Take this job and shove it*
Yes, you read that right. The woman who dirtied up Mary Tsao’s blog on Monday by commenting that when a SAHM says, “I chose to stay at home because I didn’t want someone else to raise my child,” it is just as offensive as if a WOHM were to say, “I chose to continue working because I didn’t want to waste my education and experience,” has officially QUIT HER JOB.
Oh shit. What do I do NOW?
Employment has been a struggle since I left my fabulous position in the music industry back in New York to move out to Colorado at the expense of a company that had yet ANOTHER round of layoffs last week (Kyle was part of the first round last September – it went by hire date, and he’d only been with the company four months). We both pulled excruciating gigs as collectors at that same company before we were hired on in our current respective positions.
Kyle is happy and productive in his new job. Me, not so much.
As I posted when I started, I knew it wasn’t my dream job. But the intangibles seemed to be there – smart people, consistent work, camaraderie – and I hoped I would love all of those good points enough to endure the commute.
The commute still stinks. The pay is unimpressive. The work is not challenging, but the disorganization certainly is.
I’ve often said that the job description of a project manager is “professional butt-wiper”. Therefore, I don’t expect much, really. But some actual project documentation that covers what’s been done up to the point that the project was transitioned to me? That would be really helpful. Otherwise, we’ve got a case of the blind leading the blind, possibly right over a cliff.
Another pet peeve? When I send meeting notes, read them. If they contain an action item for you, do it. If your supervisor reads the notes and delegates an action item to you, don’t come back to me and ask, “What am I supposed to do?” I don’t spoon-feed either one of my children anymore; I’m sure as hell not going to spoon-feed you.
These issues are not unique to my current position. Taken alone, they would not be enough to discourage me. But too many other factors have conspired to convince me that this job is not worth the trouble.
And that term itself – “job” – is a problem. I don’t feel as if I am contributing much, and I don’t like merely collecting a paycheck. I work, but I don’t feel as I have accomplished anything. Nor do I aspire to “move up” in the organization – whatever that means. As in most organizations, I would either have to wait for someone to die or for another regime change to take place. Neither of those options sounds particularly appealing. It’s a job, not a career.
So it’s time to find something new, while providing more flexibility for Kyle to take calls and meet with clients while I handle more of the domestic needs. We’ve traded duties and priorities on and off over the years, and the pendulum has swung back again.
How about it? Need me to write up some Cool Mom Picks? Looking for a guest poster? Know of a freelance job seeking a former honor student turned skate betty turned military officer who listens to Skinny Puppy and can curse like a sailor? I’m up for collaboration and open to ideas.
In the meantime, I’ll be at the pool or at the gym or at the mall. Gotta get ready for BlogHer.
* It’s a good company and good people work there. I’m leaving on good terms with no hard feelings. The title is meant to be funny, not insulting.
June 21st, 2006 at 7:51 am
Oh WOW Julie!! That comment definitely bothered me. Moms have various reasons for working outside the home (if I could have continued to work from home this year I would have jumped at the chance). It sounds like you are ready to move on to something new and more challenging/fulfilling. Good luck. Sounds like a smart move and good timing as you’ll have lots of time to prep for BlogHer and you’ll have more time to blog. LOL. Seriously, though, good luck and I look forward to hearing your post-project manager adventures.
June 21st, 2006 at 7:56 am
p.s. you know the parallel lives thing? I’ve been REALLY burned out at work lately. Hmmmm.
June 21st, 2006 at 8:08 am
Congrats! I admire what you are doing. If you are working outside the home for whatever reason, you deserve to be fulfilled doing it. Good luck in finding something new!
June 21st, 2006 at 8:10 am
I’m thrilled for you–it’s an exciting opportunity. And yeah, like Jamie says, we expect LOTS of posts out of you young lady.
June 21st, 2006 at 8:19 am
I agree with Binkytown. I think it would be tough to leave the kiddos for something you felt very uninspired doing… I’ll be thinking about you!
June 21st, 2006 at 9:40 am
Glad to hear the trigger has finally been pulled. I kind of figured that you would know something soon. Hopefully you’ll be happy in whatever endeavor you choose, whether it be SAHM or another job opportunity.
The selfish part of me is also glad that we have days off together again. The thought of you bringing Starbucks to my house on a Thursday afternoon gives me fond memories of last summer. sniff sniff
Stacey
June 21st, 2006 at 10:22 am
As you had not mentioned your new job very often, I had wondered if it was not quite what you would desire. Summertime is great to be off. I would love it and I never thought I would say that.
I also admire that you and Kyle strive for a balanced, practical approach to your marriage and “division of duties” without a lot of ruckus. You each assume the role that is best for the family and your relationship at the time.
Enjoy!
June 21st, 2006 at 10:58 am
Whoa! I feel like a congratulations is in order, although it’s also a time of upheaval and whatnot. Here’s to freelance!
…
And I may need to get in touch with you about guest posting. I rather like that idea.
June 21st, 2006 at 11:03 am
Being a PM is hard enough when the project is challenging and well planned, when no one is engaged I am convinced it is hell on earth. Best of luck!
June 21st, 2006 at 12:01 pm
Woah! There are lots of thoughts running through my mind all at once! I’ve thought (to myself) both of the “offensive” statements you open this piece with.
On one hand, I want to be with my kids and influence them. I sometimes distrust others’ parenting techniques, and as such, would feel more comfortable “raising my own child(ren)” But – I’ve learned that breaks away from my kids end up rejuvenating me, and once I found people that I trusted (their philosophies were similar to mine) then in some ways I think the time my boys spend in school is actually more enriching than just being home with me. Truthfully, I’d be wary of putting them in daycare 6am to 6pm, but I’ve learned to “let go” a bit and realize that I can still be an influential mom who spends quality time with her kids even if part of the day I am working.
Then on the other statement, I frequently wonder if all the money spent on my various degrees is now being wasted since I am at home with my kids. I work part-time from home, but not in the field for which I was trained. (Even if I didn’t have children, I doubt I would still be in my previous field, so I need to do some career-searching in any case.) Sometimes I do worry that I spent lots of time wanting to be a “strong woman” who could have a career and be important in a financial and more “global” sense than “just” by managing my household. But, I know that the knowledge I impart to my kids will help them “make a difference” in the world. And I know that my analytical / critical thinking skills that were exercised in college can assist me to be a better “manager” of my household and mother to my children.
I apologize for the lengthy nature of this comment, but your thoughts have definitely prompted me to have some of my own!
I wish you luck as you figure out the next step in your own life… and as you know, I am looking forward to BlogHer too!
June 21st, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Oh my gosh! Do I say “Congrats”? Because that’s what I feel like saying! So…congrats! I wish I had the freedom to leave a job I don’t like, so I totally admire people who can make it work for them! I’ll be interested to read where things take you in the next weeks and months! In the meantime, have FUN!!!
June 21st, 2006 at 1:51 pm
dude…you worked in the music industry in NY? So did I! (as well as the tv and film industry) I was a music publicist and club promoter one time!
I left it all for love and moved to bloody england Thank god it worked out!
June 21st, 2006 at 2:38 pm
but the house..is the house nice??
June 21st, 2006 at 3:27 pm
The buttwiper thing is the main reason I don’t work, the kids are just an excuse. Seriously, I can handle children acting like children but cannot suffer it in adults.
So many of us thirtysomethings are trying to figure out what we want in life and then how to make it all work. Let me tell you what you should do because I’m bossy that way. You should start an online magazine/blog/whatever you want to call it with writing from the best potpourri bloggers out there. Start a different niche instead of the mommybloggers (not that there’s anything wrong with them) for women or men with eclectic needs and interests.
Good luck and I hope you enjoy the ride wherever it leads.
June 21st, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Way to go. You’ve got sass and I like that. I hope the next gig, whatever it is, really floats your boat. If I could think of an exciting freelance collaberation with you, I’d be all over it.
June 21st, 2006 at 5:12 pm
I definitely think a CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is in order. Why stay in a job you loathe? And you have my deepest respect for throwing yourself out there and seeing if the freelance thing is doable. I totally, totally hope it is. ((((((Julie))))))
June 21st, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I hope you find what you’re looking for. Having a job you hate is the worst. My first job was like that and it completely stressed me out (I was also a project manager).
But gosh, wouldn’t it be great to get paid to write? I wish you the best of luck with that!
June 21st, 2006 at 5:35 pm
Good for you — if mama’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy, and that stretches to the job, too. Good luck; I hope you find something fucking fantastic.
June 21st, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Guys don’t kill each other over their decisions to work or stay home and raise kids. Why do we?? Aren’t we supposed to be the “more evolved” gender. Commpassionate? Understanding?
Yeah…I can sling mud with the rest of them, but as long as someone is doing the best she can I try to give them a little latitude. I agree with Mommy on the Record. I hope you DO get someone to pay you to write. I’ve done it before and it ROCKS. And if you’re trying to find something that allows you to balance both worlds (kids and job)??? This is a good place to start. Good luck.
June 21st, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Wow, you quit AGAIN!?!
— seriously, good for you!
Can’t wait to hear what you do next. I wish you were still here in DC — you could add so much value to the places I’ve worked!
June 21st, 2006 at 8:28 pm
There has got to be a paid position blogging for you SOMEWHERE!
Hh
June 21st, 2006 at 11:37 pm
Good for you and I hope something excellent comes your way soon. But I also (selfishly) hope that no stinkin’ new job keeps you from going to BlogHer!
P.S. You are welcome to come dirty my blog any time.
June 22nd, 2006 at 5:10 am
I read the whole discussion over there- I guess that was an example of the “mommy wars” I keep hearing about.
I have been both a SAHM and a WAHM. Right now I am a SAHM. I feel equally frustrated by all sides of the argument, and all judgements.
Sheesh.
June 22nd, 2006 at 5:51 am
I am so mystified by the whole WOHM/SAHM battle. If you’re lucky enough to have a choice, do you have to vilify the other choice in order to validate your own?
And I agree with what Hannah says. Some smart organization has GOT to snap you up as a paid blogger.
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:42 am
It’s good that you are doing what is best for YOU. Good luck in finding something new whether it be at home or out of the home.
June 22nd, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Ack. Julie. This just sucks.
On another note, entirely unrelated, I dreamed that I was visiting you and Kyle. I don’t know why, but I was. Your house in my dreams was lovely.
June 22nd, 2006 at 7:25 pm
I am a strong believer in getting out of a bad situation before you get too used to it, even if it means leaping blind. Chances are you’ll land on your feet– rarely have I encountered a woman with more fighting spirit than you.
I think you made the right choice. You’ll figure out the details as you go.
June 24th, 2006 at 6:00 am
I have an idea for you (besides cmp, of course). I’ll email.
June 26th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
I came over here specifically to find your e-mail address to thank you for defending mothers everywhere who work. That phrase goes RIGHT through me. While most comments I get about working no longer bother me 4 years into the game, that phrase will reverberate in my head like a bass drum everytime I hear it.
So, thank you. On behalf of someone who entrusts her children to daycare and raises them with her husband.