You get what you give - BlogHer ‘06 social networking
I’ve been mulling over what I really want to say about BlogHer ‘06. I’m still not sure that I’m ready to post a recap, but I want to take the focus off my entry regarding post-BlogHer ugliness and attempt to adequately describe all aspects of my incredible conference experience. I especially want to leave the ugliness in the dust because I don’t want potential BlogHer ‘07 attendees to be dissuaded by it.
There are three main components to my BlogHer experience: social networking, technical knowledge, and cultural knowledge. I will cover each one in a separate post.
Aside from all of the linky love that I want to share with all of the wonderful women (and men) whom I met and happily chatted with for minutes or for hours (and if I haven’t e-mailed you or commented already, I promise I will do so post-haste) and those whom I didn’t meet (and am filled with much regret), there’s a great deal more to say from the social perspective.
BlogHer was more than a booze-filled weekend of hugging and squealing. Yes, I went to BlogHer to turn existing online friends into offline friends and to meet new ones. But it was also an opportunity to network.
Networking is not a dirty word, nor is it a distasteful activity. Networking is how we make new connections and solidify existing ones, for both our benefit and the benefit of those with whom we’re connecting. As someone who - up until recently - was very much part of the business world, in an industry that is almost entirely based on relationships, networking is second-nature to me. I don’t feel dirty when I’m doing it, and I don’t look negatively upon others who are doing it. Networking creates opportunities.
On the other hand, productive networking requires discretion. For example, in my previous career, I would have never considered approaching a record label exec to announce that I love a particular artist, expecting to come away with concert tickets (and a backstage pass to boot). Likewise, the idea of approaching a well-known and well-respected blogger, particularly at an inopportune time (like when they’re eating or engaged in another conversation), and expecting them to engage in an extended conversation is equally ridiculous.
It’s ridiculous not because you’re not worth talking to, but because this person DOESN’T KNOW YOU. You may have been reading their blog for YEARS, learning all sorts of intimate details about their life - the details that they CHOOSE to share - but they don’t even know your name, let alone any of the intimate details about your life.
That imbalance of knowledge is one reason why quick-and-dirty conversations dominated at BlogHer (that and the fact that there were SEVEN HUNDRED PEOPLE there on Saturday). Yes, there were many of us who had long, deep discussions (usually post-midnight after several 12 ounce plastic cups of complimentary wine), but the majority of the conversations were brief. I don’t consider that an affront; I consider it an introduction.
Social situations are what you make them. I admire and appreciate those women (and men) who make introductions and facilitate conversation, but I don’t rely upon them to make my experience a good one. Likewise, I try to make introductions and facilitate conversation where I can, but I don’t always succeed. At BlogHer, I think many of us were overwhelmed enough by the crush of people. Some of us took it as an opportunity to meet as many people as possible. Some of us withdrew into our shells in the face of it all. And some of us (like me) did both over the course of 72 hours.
But in the last few days since I’ve arrived home, as I think back over my social experience at BlogHer, I’m awed by the number of incredible people I met whom I enjoyed immensely. People I didn’t even realize knew who I was and had read my blog and remembered my name or my family’s names or where I live. And I wouldn’t have even met them if I hadn’t smiled and said, “Hello, I’m Julie from mothergoosemouse.”
I’m so glad I did.
Speaking of networking, I’m floored to be the CHBM MOTW. Thank you to everyone who voted for me - what a way to cap off a fabulous weekend!
Technorati tags: BlogHer, BlogHer ‘06, social networking
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:24 am
I really look forward to going to next year’s conference. It looked so fun in all the pictures and recaps. Such sisterhood, which I didn’t need or seek out until I became a mom.
Lisa
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:04 am
it is such a crazy experience.. it is so overwhelming to be surrounded by THAT many people- and want to talk to almost ALL of them. you know? it’s not enough time. it’s never enough time. it’s hard.. they’re their one minute and then you look and they’re gone. i am so happy for the time i got to spend with the women i got to spend it with. i just wanted more. MOOOOOOOOOORE. like a crackhead. lol
August 2nd, 2006 at 11:16 am
I does sound like fun. And I would look forward to a chance to network. I’m all about making connections.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:37 pm
And this is why I love you. For real. I swear, if I met 149 people this weekend I feel bad about the other 601 that I didn’t. But in the end, I think we all should be grateful for whatever few close connections we did make, and stop dwelling on the ones we didn’t.
This is a great MOTW post btw so all the chbm-ers can see exactly why you deserve it.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:41 pm
As always, Julie, a fantastic post. (I always type in Julia first. ALWAYS.)
And congrats on the MOTW win. Mucho deserved.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:01 pm
I have one real gripe about the experience (and I plan to elaborate in my recap…which hopefully comes out before 2006 has ended)
NO F*CKING MUSIC. for a buck more each ticket (not even), we coulda had a dj both nights. I’m just saying.
I just saw your email last night and forgive me for the delay in replying …I thought you were wonderful and was thrilled we had a chance for some one on one time. You were actually one of the few people I was actually chatty with (as opposed to being on mute like I was w/ most, which, what was wrong with me?)
MOTW? Well done.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:03 pm
What Jennster said. Also since so many of us bloggers are also introverts, it makes sense that networking is a little more of a challenge for us. But I think we all did really well.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Thank you!
We don’t know you - we know some folks more than others because we email/talk/chat etc. outside of our blogs OR run businesses together - so perhaps, just maybe, we’re going to want to hang with them?
And also, some of us blog for a living - and so networking is what we have to do to make money.
And perhaps some of us do feel bad for not being able to spend 1:1 time with everyone. However, it’s hard to do in a 48-hour time period.
Okay. I’m done now.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:24 pm
While I don’t totally understand the “networking” aspect of Blogher, I would have loved the social angle. Maybe next year.
You all had a blast, obviously, and it was great seeing pictures of all my online peeps together. It was really a little disconcerting. Julie and Nancy and TB and Elizabeth and jen and Roo! All in the same room! Drunk! It must have been like the perfect storm of sarcasm and booze.
August 2nd, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Can’t wait to hear more. Please dish just a little.
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:12 pm
Once again you’ve hit on a wonderful solution to this recap paralysis that’s troubling so many of us! I think I saw the post or comment you responded to by saying “networking is not a dirty word.” Of course not! That is why we HAVE conferences instead of just reading everything online.
Of course, I clung to you like a koala the whole weekend so what do I know.
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:14 pm
Very well stated. I have never been good at networking - and since retiring to be a SAHM, my skills are pretty rusty indeed. I only got to chat with a fraction of the women you got to meet — but that was due more to MY comfort level than how approachable the attendees were. I loved how easy YOU made it to approach you. And I loved the energy level.
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:15 pm
PS nice new tagline!
August 2nd, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Kristen and Cathy - excellent points regarding reasons for attendance. I’d like to add that my trip will be tax-deductible, and Cathy was present on behalf of her employer.
August 2nd, 2006 at 4:26 pm
I’ve enjoyed reading all the posts about Blogher even though my feelings about not going have been somewhat ambivalent. I honestly don’t know whether to be relieved I didn’t spend the time and money to go, or green with envy. I think you put things nicely into perspective with your post, as have a couple others I have read. I’ll have to think long and hard about it next year!
August 2nd, 2006 at 4:27 pm
I still had a very good time - even as I am a little fearful of what Actually came out of my mouth in those 72 hours.
I am SO in for Chicago next year
August 2nd, 2006 at 6:29 pm
You wrote what I tried to say, but way more concise and elegantly than I did.
August 2nd, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Wish I could have met you! I can’t wait until next year because I think I’ll be better equipped to handle the parties. This year I skipped them for obvious reasons (as you know from my blog), and I am bummed because I know I missed so much!
Great post.
August 2nd, 2006 at 7:30 pm
Congrats on MOTW!
I think I would be one of those people who would want to run and hide at the prospect of 700 people. I’m so impressed on your views and your follow though on networking. I hope I can get up as much courage next year to find myself in half as many pictures as I’ve seen you in!
August 3rd, 2006 at 1:46 am
I keep reading it was incredible. So there were no men that sneaked in there? Networking is good and if you can make some friends then good. Would you recommend it next year? Who knows if I will ever go?
August 3rd, 2006 at 7:38 am
Finally! Somebody said it!
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:01 am
the issue I have with “networking” is that implies that you have an agenda. And if my agenda is making some friends and having a good time and your agenda is increasing your traffic, that could really suck. If you (universal you, of course) want to increase your traffic then you may just want to hand me your card and move onto someone else, and not care about getting to know me. YOu may want to meet me because I’m friends with Y, and she’s popular and maybe you can get her to link you. YOu may be so intent on meeting Y, since she’s popular, that you don’t even notice me, or care if you do notice me, standing next to her.
And that bites.
However, I realize everyone has their own reasons for doing things, and I did find a ton of people who seemed to have the same agenda as me.
August 3rd, 2006 at 8:37 am
Amy, you make an excellent point about discretion. If you (again, universal you) are trampling other people - literally or figuratively - while networking (or not), you are likely doing yourself more harm than good by alienating others.
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:51 am
I have been going back over my BlogHer experience and wondering if I should have done it differently. If I should have tried to spend more quality time with fewer people instead of blasting around shooting the Red Stapler photos…but I was a girl on a mission.
Now I feel I have created a bit of a monster, since people are already demanding a repeat appearance of the Stapler in Chicago. I am mulling over that one, because I really would like more one-on-one time or maybe one-on-three or -five time instead of these 3 minute conversations with everyone there.
Maybe set aside some Stapler time and some me time. I think I will feel like less of a geek asking people to pose next year since there is a bit of a precedent, so I might save time in the “working up the courage” area.
Anyway, enough babbling. You post is full of excellent points, and I can’t wait to read the next 2.
August 3rd, 2006 at 1:07 pm
I keep thinking about BlogHer, and what I’ll do differently next year, and wishing that next year was already here. I had such a fun time, but I think my own intimidation kept me from meeting a lot of folks that I had wanted to meet but didn’t allow myself to. Was that a sentence?
I’m glad we met - I still have so many blogs to visit that I haven’t yet. I need to get on the ball!
August 3rd, 2006 at 3:25 pm
You made a really excellent point about why the well-known bloggers kept to themselves. I made a point to introduce myself to everyone but Heather (and I had a chance, but she looked so uncomfortable I left her alone), but I certainly didn’t expect them to ask me to sit down and have a drink. I shook hands, exchanged cards and moved on.
Well, except for Amy/Amalah, who everyone now knows flipped me off at lunch on Friday-but in jest! She was being cute and funny!
Anyway, I was so glad I went to Blogher already “knowing” people. By next year, I’ll “know” so many more people, the tables will need to be twice as big.
August 3rd, 2006 at 5:29 pm
This is an excellent summation. I wanted to reply to it last night but got sidetracked with something around the ouse and didn’t make it back. Anyway, you make so many excellent points, thanks for thinking this through and sharing it with everyone. Maybe it will help smooth things over for some people and help others for next year.
And a big giant congratulations on MOTW! You’re always my MOTW : )
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:24 pm
“the majority of the conversations were brief. I don’t consider that an affront; I consider it an introduction.”
Thank you for reminding me of this. I left feeling that I had mostly brief conversations and very few DEEP meaningful ones (with the exception of my nice lunch with Liz, Roo, and Catherine, and you for a bit), but that’s not it at all. What I had were lots of introductions — a perfect platform to build on deeper connections in the future.
I love you!
August 3rd, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Every person I met, even briefly. was a person of worth and added value to my life experience. I’m planning on going to Chicago. MotherGooseMouse, we will meet again! ; )
August 3rd, 2006 at 10:27 pm
I can’t believe I almost missed you. Thank you so much for introducing yourself that last day, although I sincerely apologize for being too bacon-greasy to shake your hand and way, WAY too hungover to make a damn lick of sense.
August 4th, 2006 at 12:02 am
Congratulations on being the Crazy Hip Blog Mama of the week!!
And what wonderful articulation you possess, Julie. You really know how to get good dialogue goin’!!
August 4th, 2006 at 12:46 am
That was a great recap and very efficient use of the href’s. I’m impressed. It was great to meet you too.
Congratulations on the CHBM thing-a-ma-jig.
August 4th, 2006 at 11:34 am
Loved reading your take on this….it gives me a much clearer idea when I think of how to approach BlogHer next year. Networking is truly an art, and it’s sad that there are so many who think of it as distasteful.
August 4th, 2006 at 2:16 pm
Great post. And great meeting you and spending a little time together.
August 5th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I can’t believe that I forgot to congratulate you MOTW!!! BAD BAD Mother!
(And, for such a to-the-point post. Thanks for saying what I wanted to scream.)
August 5th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Wait - there was ugliness???? I’m so clueless. This time I’m considering it a good thing. I’m so psyched for next year. And thank you for your drunken massage.
I mean message, but I couldn’t resist.
August 6th, 2006 at 10:02 am
It was fun last weekend, living vicariously through all you BlogHer attenders and reading the bulletins as they were posted. I know some people felt depressed and left out - and all of us pretended to feel depressed and jealous just because it’s kind of fun to whine. But I’ve been surprised to feel a bit more outside-the-circle this week - as if all my favourite BlogHer bloggers are busy visiting all their new friends and leaving us sad little stay-at-homes behind. *sniff*
August 7th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Social situations are what you make of them.
Very well said, MGM. I had a great time at BlogHer and now that I’m home from my vacation, I’ve been sorting through all the biz cards I collected and whatnot. Fun, fun, fun and very invigorating. I am soooo glad I got to meet you at BlogHer 06!