ve never feared dogs, but I have an extreme (and rational) fear of birds.
August 3rd, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Oh. my. God. Is that a Goldendoodle puppy in that picture? SOO cute! Had to say that first.
My mom is also deathly afraid of dogs and I know it can be hard to NOT transfer that fear to one’s children. But I think it’s smart of you not to buy a dog if you really don’t want one right now. I have one and I wish we didn’t (that sounds bad but it’s true.). They are a ton of work and not all dogs are great family pets. We have one who isn’t, unfortunately. Lucky for you, you have a neighbor with a dog so you can bring Tacy over to see THEIR pet. That would be good enough for me!
August 3rd, 2006 at 11:53 pm
I’m with these guys. You’re gut feelings are right on. I’d love to get a family pet, but two of my kids are terrified of any living thing who’s movements can’t be predicted. It’s a toughy.
And I love what you’ve done with the place!
August 4th, 2006 at 8:45 am
You are so thinking along the right lines (props to Mrs. Chicky for her two cents, too!). And I so love that you care about this.
August 4th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
Hints about dogs:
Dogs do not like to be stared at.
Dogs do not like stiffness.
Dogs do not like it when your posture is upright and locked.
If you think a mean dog is looking at you, let your body be as loose and swingy as possible, keep your head down and just glance to see where they are. This is the best insurance against an unprovoked attack.
If a dog rushes you anyway, which will be rare (usually they will rush toward you, barking, if they are protecting their property (house, car) but won’t really attack if you keep moving smoothly away) then you need to get out your biggest voice and your absolute commitment. This has only happened to me when I was out with my dog, but usually one big HAH! Getout! causes them to veer off course.
August 4th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
I worry a lot about passing on my fears to my someday kids– especially when it comes to little creepy crawlies or my continuing issues with the dark. But I don’t think fears are necessarily passed down from parents.
I mean, my mom is absolutely terrified of thunderstorms– she wouldn’t let us sit near windows or talk on the phone during a storm, and sometimes even made us get our pillows from our bedroom so we’d have something to shield our heads with if there was a tornado (I grew up in Massachusetts, which isn’t exactly Tornado Alley.) But I love, love, love a good storm– bring on the lightning!
Maybe Tacy is afraid of dogs now because she’s close to eye level with their teeth. Maybe when she gets older, they won’t scare her so much. Either way, you shouldn’t feel like you’re to blame.
Besides, having a healthy respect for the wilder tendencies of any animal isn’t a bad thing– imagine how much worse it would be if she were running up to strange dogs and pulling their tails, or any of the other dumber things I’ve seen kids do.
August 5th, 2006 at 12:34 pm
I love this post. The line between respectful, healthy fear and unhealthy phobias is so fine I worry about how to walk it with Hailey. She teaches me to be brave more than I do her I think.
August 5th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
I’m with Roo, maybe Tacy will outgrow this fear if you don’t make a big deal out of it one way or the other. Chances are she will go to friend’s houses that have dogs and maybe you can just warn the parents so that her interaction with them is friendly.
Being a mother is hard work. So many things to consider all the time. I think you’re doing a great job.
August 6th, 2006 at 7:30 pm
It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I wonder what it is that changed when you moved? It could be just an age/phase thing, as Stacey mentioned. Great advice from Suebob too.
August 7th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I think this is my first comment. Since I also read your other entry wondering how random people find you…I found you through another blogger who I found on BlogHer. LOL so there ya go. I liked what I read and stayed. Simple, eh?
I never had a dog fear. Grew up always with one or two present in my life. My husband, however, was majorly scared of dogs. So I switched to cats just before I got married. Now our son (age 4) is just starting to show an interest in having a pet of his own. He mentioned a dog. He got fish. LOL Not sure if the hubby will ever break down on the dog issue. Probably not.
Oh, and a side note about small world; my parents (and 8 month old me) were stationed in Okinawa in 1966 too! We left when I was three. My dad was in the Air Force. Maybe our parents knew each other?