Take me away from the ball game
I have a nostalgic love of baseball. Growing up north of Cincinnati in the era of Johnny Bench, Joe Morgan, and Pete Rose, with a father who played ball in high school and college and would pitch whiffle balls to us in the backyard as he urged us to “choke up” on the bat, it was only natural for me to grow up with a sense of the game and its players.
Growing up, I didn’t go to many games. Mostly, I remember my father and my maternal grandfather listening to the games on AM radio on my grandparents’ back patio, drinking godawful beer like Hudepohl and Gennessee Cream Ale.
I saw the Reds play most often with my friend Lori, whose father had season tickets for his business clients. The seats were fantastic – right behind home plate, maybe ten rows up – and the people-watching made up for the fact that we were too young to drink. Invariably though, we would leave in the sixth or seventh inning when the Reds were down by a few runs, and then we’d listen to the game on the radio on our drive home only to hear the announcers shouting and fireworks blasting in the background. A home run. We missed it.
When we moved to New York, it was obvious to me which team I would root for. Growing up with the Reds, it was impossible for me to betray the National League and become a Yankees fan. And I’m a sucker for the underdog.
For my birthday in 2001, Kyle gave me a HUGE present. Tickets to all of the Mets’ Saturday home games that season, plus a few pairs of tickets to Yankee games. The seats at Shea Stadium were on the upper deck, but directly behind home plate. Adjacent to a couple who also had Saturday tickets and with whom we became good friends.
All of this sounds great, right? So why would I want to get AWAY from the ball game?
I work in a building next door to Coors Field. It’s a beautiful area of town with great restaurants and bars (that I don’t frequent because then I would have to drive 25 miles home afterward). And even though the Rockies aren’t doing so hot, there’s still a fair amount of traffic (foot and vehicle) on game days.
Strike 1:
On Opening Day, I pulled into my usual parking garage and noticed the sign declaring “Parking $25″.
$25?! Typically it’s $6. Granted, it was Opening Day (and the first day of a transit strike), but HELLO – price gouging. Even now, midway through the season, parking prices get jacked up to $8 or $10 on game days.
Strike 2:
My commute sucks rocks even on the best days – approximately 25 miles one way, which takes up to 45 minutes in the mornings and often more than an hour in the afternoons.
Game day traffic makes the commute even worse. Not to mention the fact that I leave at 4pm. That’s right – those games that start at 1:05pm are usually just finishing up when I am trying to get on the highway along with half the city.
Strike 3:
The fans. I wish they wouldn’t congregate outside my office building. There are plenty of better places to gather. But I will tolerate the loitering as long as I don’t have to listen to their rudeness when I’m picking up my lunch.
Two doors down is a cooking school cafe that serves breakfast and lunch. Fabulous meals – yesterday I had fattoush with blackened mahi-mahi, and today I had three cheese and tomato quiche with a side salad – and nice people. Last Friday, they had tuna left from a sushi-rolling class that was held the evening before. I had nearly a half-pound of seared sushi-grade tuna and couscous for only $6.50.
On a recent game day, while waiting for my meal, two fans came into the cafe. They couldn’t make up their minds as to what they wanted to eat. Finally, the girl decided to have two chocolate chip cookies and a can of Arizona iced tea. At a cooking school cafe. Where you can get all sorts of delicious food. Babe, you should have just stopped at 7-11.
Meanwhile, the guy thought he would be clever and ask about the “housemade” granola. Why is it “housemade”? Instead of “homemade”? This place isn’t a HOUSE. That’s just SILLY.
Hey, dumbass? This place isn’t a HOME either. And have you ever heard the phrases “specialty of the house” or “house dressing”? Used in restaurants? Which AREN’T HOUSES EITHER? Go get yourself a fucking hot dog and a beer if you can’t appreciate the food here.
(Not that there is anything objectionable about a hot dog and a beer. More appropriate game day food anyway, in my opinion.)
So until the Mets come to town at the end of August, this is the song that I’ll be singing:
Take me away from the ball game, take me away from the twits.
I don’t care how much the Rockies score; please don’t make me drive downtown anymore.
Oh I’ll root root root for the home team from my suburban abode.
‘Cause there’s one, two, TEN beers for me and a clean commode!
June 13th, 2006 at 9:30 pm
Your commute sounds pretty bad even when it’s not game day. Yikes. I’m a baseball fan from way back too. I like the Yankees (they train in Tampa) and I always root for the hometeam but they rarely win. Sorry Rays, you suck. I grew up in Oregon and my hometown had a single A team from the Oakland A’s. What memories!
June 13th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
I was never really into baseball – used to go to Tigers games when I lived in Detroit. However, I imagine that it’s annoying when they interfere for your day like that.
June 14th, 2006 at 4:07 am
Ha! I love it! I work just down from where the Astros play so I feel your pain. I’m totally printing up your song to share with my coworkers.
June 14th, 2006 at 5:45 am
I used to feel the same way about parades. OH, JUST GO HOME!
Clean commode? Genius.
June 14th, 2006 at 7:00 am
Good god that was funny. My parents dragged me in the 1970’s to all the Reds games. My mom had a thing for Johnny Bench (can we say eww?) and Pete Rose.
Great post.
June 14th, 2006 at 7:58 am
Growing up, my mom was always watching the Mets – and my bf is a huge fan, too. When the two of them get together, it’s funny to hear my bf talking sports with my MOM! I enjoy baseball, too, but have never cared for a particular team until we got the Nationals last year. Go Nats!
By the way, when the Mets were plays the Nats last September on the days surrounding bf’s birthday, he bought 7th row tickets for all three games. He was in heaven! I got to accompany him to one of the games and then spent a fair amount of time staring at the cute, rich ballplayers. I LOVE DAVID WRIGHT!!!
June 14th, 2006 at 8:36 am
If you live in Mass. you are issued a Red Sox t-shirt and a shitty attitude about your team combined with a false sense of hope at birth. Yet I still love baseball. Love it! But please don’t get me started on the Mets. At least not the ‘86 Mets.
But I did have a thing in the late 90’s for Mike Piazza. Mmmm.. catcher’s legs. Drool.
I loved your song! I’ll be singing that all day. And the parking? Its currently $40 MINIMUM around Fenway on game days. Suck-Asses!
June 14th, 2006 at 9:25 am
We’ve got the Brewers here in Wisconsin, but it’s been awhile since I’ve been to a game.
And I know what you mean about people who don’t “get” the restaurants we love! I get protective over one of my favorite eateries here in town; when someone disses it, I take it personally. lol
Awesome song, btw.
June 14th, 2006 at 10:18 am
Not a baseball fan. Sorry. But I feel your pain. And appreciate the fact that I live and work out in the sticks!
June 14th, 2006 at 10:27 am
I’ve never been a baseball fan. I collected the cards as a kid, but just for fun. The game is just too slow for me – I’m generally bored halfway through it.
Love the song, and I can understand why you’d sing it. Here in Columbus, we have OSU football. Woe to anyone near campus (or anywhere in the center of Columbus) on game day.
I may have asked you this before, but what town are you from that is north of Cincy? Monroe? Wilmington?
June 14th, 2006 at 10:28 am
I’m not a baseball fan, either. And yet, considering that I’ve been away from the whole blogging world for like a week now, this was a refreshingly funny welcome back.
Thank you!
June 14th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Oh. That is just too bad.
It used to be that those in the offices near sports stadiums would actually get an advantage because the employee parking was separate from public parking. In fact, I have a friend who lives near the Shark Tank. So we go to his building and park for free while the rest of the folks pay those jacked-up prices.
Great song – now record it and post so we can hear it!
June 14th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
LOL- love the song! i love baseball… dad raised me on it and it’s just part of who i am!
June 14th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
I’m more of an NBA kinda gal.
But can I tell you? My home team is the Portland Trailblazers.
*hangs head in sorrow*
*continues plotting to destroy Paul Allen*
Aaaaaanyway. On game day, the Rose Quarter is completely congested. Sad thing is, it’s also RIGHT NEXT TO one of the main arteries of our town.
Gaaaah.
June 14th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
I love baseball! But I like to watch it on tv.
June 14th, 2006 at 5:47 pm
I warned you.
June 14th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
You need to get into NHL. Less crowds, more excitement!
Though I am a baseball lover too…
June 14th, 2006 at 7:53 pm
Not a big baseball fan, but the song was very cute!
June 14th, 2006 at 8:48 pm
*gasps!!!*
You’re a Mets fan?!? Is that why you haven’t been around my blog?
June 15th, 2006 at 5:33 am
OK…I can’t get over the COOKING SCHOOL cafe near your office. How cool is that?!
June 15th, 2006 at 5:56 am
Love the song. I love baseball. Braves fan. The first time they won the pennant I was in college (Athens,GA) and the whole town exploded. The Braves had totally sucked up until that time. My boys are not what you would call superstar atheletes, but they do play in a summer league at a church. It’s low-key and a lot of fun. The games are like sand lot games. Even in the 100 degree heat and almost the same humidity,we have a blast.
June 16th, 2006 at 9:29 am
Beth! I’m sorry! I will come visit you. I love Yankee fans, I do. And I forgot to include the other Yankee games I’ve attended, sitting in our corporate seats, close enough to yell “Derek Jeter, you are SOOOOOOOOO hot!”
(But not as hot as Johnny Damon.)
April 20th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
[...] it really doesn’t matter to me whether the Mets or the Reds or the Bucks win. Sure, I like them. But does it get my goat if they lose and people crow about it? [...]